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Original poster

5 year olds talking about being in love

54 replies

NotoriousGnocchi · 21/05/2022 20:09

Is this normal? DD (5) told me today she is in love with one of her classmates (6) and wants to marry him when she's older. Let's call him John. Apparently John keeps telling her that she is in love with him and he is in love with her. She said he keeps whispering it into her ear. I asked her what being in love means (she just said she's going to marry him I think) and I asked her if she is in lovr with him and she answered that he keeps saying she is and that she would like to be (in love with him)

I know at this age if doesn't mean anything and he's probably just copying what he's heard from adults or TV / movies but I find it a bit cringe. And slightly disturbing though I'm not sure why. I know some parents think it's cute.

I guess I especially don't like the ear whispering as if it's a secret. Does he know he shouldn't be saying stuff like this and is that's why whispering? I also didn't like the way DD mentioned it, kind of bashful and giggly ... like a Disney Princess. She doesn't watch movies (gets too scared of them) so I'm not sure where she's getting that from.

I wouldn't mind so much if he told every girl that he was in love with them all the time but I know this John a few months ago "proposed" to another classmate (as the mums briefly mentioned it on the group chat). Apparently he told DD now that he's moved on from that girl and is in lovr with DD. I don't like that either. The exclusiveness of it.

I don't really know what or if I need to do anything about it. I think the best way is to not make a big deal of it. I was just neutral when DD told me about it.

I don't like it though I can't really put my finger on why. I don't mind her play acting other adult stuff but then this isn't exactly play acting or pretend play, is it? I just want her to be a child for longer and not worry about this stuff.

Am I over thinking it?

Should I have more of a chat with her? Maybe just about how she can love many people and be friends with many people but being in love is more for adults? I mean we talk about all kinds of stuff all the time so I could raise it without even referring to this boy or anything.

Should I mention it to the teacher? Without naming names? Maybe they can discuss it in pshe? Or would they think I'm unnecessarily paranoid and reading too much into it?

Well...Am I?

OP posts:
Vikinga · 21/05/2022 20:11

I remember my eldest at 6ish saying he was going to marry a girl at school, then divorce her and then marry another girl at school.

Haudyourwheesht · 21/05/2022 20:11

My 5 year old has told me she wants to marry 'Peter' and also listed who all her other friends are going to marry. It doesn't bother me. She doesn't know what it means.

bellac11 · 21/05/2022 20:13

Yes its normal

CaptainBeakyandhisband · 21/05/2022 20:13

I met one of my best friends when our year R children became betrothed. They are in year 3 now and definitely don’t have plans to get married. I think it’s just a role play thing.

GratitudeGoddess · 21/05/2022 20:15

bellac11 · 21/05/2022 20:13

Yes its normal

Absolutely normal 👆🏽

Original poster
NotoriousGnocchi · 21/05/2022 20:16

Ah ok then :-)

OP posts:
Smarshian · 21/05/2022 20:19

My DD also 5 told me she was going to marry me. When I told her that wasn’t allowed as we were family she said she would marry her best (boy)friend instead - I think it’s just role play and trying to understand relationships

cadburyegg · 21/05/2022 20:20

Lol it's normal, my DS7 tells me he's going to marry one of his classmates and have a baby with her

Oysterbabe · 21/05/2022 20:22

Normal.
My 6 year old told me she is marrying a boy from her class and that as soon as they are 18 they going on holiday to Italy. They've come up with quite a lot of plans actually.

Madmog · 21/05/2022 20:25

50 years on, I can remember running around the playground thinking I was in love with Stephen. I happened to meet him at a school reunion 35 years later, and turns out my initial instinct was a good one - he was good looking and easy to get on with (I was already happily married though).

Whatthechicken · 21/05/2022 20:26

Yep, my 6 six year old was planning to marry someone, but told me the other day that she’s fallen in love with someone else now and wants to marry him…neither of these boys know of her intentions yet and I think they are both a bit scared of my daughter anyway. The ‘falling in love’ ‘true love’ things she comes out with are def from Frozen. She often makes up songs about her broken heart and true love and sings with real heart-felt conviction and drama.

