Husband booked a holiday for us

[majormumma]

It is a milestone birthday for me this year and beforehand I had said to my hubby that I would love to go on a spa break the two of us for a well needed break. Had sent him where I’d love to him to take me and knowing it wasn’t a cheap idea suggested going for a relaxing evening instead of a whole overnight stay given that I realise I am no celebrity. He’s really pulled it out of the bag and booked five nights away abroad in an all inclusive hotel with a spa but I’m feeling so anxious about leaving our two LOs. The price of our holiday is double that of the spa night I had asked for (paid on credit). Am I unreasonable for feeling like I don’t want to go? Im purely feeling worried about leaving kids, one who is under one. I recently went on a girls trip and felt more at ease at them being left with him, 3 nights in total and honestly that was the most I could cope with but it was reassuring knowing they were with him. Grandparents would be looking after LOs this time. I feel so conflicted about how I’m feeling. I know the break would be lovely but I’m feeling shitty about leaving them.

Its 5 days from the rest of their lives, go and enjoy it!

It is a very personal thing and I wouldn’t have wanted to do it either. But then mine are a bit older and I still don’t like being away for more than a couple of nights.

I also would feel deeply uncomfortable about getting into debt for a holiday.

It’s not a good idea to go on a holiday that you can’t afford and get into debt for

misses point of thread

But if it helps, I also wouldn’t leave my 12 month old with anyone for that long. Not even her dad. People might say that’s stupid but 🤷‍♀️ there aren’t any rules. You don’t have to.

If you were willing to spend three nights away from them to go with friends then there’s a good chance that your husband will be quite hurt when you say that you aren’t happy to go away with him.

Personally (and I know everyone is so different) I wouldn’t want to leave my daughter and most I have done is a night away. I refused to go to a good friends wedding because it was 8 hours drive away and it made me feel sick. The thought of not being able to get to her quickly should she need me had my stomach in knots. I also worried about if something happened to us driving down and she be left without parents. Totally irrational I know.

On the other hand your husband has done something really lovely for you both and time alone together is sparse once u have kids. You never know you may enjoy yourself! Only u can make the decision, knowing how comfortable you feel about the situation.

They'll be spoilt rotten. The GPs will be knackered but everyone will be fine.
GO!!

What a lovely man you have! Be grateful, it’s a few days out of your kids’ whole lives and it will look so ungrateful if you turn your nose up. Yeah the credit thing isn’t great, but provided it won’t put you in huge financial danger, go!

If they have a close relationship with their GPs, it shouldn't be an issue. Ideally they should do a couple of overnights before you go.

Nah I couldn't leave my under one year old for five days. Too long, I'd hate it. Ours is 12mo and we're having our first night away in a couple of weeks. I'm worried about it. I haven't been away from him over night ever.

YANBU but, if I knew the older child liked sleepovers with the grandparents, I wouldn't feel too bad about it but would still feel on edge about the baby. The grandparents will guard them with their lives, the LOs will be fine. I don't think men really 'get' how strong the mother bond is.

Go and enjoy yourself.
You went for 3 days and everything was perfectly fine.
It will be this time too.

What!?

You’ve already left them for 3 nights and you were planning to leave them anyway so I think YABU and your husband has done a nice thing.

2 or 3 nights away that you can actually afford = bliss
5 nights away that you can't afford = stress fest (thus self defeating)
I'd be honest and ask to scale it back.

Personally, I have an issue with borrowing cash to go on holiday and/or paying for clothes. If this is on credit, not debit, I'd try to cancel it, get the money back and have a nice time at home.

I wouldn’t go only because I would worry that a kid that age would be too much for someone else to care for. If they were a couple of years older I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

Personally I think it’s selfish to leave such young children for 5 days, to go on a holiday you can’t even afford. You’ve not even mentioned how hands on the grandparents usually are with your kids or how happy they are to have them for so long.

Yes, do it! Your kids will be absolutely fine. It's good for your marriage to have time away together.

I also wondered if the grandparents had the kids a lot.

I have a friend whose kids visit their grandparents alone once a week and often stay over. So while 5 days is long, I’m sure they’d be fine.

in my case, my parents were always offering to babysit, but when they did, it was always a disaster. At age 2, I left my daughter with them for one night while I attended a wedding and got a phone call from them at 8pm demanding I come home now as DD wouldn’t stop crying. It was awful. There’s no way I’d leave the kids with them for 5 days.

There were lots of other incidents too by the way. They took DS to the park, he fell and smashed his head. They lost DD out shopping. I love my parents dearly, but they really struggle with the grandkids.

My parents were taking weekend holidays, leaving me (and later siblings) with grandparents. I think it made their marriage, AND us, more resilient.

Children need to have relationships and outings beyond their parents. They are people, not possessions.

Could he cancel and change to a night or two in this country?
Everyone is different but clearly this doesn't feel comfortable to you, it's probably overstepping one of your boundaries...but you can see why your husband thought it would be ok after the hen do. It is different leaving a child with the other main care giver than grandparents, especially under one.
I would turn it down as kindly as possible as he has tried to be really lovely.

For me I couldn't be in another country to my children...if they need me I want to be able to be there within an hour or two. Probably weird but that's just where my boundaries sit and I wouldn't enjoy a trip that went against those boundaries.

I used to go away to somewhere tropical every year for a week with my husband. The youngest would have been under one. They had familiar people around them. They were pleased to see us when we got back and expected presents. If you can afford it, I'd put my marriage first and go. I'm betting if I asked them now is they remember us going away without them they probably wouldn't remember.

Thanks for all of the comments. grandparents are very hands on and look after DC one day a week, not worried about my eldest too much as he loves grandparents house but LO didn’t want to go near me when I left for 3 days and the guilt was real. I know a break alone may never be an opportunity again so I need to embrace and ignore the niggling doubt in my mind!