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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about DD15 being out by herself?

33 replies

olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:20

DD15 went out with friends this afternoon / evening for tea. She went on the bus to the nearby city (6 miles from where we live) and is coming home the same way (bus).

Buses are every hour. She was supposed to get the 7pm bus but has missed it and is now waiting for the 8pm bus but says the bus is there without a driver at the moment. Her friends live in different areas so have got on their own respective buses, so she is now waiting alone at almost 8.30pm on a Saturday night in a city centre 6 miles away for a bus.

I would have gone to collect her but I have a toddler sleeping in bed and no one available to sit with toddler.

I know she's 15 (actually a few months away from 16), but I'm so worried about her and not sure if my worry is excessive and if I need to just relax a bit. AIBU?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 21/05/2022 20:22

Yes YABU
shes nearly 16 and it's 8pm not 1am
chill

zaffa · 21/05/2022 20:22

Could you pay for a taxi for her? I wouldn't like this worth her, especially her there alone

zaffa · 21/05/2022 20:22

*like this either.
So I vote YANBU

Honaloulou · 21/05/2022 20:23

YABU.

It's still light and she's nearly an adult!

CuriousCatfish · 21/05/2022 20:24

She will be fine. She's nearly 16, it's not even dark.

Original poster
olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:24

Yes I could pay for a taxi, I'll give it 10 more mins or so and see if the bus driver turns up. Just hate that she's alone, I wouldn't be so worried if her friends were still there.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 21/05/2022 20:24

Shes grand. Relax

DelilahBucket · 21/05/2022 20:25

I'm torn on this one. At 15 I was going out clubbing and drinking every Friday and Saturday night, but I wasn't on my own. Having been in a bus station on my own in broad daylight but early evening, and getting set upon by a large group of girls and getting beaten up, it would petrify me that she is alone in that situation. I would have sorted her a taxi as soon as she missed that first bus.

BobbinHood · 21/05/2022 20:25

You’re not being unreasonable to worry a bit, but there’s not really anything you can do about it other than keep in contact with her and remember that it’s 99.99% likely everything will be absolutely fine. It’s light, sounds like the bus will be on its way soon and she’s in a city centre not the middle of nowhere.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 21/05/2022 20:26

I was getting the 10pm bus home at 15. Loved to tell the non-existent tale.

Chill. It’s 8pm. It’s light. She’ll be fine and probably missed the bus on purpose to stay out later.

Original poster
olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:26

Thanks everyone. I'm in constant contact with her, she's fine, she says there's others waiting for the same bus as she can hear them discussing the absent driver.

OP posts:
Original poster
olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:27

What's also bothering me is I really need to go to sleep as toddler will be awake through the night, but there's no way I can relax enough to sleep til she's home.

OP posts:
Nowfeeltheneedtopost · 21/05/2022 20:27

I'm sure she'll be fine. I have a 15yr old DD. It's still daylight and bus is a very safe form of transport. I'm sure you have already talked through things like sitting near the driver rather than upstairs etc?

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 21/05/2022 20:28

As much as I loved to tell the tale, I also lived to…(and too…)

SoManyTshirts · 21/05/2022 20:28

City centre bus stop I wouldn’t worry, there will be lots of people about - just got off a bus from there myself.
Isolated bus stop, I’d worry and keep in touch.

zaffa · 21/05/2022 20:28

Just to say, I think the issue is that she is alone (ie without her group of friends). If she had friends with her I wouldn't think it so much of a concern.

Original poster
olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:29

@zaffa yes exactly

OP posts:
GCMM · 21/05/2022 20:29

If it was my daughter, I'd rather she waited with others and got on a bus with others, than get in a car with a strange man by herself, even if he was a taxi driver.

Dinotastic · 21/05/2022 20:29

Sound like she’s in a safe enough situation OP, and you sound like a good mum. YANBU to worry though - I’m dreading DD’s teen years!!

Original poster
olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:38

Still no driver for her bus! I'm thinking I might have to order a taxi or put the toddler in the car to go and get her🙈

OP posts:
andtheycalledthewindmoriah · 21/05/2022 20:39

olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:20

DD15 went out with friends this afternoon / evening for tea. She went on the bus to the nearby city (6 miles from where we live) and is coming home the same way (bus).

Buses are every hour. She was supposed to get the 7pm bus but has missed it and is now waiting for the 8pm bus but says the bus is there without a driver at the moment. Her friends live in different areas so have got on their own respective buses, so she is now waiting alone at almost 8.30pm on a Saturday night in a city centre 6 miles away for a bus.

I would have gone to collect her but I have a toddler sleeping in bed and no one available to sit with toddler.

I know she's 15 (actually a few months away from 16), but I'm so worried about her and not sure if my worry is excessive and if I need to just relax a bit. AIBU?

Well your feelings are all mixed up.

Firstly, unreasonable for not wanting any harm to come to the literal most important being in your entire life? No.

It's not even the recent news. End of the day if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time you are done for.

I have this anxiety, and badly. I have one child, who I love more than anything. If anything happened to her it would completely destroy my life.

So I want to ensure that doesn't happen, but I can't! I let her go on a trip a few weeks back without me, on a coach, to another city! I wasn't as anxious as I envisaged sat at home, I enjoyed the peace.

And I had done all I could to ensure her safety.

So with my girl going out at that age, well it's a far way off, but I would equip her with a phone and I plan to drop and pick up from anywhere at any time. Or just Uber her home.

You are not being unreasonable.

andtheycalledthewindmoriah · 21/05/2022 20:41

olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:38

Still no driver for her bus! I'm thinking I might have to order a taxi or put the toddler in the car to go and get her🙈

This is why I like Uber because you just set it up, pay, and you know she will get home.

Original poster
olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:44

Oh god she's refusing to get a taxi because she said it's terrifying to get a taxi alone.

I think I'm going to have to collect her. Would it be really cheeky to knock on my neighbour's door and ask her if she would sit in with toddler while I go? I have no one else to ask ☹️

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 21/05/2022 20:49

If you get on well with your neighbour, then go for it. Although I think Ubers are ultra safe as you know who is your driver etch

if this is the first time she’s been out alone, I can see why you’re a bit anxious but obviously you’ll have to get used to this - I’m amazed she’s not put in pubs yet, but I may be judging that on my own parents being somewhat lax 😂

Original poster
olivebean · 21/05/2022 20:52

She's now decided to get the bus to her friend's house instead (friend lives only 1.5 miles from city centre and buses are far more regular). I've just spoken to the friend's mum who is happy for her to do this. Thank god!

OP posts:
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