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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go away for 10 days

41 replies

Wineiscooling · 22/05/2022 22:53

For my birthday my husband bought me a flight, return business class to go see my friend who lives in America. Lovely thought but I would never choose to go away from my children for 10 days. Whilst I appreciate his efforts to get me something lovely I feel so conflicted about that length of time away. It’s a long flight (12 hours ) so his reasonings is that I can have time there to get over the flight / jet lag and enjoy. My friend is so exited for me to go, none of our friendship circle have made it there to see her before because of children / money etc and has such nice things planned for us to do there, I know we’ll have an amazing time. I know I’m so lucky to have this opportunity but if I’d been asked before it was booked I would have gone for much less time, or maybe not at all. I think I can cope with tiredness and jet lag so a good few days less would be fine. I’m so worried flying far away and for so long from my children. They’re 9 and 13. The teenager is not bothered and in fact is looking forward to dad’s rules for 10 days. My youngest is very clingy to me since covid. He hates it if i go out for a few hours in the evening and sometimes cries if I go out. He’s going to hate me being away that length of time. My husband doesn’t get my concern. He works away a lot so is often away from the kids weeks on end. He wants me to experience flying long haul business class which I something I never get to do and with his job he does regularly.
so AIBU - yes - enjoy, the kids will be fine and soak up the opportunity and enjoy.
No - cancel the trip , 10 days is too long - at least reduce the time ! Think of your youngest !

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 22/05/2022 22:54

Why do you have to cancel? Most airlines have much more flexible tickets since covid or you could book a cheaper seat to return on an earlier date.

CorneliaMarie · 22/05/2022 22:57

I’d go and be super chuffed my DP did that for me. 10 days is quite long, maybe 7 would be better but if the last 2 years have taught us anything it’s what we all took for granted can quickly be taken away so make the most of it.

GentlemanJay · 22/05/2022 22:58

Just go.

zeddybrek · 22/05/2022 22:59

YABU

Go and enjoy yourself! Just before COVID I booked a 10 day break with my best friend leaving DC 6 and 4. I cried all the way to the airport, told my husband I felt awful and was missing the children already. Once I was on the plane and turned my phone off I felt so happy I can't describe it. We do so much for our children it's absolutely fine to do this for yourself. Watch movies uninterrupted, reading a magazine cover to cover, having a drink, sleeping if I wanted to, oh heaven! Your DC will be fine and tour youngest will have the opportunity to bond with DH. Your DH has given you a really thoughtful gift, enjoy it. I'm really jealous!

godmum56 · 22/05/2022 23:00

what a lovely DH. go and enjoy yourself, your 9 YO will be fine

Ponoka7 · 22/05/2022 23:02

My DD is going to a abroad wedding for 10 days. Her children will be 5 & 8. It's good for Mums to show that they are independent adults who are still entitled to a life outside the home. Whether you go or not you really need to work on your youngest's separation issues.

BerkyWithTheGoodHair · 22/05/2022 23:03

Go, your kids are not small anymore. If your youngest is clingy, this may actually be good for them, but they'd be fine regardless.

MsTSwift · 22/05/2022 23:06

God go. Family members went to boarding school at 8!

SneezesHaveStarted · 22/05/2022 23:09

Unless you have serious concerns about your husbands abilities to meet your children’s needs, then go, and enjoy it! It sounds heavenly!
You can speak to them regularly whilst you are away, and maybe it’ll help your youngest to know that you can still be there for him without having to be physically there all the time. I might have gone for 7 days rather than 10, but if you feel it necessary during the week you could always book an earlier return flight….I bet you won’t need to though. What a lovely thoughtful gift!

Threetulips · 22/05/2022 23:12

Do you want to swap DH’s?

I moved for his work and always hoped he would buy me an annual ticket to see family. It’s never happened!

