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Original poster

Body Odour Etiquette

50 replies

Summertime2 · 22/05/2022 18:46

Childhood friend of 40 yrs staying with me. We see each other infrequently as she lives on the other side of the world.

She has brought her daughter (19) who has incredibly bad BO. To the point that going into the room they are sharing is just horrible, you can smell it in the car, sitting at the dinner table etc

It's really, really noticeable and she doesn't seem to be showering daily. The rest of my family are noticing and commenting (to me)

I really don't want to upset anyone and it could be so hurtful to mention to her mum.

I'm not sure how she would take it.

Her mum seems oblivious - could she have just got used to it?

We need to spend another 10 days together.

Should I say anything?

OP posts:
Pandarinio · 22/05/2022 18:48

Yes. Take her to one side and say politely that you think as the weather here has got a bit warm DD should be having a was every day.

StoneofDestiny · 22/05/2022 18:50

Many moons ago I to share an office with someone like this once - the stretch lingered hours after they left the office space. I felt it was in the clothes that infrequently changed. I was worried people thought it was me!
No advice in a domestic/friendship situation.

Original poster
Summertime2 · 22/05/2022 18:51

I keep saying there's time for a shower and offering to do laundry...

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/05/2022 18:52

She’s being incredibly rude staying on your home and stinking like that.

Can she find a hotel?

The smell will get into your soft furnishings.

MWNA · 22/05/2022 18:55

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/05/2022 18:52

She’s being incredibly rude staying on your home and stinking like that.

Can she find a hotel?

The smell will get into your soft furnishings.

Gosh you're a peach.
To assume rudeness with barely any knowledge of the situation!
Could be all kinds of reasons. Perhaps they've tried everything. Perhaps it's a medical condition. Perhaps they've gone nose blind.
I'd just ask the mum. Kindly.

Chikapu · 22/05/2022 18:56

I would mention it to her mother, it's disgusting to stay in someone else's home and stink to high heaven. The smell will be getting into your bedding/pillows etc as well.

ZekeZeke · 22/05/2022 19:04

MWNA · 22/05/2022 18:55

Gosh you're a peach.
To assume rudeness with barely any knowledge of the situation!
Could be all kinds of reasons. Perhaps they've tried everything. Perhaps it's a medical condition. Perhaps they've gone nose blind.
I'd just ask the mum. Kindly.

Show quote history

The OP has said she isn't showering every day. She smells. She needs to shower and wash herself.
No point being subtle. Just say it out straight. It's not being rude it's being factual.

Wallywobbles · 22/05/2022 19:06

I'd be pretty blunt to the mother. And say sorry but it's annoying the whole family. Either she washes her body and clothes or they will really need to stay elsewhere.

We've had the case with a bloke staying here. DH took him to one side and told him to wash and to scrub with the soap properly. We'd done all the subtle stuff nothing touched the sides.

lop32 · 22/05/2022 19:07

Could you go for the middle route of asking whether she has deodorant and offering to buy her some if not?

ZekeZeke · 22/05/2022 19:08

Meant to add. It could be her clothes that are stinking. Rather than her body. Is she wearing the same clothes all the time?

Original poster
Summertime2 · 22/05/2022 19:17

I washed all their plane clothes as soon as they arrived.

There's absolutely no way I could say anything unkind.

The mum, daughter and I are actually leaving tomorrow for a 5 day trip so at least it won't be in my home. But it's making me worry about the trip a bit as it's somewhere hotter than here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summertime2 · 22/05/2022 19:18

Can anyone suggest a really tactful way of putting it?

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 22/05/2022 19:24

Surely the only way you can approach this is through the mother?

And if it's not to the young culprit, you can be more direct? Just tell the woman that her daughter has very very bad BO and you would like her to talk to her so that your five day trip isn't spoiled. A hard lesson for the 19 year old but one she needs to learn.

SirenSays · 22/05/2022 19:37

I couldn't handle the awkwardness of mentioning it outright. I think I'd be tempted to buy some travel smellies, say say you treated everyone and hope she actually uses them.

Mally100 · 22/05/2022 19:42

Could you maybe say the shower is free and wait for an answer? Look concerned at the mother? Sorry but it's absolutely rude to stink out someone's home. She isn't showering, that's probably the source of it.

ElenaSt · 22/05/2022 19:52

Friend have you got a moment?

This is a difficult topic of conversation but I have to bring it up with you because it's not just affecting me it's affecting all of the family and I'm speaking to you because I'm concerned about your daughters lack of basic hygiene.

You might have got used to it but she does have very bad body odour and it's better that I say something rather than your daughter is in a situation where somebody could be cruel or unkind to her.

She is welcome to use the shower twice a day and I've got toiletries that she can have if she hasn't got her own or doesn't want to borrow yours.

What can I do to help you support her in getting a proper washing and using antiperspirant and deodorant routine?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/05/2022 20:01

If you don’t want to speak to them about it after the five day trip is up then just lie and say you have covid.

But honestly, you’re being too polite.

She’s stinking out your house. Do you have £££ to replace sofas and bedding? Probably not.

She’s demonstrating a huge lack of manners.

Clymene · 22/05/2022 20:19

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/05/2022 20:01

If you don’t want to speak to them about it after the five day trip is up then just lie and say you have covid.

But honestly, you’re being too polite.

She’s stinking out your house. Do you have £££ to replace sofas and bedding? Probably not.

She’s demonstrating a huge lack of manners.

Oh don't be absurd. She's not going to infect the house with the smell so much that the OP is going to have to put a flamethrower to her furniture.

I have a teenage boy and when him and his friends are here all afternoon it's stinky. But I air the room and it's gone.

Pandarinio · 22/05/2022 20:22

Get the fabreeze out

BlueberryMeringue · 22/05/2022 20:23

I’m probably frame it to the Mum as ‘does DD have a medical issue as you couldn’t help but notice that she has a BO problem. You feel awkward bringing it up but your family have noticed as well and if you (friend) haven’t noticed, you need to be aware as if we have noticed, others will’.

Does the DD work or go to Uni, have a boyfriend? If it’s bad surely someone else would have said?

Mellowyellow222 · 22/05/2022 20:37

If it’s a good friend I agree a quiet word is the way to go.

just say this is awkward but we can’t help but notice Jenny has some hygiene issues, and to be blunt the smell is strong. I absolutely don’t want to embarrass or offend - but is there anything I can do to help; are there any products she normally uses at hone that I can help you source here?

Penguinevere · 22/05/2022 20:40

Once my friend was stood next to me and I could smell BO, I genuinely thought it was me so I sniffed my armpit and she noticed and said sorry, I think it’s me! It was her.

I don’t know if you could pull that off without it being obvious that you’re acting it out on purpose.

However I would be tempted to just say nothing if it’s only a few more days and you rarely see them.

ElenaSt · 22/05/2022 20:44

I would not start off by saying does she have a medical problem because quite clearly her lack of washing is the problem so that's just going to cause further embarrassment when the mum has to say no she doesn't.

Gizacluethen · 22/05/2022 20:52

"DD you can have the shower before me today, I think I used all the hot water yesterday so I'll let you go first." Is probably what I'd go with.
Or "I'll get dinner ready while you have a shower" "do you want the shower first or can I jump in" then "showers free for you now DD."

CatSeany · 22/05/2022 21:14

I think I'd just leave it, in case there was a medical reason behind it and asking led to your friends feeling embarrassed. Even if it isn't a medical issue, a shower is unlikely to solve the problem as the smell is likely very heavily fixed into the girl's clothes (it often won't come out with washing).

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