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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband booked a holiday for us

50 replies

majormumma · 22/05/2022 21:52

It is a milestone birthday for me this year and beforehand I had said to my hubby that I would love to go on a spa break the two of us for a well needed break. Had sent him where I’d love to him to take me and knowing it wasn’t a cheap idea suggested going for a relaxing evening instead of a whole overnight stay given that I realise I am no celebrity. He’s really pulled it out of the bag and booked five nights away abroad in an all inclusive hotel with a spa but I’m feeling so anxious about leaving our two LOs. The price of our holiday is double that of the spa night I had asked for (paid on credit). Am I unreasonable for feeling like I don’t want to go? Im purely feeling worried about leaving kids, one who is under one. I recently went on a girls trip and felt more at ease at them being left with him, 3 nights in total and honestly that was the most I could cope with but it was reassuring knowing they were with him. Grandparents would be looking after LOs this time. I feel so conflicted about how I’m feeling. I know the break would be lovely but I’m feeling shitty about leaving them.

OP posts:
Codswallop20 · 22/05/2022 21:54

Do it. They will be fine.

BluecheeseandBaskerville · 22/05/2022 21:54

Everyone’s different but I’d feel weird too. I don’t think I’d be happy abroad in case I needed to get to them relatively quickly. But that’s just me. Can he scale it back to a nice weekend somewhere?

KangarooKenny · 22/05/2022 21:54

I wouldn’t have done 5 nights away at that age so I understand. Not a lot you can do now though, unless you can swap it ?

DenholmElliot1 · 22/05/2022 21:54

Can't you just take the kids with you

CheshireCats · 22/05/2022 21:56

They will be with their grandparents. They will be absolutely fine! Go and enjoy yourself for goodness sake.

TooManyPJs · 22/05/2022 22:06

They'll be fine. They'll be with their grandparents. Go away and enjoy yourself!

User3568975431146 · 22/05/2022 22:07

Personally I wouldn't go. I couldn't and wouldn't leave my children to go on holiday no matter who was looking after them. That said my husband is in no doubt about that so knows better 😂

I feel for your hubby but it's your birthday and you've got to be comfortable. Once you have children you're a family and everyone sticks together.

Oysterbabe · 22/05/2022 22:10

They will be fine but I get it. I wouldn't leave a child that young for 5 nights.

balalake · 22/05/2022 22:10

It's booked, I'd go. But be very clear that holidays in future, whoever is going, should not be booked without discussion.

Sponge19 · 22/05/2022 22:11

No way would I do 5 nights away from my under one year old. Men just don’t get it. I wouldn’t want to go either

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 22/05/2022 22:11

You asked to go to a spa for your birthday. Your husband has booked a lovely holiday for you with a spa.. and you would prefer to go with your friends?

You sound so ungrateful. So don't go, tell him to cancel it excuse you don't want to leave you baby and you would prefer to go for no nights

PinkiOcelot · 22/05/2022 22:11

I know he you feel. I would feel the same, but I’m sure they’ll be absolutely fine with their grandparents. No good if you’re going to spend the whole time worried and anxious though.

Emilyrose456 · 22/05/2022 22:12

Go and enjoy yourself they will be fine!

100problems · 22/05/2022 22:16

I'd go in a second (and have before anyone claims the hypothetical) and here's why:

If you had to, which you very, very, very likely won't, you'd be able to get back early

It's a great bonding experience between GP and GC, never underestimate how truly amazing that is

It's 5 days and will go in a flash because you'll be having a lovely time with someone that cares enough to arrange a lovely treat

dancinginthesunliteee · 22/05/2022 22:16

Oh I'd die for this with my DH!!!!
Go enjoy and fill your boots!! You deserve it, it's a big birthday and he's gone all out so go enjoy please , I'm lucky if we get out for tea together we get 0 help so go enjoy honestly - the kids won't miss you when with grandparents sorry to say!! Haha Mine see my parents an cry to stay- sadly they won't have them ! Xx

tiggergoesbounce · 22/05/2022 22:17

I wouldn't enjoy myself. I would not be leaving our DS for a week with anyone, but everyone knows this, if we are holidaying, while hes young i want him there too.

It really is a lovely jesture, but i would ask him to change it back to what you actually wanted.

rainyskylight · 22/05/2022 22:19

I couldn’t do it.

Stillfunny · 22/05/2022 22:19

Honestly, the children will be absolutely fine. The grandparents are people who love and have concern for them almost as much as you do. I do understand how you feel but honestly , take this lovely gesture from your husband , reconnect , relax and return to perfectly well looked after children.

It is only 5 days , not even a week. A mere blip in everyone lives. Hope you can be OK with going and enjoy .

GrandSlamFinale · 22/05/2022 22:19

The kids will be fine but I’d personally not go on a holiday I couldn’t afford. If it’s been paid on credit does it mean you don’t have the cash for it currently? I’d never get myself into unnecessary debt for something non-essential such as a holiday.

user1467639835 · 22/05/2022 22:22

I'll go

user1471457751 · 22/05/2022 22:24

Given you've been away for 3 nights with your mates I can see why your husband thought you would be fine with 5 nights away. And really, if you're going to some popular European destination you could probably be back in an emergency in the same time it would take to drive across this country. The children will be with grandparents who presumably are more than capable of looking after them. Go and have fun.

sandgrown · 22/05/2022 22:30

your DH has done a lovely thing. Go and enjoy your adult time together. Your children will be fine with GP and it’s not even a week.

Lou98 · 22/05/2022 22:34

I think really it depends how you think you'll feel once you're there.

My second is due in July and our son will be 1.5, I'm going away for 3 nights in October with my friend for our birthdays and while I'm nervous about leaving the kids I know that once I'm there I'll have a great time even though I'll miss them. If you think you'll have a good time once you're there then go for it! It sounds like a brilliant holiday and I can see why your Husband thought it would be okay when you've been away for 3 nights before.

If however, you think you'll get there and be miserable the full time then it would be better to cancel now and see if he can get any money back. It's okay to not feel ready to go, it's natural, but the sooner you cancel the better

alphons · 22/05/2022 22:38

God I’d have loved that at that stage! You’re feeling like I many people feel the first time their baby goes to nursery. It’ll be fine once you get there. Probably some nerves the first day or so, and you’ll feel a bit lost and untethered, possibly a bit guilty (strange, but true). But you’ve been a woman without children a lot longer than you’ve been a woman with children. It’s like muscle memory, you’ll get right back into the groove 😀. Just remember that your children will be having a much, much happier time with their grandparents than you will be having without them if you spend your time moping. Enjoy it. Talk about them as much as you want, but enjoy sleeping and eating and drinking and having sex and uninterrupted conversations and pleasing yourself. It’s amazing!

GiltEdges · 22/05/2022 22:38

It's a very personal thing I think. For me, 5 nights away from DS at that age would have been an absolute no. It still would be now to be honest and he's almost 3.5, but that's just me.

Perhaps your DH thought after your last trip away that you'd be okay with it? As it's booked now, I'd probably try to reconcile yourself to it and make the most of the break.

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