SpaceJamtart · 21/05/2022 20:26

I got married in nursery and in year R to two different boys.
My auntie reminds told me that I told her, very secretively, about it but she couldnt come to my wedding as it was going to happen under the slide and grown ups can't fit there.

Its normal and just part of playing pretend and mimicking grownups.

Dinotastic · 21/05/2022 20:26

Totally normal by the sound of it! That said, it’s worth speaking to your DD to ensure she knows how to speak up if she’s ever uncomfortable with stuff like this. It’s never too young to learn about healthy boundaries.

bigbeautifulmonster · 21/05/2022 20:27

My three year old talks about wanting to marry her younger sister.

orwellwasright · 21/05/2022 20:28

It's completely normal.

At this age my son only had eyes for me though and was absolutely furious when I told him you can't marry your mum.

JorisBonson · 21/05/2022 20:28

I used to say this about Sean Connery.

Rainbowshit · 21/05/2022 20:31

My DD said she loved her friend Mary and she was the one she wanted to have babies with at this age. 🥰

This was after she asked how you decided who to have babies with and I said it should be someone you loved very much and trusted.

RewildingAmbridge · 21/05/2022 20:32

I was betrothed at a similar age, we were going to get married and he was going to be a policeman and I was going to be a judge. We were also going to have a yellow car.
He is now a policeman, I work in the criminal justice system (and would still like to be a magistrate at some point), we are not married and neither of us have a yellow car (as far as I know).
I don't think it's anything to worry about, my cousin announced at a slightly older age that she was a lesbian, when queried she said she really really loved her best friend (a girl) and wanted to marry her, so they must be lesbians (another female adult family member had a female partner so the concept was familiar to her). There's quite a lot of intensity in friendships at that age and they don't know what romantic love it sexual attraction are.

Whitewolf2 · 21/05/2022 20:36

We’ve had this too, our daughter has had a ‘boyfriend’ from her class, then they ‘broke up’ and someone else was his ‘girlfriend’. It did feel a bit weird, I think they’re just play acting, but we did tell our dd to only play if she wants to and say no if not. She says really she wants to marry her sister when she grows up, or me, which I plan to remind her when she’s a teenager.

whatkatydid2013 · 21/05/2022 20:37

My 5 year old is in love with her friend who lives down the street and is in her class. She was previously going to marry one of the girls and before that had a “boyfriend”. They are just playing though they are rather sweet together checking the other is ok, making sure the other boys and girls are nice to them, picking up things they think the other would like/making cards etc. if her and her future partner are as thoughtful and caring towards each other as adults it would be no bad thing

Pinkflipflop85 · 21/05/2022 20:37

I have taught ks1 children for over 15 years. This is very normal! I honestly lose track of who is marrying who each week. One particular group have declared that they all love each other so they will all get married together in one big happy family...

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 21/05/2022 20:38

It's totally normal. Like roleplaying in the home corner etc. The way I see it (my eldest in in year 2 and has a "boyfriend" she's going to marry) is that this is their first foray into establishing relationships independently with other people outside their family structure and role playing them out. I also think it's a nice opportunity to use to speak about relationships and respect and building a relationship with my kids where they feel they can come and talk to me about anything and am hoping that they'll continue to feel that way as they get older.

Equally.... I met my husband in reception and told my mum I would marry him when I was in year 1... 😂🤦🏼‍♀️ Admittedly it took 24 years longer than that.

ThatsBullshirt · 21/05/2022 20:38

Probably normal but I also understand that uncomfortable feeling about it. Something about kids that age being "in love" or talking of marrying each other gives me the ick.

I remember having my first wee crush and being "in love" at 6 but I do think it was influenced a bit by friends/siblings/parents as it was the son of a friend of my parents. That said, DS is five and honestly I'm not even sure if he realises he can have crushes. We've never asked if there's someone he LIKES.

Georgeskitchen · 21/05/2022 20:40

You're overthinking. Age 5 I wanted to marry my cat.
Now in my sixties, I would still marry my cat 🐈

bigbeautifulmonster · 21/05/2022 20:40

JorisBonson · 21/05/2022 20:28

I used to say this about Sean Connery.

Hahahaha good point!