To ask this about your finances?

[CPHB2021]

I am ONLY asking people with one parent working PART TIME. How much disposable do you have a month, after bills, food, fuel? I'm considering going PT until our daughter starts school ( 2024 ) as it's just unbelievably stressful trying to work/juggle childcare/the house etc. but our disposable income will over half, around £500 left per month 😩 I just can't imagine only having this to spend. Essentially, £100 per weekend. Is this just realistic for this time in our lives?

Cut down on clubs or switch to cheaper ones (if your child is 2 or 3 they definitely don't need weekend clubs - let alone soft play on top!), buy only clothes etc you need second hand, choose free or v cheap activities/days out - not sure where you live but I'm in a city and there is free or cheap stuff on for families everywhere, from city farms to art clubs to sports events. You really don't need to spend much when your children are young, or fill their days with activities.

Part time could be half a day a week or 4 and a half days a week. I work 0.8 and feel more like a full timer than a part timer. How part time do you mean?

4 hours a day but 5 days a week.

I would guess that your children would prefer a less stressed, present parent than weekends filled with expensive days out and clubs.

Personally I'd prefer 3 longer days, is that an option? Then you get some days with real down time / no work.

If I had £120 left disposable per month it was a good month.

I agree about the hours over fewer days - 4 hours per day is really stressful. 3 x 7hr days would be the best.

Unfortunately this isn't an option due to the role.

We have double that and still find it tight! 😳
There always seems to be some sort of unexpected expense. Also it isn't really £100 per weekend as when you are part time you end up spending more across the week on coffees, soft play etc. The school holidays are always a big extra expense too.

I'm the sole earner, part-time teacher (not by choice and I'm looking for something full-time but am constrained by the 3 teacher resignation dates each year) on 0.6. We have about £100-150 a month disposable, for all our clothes, days out (soft play is a thing of the past), petrol, presents (not looking forward to December this year, with Christmas and family birthdays etc.

Tbh I'd be happy with £500, which is roughly what we'll get if/when I find something full-time. But I wouldn't choose to have that little if I had a choice.

It's fucking miserable having to say no and count pennies.

Why don’t you do a budget for all the items the 500 has to cover? Start with what you’d ideally like to spend in each category.
I guess it also depends on whether you have taken all essential expenses into account in arriving at the 500 as well.

This is so true. I don't think it's doable, really. It's SO hard trying to work full time, be a good and present mother, keep the house and Landry etc clean. Xx

Sorry to hear you're struggling. We're not flashing cash atm but we are definitely comfortable but, I am VERY stressed a lot of the time. I hate the thought of not being able to just say yes to plans with friends etc ( of course, within reason ) but we often will go for coffee and cake, the cinema, swimming etc. xx

Is there a happy medium? Could you work enough PT that you had a bit more left? I think 500 isn't really 'left' if you have to use it for petrol. Maybe try to work enough to have 750-1000 left?

I work PT and the drop originally was a bit of a shock but we have got use to it. We do have a bit more than you for disposable income. During heavy months (Christmas/ birthdays / holidays) definitely notice it more.

Flip side there is more to life than money, what would you regret more?

You only have about 1 months salary in savings and you won't be able to put money into savings if you go part-time. I can't get over somebody funding a quite expensive weekend lifestyle without a decent emergency fund.

As pp have said only you can really make the call, there are so many variables.

But reading some of these comments makes me feel like a bit of a cheapskate.

To me days out with soft plays etc are for occasional treats or birthdays, not an every weekend deal. They are expensive and there is always a need for coffee/drinks/food etc which adds on.

There is a lady I know who moans about money all the time yet is out several times a week for coffees/eating out...it must cost a fortune!

Prefacing the question on one parent working full-time doesn’t really make sense. I work half-time and still earn more than the median worker earns working full-time.

i would guess your real question is about the trade off between disposable income and the extra time that it will bring. That time does save you money to a degree. It depends on how much you focus on that issue. That free time can also bring a sense of calm and an easier rhythm for day to day life for the entire family which is also valuable.

Not quite the same situation OP, but we have gone down to one income for various reasons. After all the bills are paid for we are left with about £50pm as dispoable income (although £30pm goes into savings for bdays / christmas / holiday). If we dont have an unexpected bill its enough for me to buy a coffee / non alcoholic beverage to go out with friends and a treat for the kids e.g softplay / takeaway once a month.

I grew up on the breadline so this is nothing new to me but DH who had a fairly comfortable middle class upbringing is still trying to 'adapt' to our frugal lifestyle. It really is about sacrafices and tight budgeting, I would rather take my kids out or meet up with friends than spend money on colouring my hair or expensive perfume. Of course budgeting to every last pound is never nice, but sadly it is the way for many families. You can find cheap entertainment too, and make your own fun. E.g we do baking, blow up the paddling pool, arts and crafts etc and we are going camping this year, sure its not a beach in Malta but we are still going away. We still have each other, and a lot of love so whilst we might be without the more materalistic aspects of our life we are still happy.

Your friends are not worth it if they judge you for saying no to go out to the pub, cafe etc because you cant afford it. I just invite my friends round for a coffee to my place if I cant afford to go out and some of us are trying to tighten our belts (cost of living) so we are fine meeting at each other houses or the park.

Its not forever OP, just remember that.

Sounds tight on that basis as a lot of those items aren't optional.

Although I learned from the 'husband wants to take the family car on a stag weekend' thread that many people think you're unreasonable to want to go on days out at the weekend anyway.

Have you thoroughly reviewed your budget to see if you can free up money from elsewhere?

Eg reduce broadband, TV packages or mobile costs, or even spend less on food?

If you're a £200 pw Waitrose shopper, there's a lot of scope to cut back by buying less expensive food from cheaper supermarkets for example.

