To worry about DD15 being out by herself?

[olivebean]

DD15 went out with friends this afternoon / evening for tea. She went on the bus to the nearby city (6 miles from where we live) and is coming home the same way (bus).

Buses are every hour. She was supposed to get the 7pm bus but has missed it and is now waiting for the 8pm bus but says the bus is there without a driver at the moment. Her friends live in different areas so have got on their own respective buses, so she is now waiting alone at almost 8.30pm on a Saturday night in a city centre 6 miles away for a bus.

I would have gone to collect her but I have a toddler sleeping in bed and no one available to sit with toddler.

I know she's 15 (actually a few months away from 16), but I'm so worried about her and not sure if my worry is excessive and if I need to just relax a bit. AIBU?

I had to travel across Europe on my own from age 12 (military kid at boarding school) with no mobile phone. Often missed last train connection & had to wait outside station in city for 45 mins on my own for teacher to come & get me. It was sometimes scary but I would look for carriage with women in or stand by ticket office when waiting. We did have more police around then.
You could make sure she always has money for taxi & number of taxi with female driver, and always has credit on phone.

I’d just put the toddler in the car they will soon go back to sleep

I have a teenager and a younger one, it's really tricky to manage the evenings out while you have one asleep (my husband works nights). After a few anxious nights like yours I simply put the younger one in the car and go get the teenager if there's any issue with travelling home. I find it's easier than worrying and the quicker the situation is resolved the quicker I can get to bed!

With respect, you are massively overthinking this and it sounds as though your daughter has 'caught' your anxiety.

A near 16-year-old is perfectly capable of dealing with some transport upsets in daylight, at this time of year, surrounded by other people.

You're not doing yourself or your daughter any favours here.

As a parent to a daughter, I find this very over the top. How do we expect anyone to learn how to cope in the adult world when we react like this?

@AffIt

Whilst I appreciate your perspective, it might well have been daylight at 8.30pm but it was soon to be dark in a couple hours and she had no way of getting home that I could easily work out. The options were

• bus (no driver for some reason so wasn't happening)
• taxi (she refused to do this despite me offering to transfer the money immediately )
• leave my toddler alone to collect her (clearly not going to do that)
• ask neighbour' to sit in with toddler while I went to get her (felt like a CF interrupting someone's Saturday evening at 9pm to ask this of them)
• put toddler in car and hope she didn't wake either on transfer to or from the car (risky and stressful when toddler is a shit sleeper anyway)
• do nothing, go to sleep and hope she makes it home (can't do that as my mum instinct won't allow me to just switch off and go sleep until my teen is home safe - if you don't understand that I'll assume you don't have a teen).

In the end there was another option I hadn't considered when DD said she would get the bus to her friend's as it was closer and buses more regular. I spoke to friend's mum and she was happy with this. Once I got the text saying "safe at friend's" from DD, I relaxed and went to sleep.

But if you can't see how presented with the available options was a little stressful for given I was home alone with a sleeping toddler, my other DD 6 miles away alone with night time approaching, and no help up call upon.... then I'm sorry but there's something off with your empathy skills.

If it had been afternoon and I'd had an awake toddler and could easily stick in car to get DD myself, or if it had been evening and my partner was home to help, then I wouldn't have felt stressed at all - it would have been easy to solve. I have no issue with her being independent and using buses if there's a clear way for her to get home before night fall. In this case, there was not. It was the combination of night time approaching, DD essentially stranded refusing to get a taxi, sleeping toddler, no help. Surely you can see how someone's anxiety would escalate beyond the norm here

@elenacampana

please see my previous response. You have a teen daughter and you cannot see why a parent's anxiety might escalate slightly beyond normal in the specific set of circumstances I describe?