The kids will be fine. You can FaceTime and show them some fabulous things and the shopping you’ll bring home will more than make up for it.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 22/05/2022 23:16

Omg !! Go - I thought you were gonna say your kids were babies

I’d leave my 1 year old for a week at this stage and have no issues with it ! I know everyone is different

but 10 days is not even a long time really

enjoy yourself

Longdistance · 22/05/2022 23:17

OMG! Just go!
I’d give my right arm to go away for that long without dc.
9 and 13, they’re not babies.

Maxibon21 · 22/05/2022 23:18

I understand why you are torn but I'd have to say you should go and enjoy yourself. 10 days will fly by and if you do decide to you can always try and come home early. Maybe your husband is looking forward to spending the time with the children since he works away a lot? You may not get an opportunity like this again. You should grab it while you can. Have a great time x

Wineiscooling · 22/05/2022 23:20

Thank you ! Already I’m feeling better about it. I know it’s a lovely thought from DH and I don’t want to sound ungrateful at all. I’m not against leaving the kids with their dad for a few days and pre covid have gone away with friends for a few days, just not that long away and that far away. Ok, I’m going to chill, it’s later in the year I go so time to work on my youngest anxiety about me! Honestly, before covid he was such a confident and happy boy, I’m not sure if my job (nurse) and everything he heard about covid and people dying made him anxious about me or, like many children he just got used to mum and dad not going out, whatever it is I think covid has changed many children but that’s a whole other thread.

OP posts:
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 22/05/2022 23:20

Go. I went to NZ when mine were 5 and 3 for 2 weeks to see my sister, they were totally fine.

You'll have an amazing time

Ylvamoon · 22/05/2022 23:43

Just go.
I have had several holidays without DC & DH looking after them.
You are going to see a friend, your DC are able to relate to that.
I always found that involving DC in your plans, telling them where you go - show them on a map & pictures, helps them ccope. It gives them some reassurance that you have not just disappeared.
Sending little messages and pictures is also a must in my house!
Lastly, I always leave little treats for them.
I am actually going away over the jubilee weekend, my youngest DC wants an x box game, so he is getting this a day before I leave... he is beyond excited!
older teen DC is getting cinema vouchers

Kite22 · 23/05/2022 00:09

I thought you were going to say they were 3 and 1 or something!

Of course you should go.
What a wonderful, thoughtful generous dh you have.
What a wonderful opportunity.
He is right about the time - no way would I want to stay any less than 10 days if doing a 12 hour flight. Plus this is clearly a once in a decade, if not once in a lifetime opportunity to see your friend.
I can't believe you are even considering not going, or going for a shorter time.

HappyDays40 · 23/05/2022 03:38

OP I did Oz in 10 days and it was fine. I'd leave my child in the capable hands of their other parent. Just go please you'll regret it if you don't.

calmlakes · 23/05/2022 03:46

You should definitely go OP.

Dc have been badly effected by the pandemic and anxiety is higher for a lot of them.
But recommended treatment includes not changing your plans as a result of their anxious response, it changing it as little as possible.
So just acknowledge that they are anxious, remind them of all the trips you've taken in the past, arrange to FaceTime them and let them know that you believe that they will do well.

mjf981 · 23/05/2022 04:15

Echoing everyone else here - go. Its a wonderful opportunity. Your children will be fine. In fact, it may end up being a good thing for them and help build their confidence.

InChocolateWeTrust · 23/05/2022 04:30

I wouldnt go that long personally, but my work I only get a certain amount of leave and using loads to go off with a friend would leave sod all left for family holidays. I'd probably go for 5-7 days but agreed to you need to get your youngest used to being away from you more, it'll do him good.

Wallywobbles · 23/05/2022 05:40

I've done this a lot. Loads of people do this for their jobs. Might be a good time to reset things with your 9 yo. 10 days might be longer than you want but it's a bit defeatist to not go at all.

Ponderingwindow · 23/05/2022 05:55

With those ages, yes, I would go.

I wouldn’t with a very young child, but your kids are old enough to handle your absence and get in some good bonding time with dad.

Blarting · 23/05/2022 05:55

Go and enjoy yourself, it's a wonderful present.

hellcatspanglelalala · 23/05/2022 06:46

Just go, the kids will be fine with their dad.