Are you a single parent op? If not I'm wondering if the issue is your partner/spouse isn't stepping up?!

If that's the issue I would heavily caution AGAINST going part time because if/when you split you'll be screwed!

I would recommend you look at your budget again using the Mse template, also a very good site for all kinds of money saving ideas for families

I'm also thinking your dc are quite young still if soft play is still a regular event? In which case it sounds to me like you may be overspending on their activities.

How much do they actually do weekly/at weekends and do they ever get real downtime? This is important not only for saving money but also for your AND THEIR mental health. An awful lot of kids now get stressed when they don't have plans as they've never learnt/been taught to relax - this is a hugely important skill not only imo but many child health and development experts

That said for when you/the dc are wanting to do something again the Mse site not only has lots of ideas for free/cheap things to do but is a good site for pointing you in the direction of deals and vouchers etc and eg showing you how to make the most of loyalty card points or your bank accounts options or whatever. I'm on the Facebook page too and just this week there was an article posted about getting the meerkat 2 for 1 cinema deal by purchasing £1 worth of travel insurance, also look at "season tickets" for things like soft play and cinema and similar, also when it comes to dcs birthdays and Xmas most places do gift vouchers now so rather than them getting a pile of tat why not mention to those who buy for them that eg vouchers to their favourite soft play would be super useful?

Google your nearest large towns/cities "cheap and free things to do with kids in ..." and you'll get a TON of stuff come up. When my dd was little we'd spend the holidays visiting free museums and art galleries and often the local library service has a load of activities for them from reading challenges (reading is a great down time activity) to crafts to plays put on by touring educational organisations.

At home they can do crafts, cooking, baking, colouring, puzzle books - and chores! They're never too young and it would ease your load a little

When my dd was little I had an "I'm bored" jar for if she was moany and said she was bored and I'd point her in the direction of this which contained on pieces of paper various chores, funnily enough she rarely moaned 

How much down time do you get and how much does your partner/spouse get?

Also good to get kids outdoors in the open air in all seasons. Walks, trips to beach or park etc are all perfectly valid and healthy activities. Simply invest in good warm/wet weather gear (not that little kids really care!) I have many fond memories of such days and so does dd, even when she got older and more independent she would pester her friends to go walks in the middle of winter! (Very much an outdoor cat my dd) you know that Facebook meme "that one friend that goes 'we'll walk it, it's not far' "

That's my dd!

@BarbaraofSeville is right too - review your current bills etc for unnecessary expenditure or ways you can cut back - Mse again great for this! Learn to haggle too and be a bargain hunter! Eg this time of year is usually perfect for picking up winter coats, wellies and woolies because people are wanting/buying summer stuff. Until dd was a bit more fussy teen (and it was harder to predict what her size would be!) I used to buy her good winter coat in June/July for just a few quid compared to 30/40+ in the winter. Same applies to summer stuff in winter or certainly when the shops are trying to get rid of summer to make way for winter items. Summer stuff is generally cheaper so not as big savings but it all helps

Also take care of clothes and shoes properly and they'll last you longer. I've cheap primark T shirts and jumpers I've had for about 14 years and they're still going strong! Learn to adapt/upcycle clothes too. Old jeans that have been outgrown are easily turned into shorts (I had a lanky skinny kid though) jumpers or shirts if the sleeves are past their best unpick them and make them sleeveless, light coloured items that have attracted stains (tomato based sauces are a bugger for this!) dye them a dark colour in the washing machine (you can get the products easily to do this) hell I've even not bothered buying a dye but washed light items in a dark wash with particular colours and deliberately mix washed them! Learn to fix zips and fastenings.

Same applies to home items - I'm shocked how many people don't know to check if an electrical item doesn't simply need a new fuse in the plug or will throw a lamp out because the shade is past it's best!

You could even learn to cut your and their hair. My dd hated the hairdresser when she was younger so I cut her hair I even dyed it and styled it for her. Can be a lot of fun. Boys/mens hair can be even easier with clippers

But I think the main thing is I'm not saying you personally have to do all this op, your partner/spouse and the dc should all be helping too especially partner/spouse

I'd be uncomfortable doing this with just one month's savings in the bank, but we cope on a similar amount. It's tight, and things like the washing machine dying or car insurance renewal time are painful. But having had more savings than you mention, we pull from that account and then set up standing orders to repay them at £20 per month or whatever. If you can increase savings so that safety net is there, then it's definitely doable.But as I say, I wouldn't be happy without that to fall back on.

Also as a pp said:

To me days out with soft plays etc are for occasional treats or birthdays, not an every weekend deal. They are expensive and there is always a need for coffee/drinks/food etc which adds on.

Plenty to do in most places without having regular cafe time with friends or doing weekly soft play or days out. (Although a National Trust membership bought with Tesco vouchers brings us what are effectively free days out, and would highly recommend that.)

I work part time. We tend to do parks on a weekend. Soft play every month or two. We don't get takeaways. Night out every couple months. Clothes are supermarket. Ds does swimming. We shop at Aldi and have freeview. Our phones and cars are old. We have a uk holiday. We spend about £1000 on birthdays (per year) and about £1000 at Christmas (everyone including friends) we do get a few drinks in at weekend. I do yoga and Pilates, dh goes to gym. I meet with friends once a week for coffee. We do what we want but limit it. We can't afford any big changes such as new car or new furniture.

I am a bit worried that you have so little in savings OP but I think you will be OK. It sounds tight but do-able. My DC are now 9 and 11 and tbh I do wish I had worked a bit less when they were little....too much Mini Boden and not enough time together. There are some great suggestions on here from other posters about how to save money without compromising on what matters, and I would definitely second the view that pre-schoolers don't need lots of expensive activities. Good luck!