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Original poster

5 year olds talking about being in love

54 replies

NotoriousGnocchi · 21/05/2022 20:09

Is this normal? DD (5) told me today she is in love with one of her classmates (6) and wants to marry him when she's older. Let's call him John. Apparently John keeps telling her that she is in love with him and he is in love with her. She said he keeps whispering it into her ear. I asked her what being in love means (she just said she's going to marry him I think) and I asked her if she is in lovr with him and she answered that he keeps saying she is and that she would like to be (in love with him)

I know at this age if doesn't mean anything and he's probably just copying what he's heard from adults or TV / movies but I find it a bit cringe. And slightly disturbing though I'm not sure why. I know some parents think it's cute.

I guess I especially don't like the ear whispering as if it's a secret. Does he know he shouldn't be saying stuff like this and is that's why whispering? I also didn't like the way DD mentioned it, kind of bashful and giggly ... like a Disney Princess. She doesn't watch movies (gets too scared of them) so I'm not sure where she's getting that from.

I wouldn't mind so much if he told every girl that he was in love with them all the time but I know this John a few months ago "proposed" to another classmate (as the mums briefly mentioned it on the group chat). Apparently he told DD now that he's moved on from that girl and is in lovr with DD. I don't like that either. The exclusiveness of it.

I don't really know what or if I need to do anything about it. I think the best way is to not make a big deal of it. I was just neutral when DD told me about it.

I don't like it though I can't really put my finger on why. I don't mind her play acting other adult stuff but then this isn't exactly play acting or pretend play, is it? I just want her to be a child for longer and not worry about this stuff.

Am I over thinking it?

Should I have more of a chat with her? Maybe just about how she can love many people and be friends with many people but being in love is more for adults? I mean we talk about all kinds of stuff all the time so I could raise it without even referring to this boy or anything.

Should I mention it to the teacher? Without naming names? Maybe they can discuss it in pshe? Or would they think I'm unnecessarily paranoid and reading too much into it?

Well...Am I?

OP posts:
pastabest · 21/05/2022 20:44

Based on my 5 year old it's hopefully normal.

She came home.from school this week telling me that two of the girls were going to get married because they loved each other.

We then got into a whole conversation about same sex relationships I hadn't been expecting for a few more years!

SuperTiredAgain · 21/05/2022 21:16

I got married when I was 5. I remember the teachers were the priest or something like that! And the ceremony was in the playground! His name was Henry. The marriage didn't last long!

I wonder how his life turned out!! And if he's married now, I wonder if his current wife knows about me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

UpdownUpdownAltogetherNow · 21/05/2022 21:26

My 6 year old currently has 3 boyfriends which seems quite greedy when there are only 11 boys in the class and 16 girls.

Poppyseed14 · 21/05/2022 22:21

My DD (only child) said a few years ago that she was going to marry her (female) friend just so that they could have bunk beds 😆 I think you are overthinking it OP.

Gymnopedie · 21/05/2022 22:33

I'm sure it will pass and it'll be nothing to worry about. But what does strike me is that all the PPs saying it happened to them or their DCs, the thought came from them. In your DD's case this isn't her own feeling, she's being told that that's how she feels and she's taking it on board. Make sure she doesn't carry that approach into later years (and I wonder what John will turn out like??).

ManateeFair · 21/05/2022 22:37

When I was six my best friend proposed to me with a costume ring he’d got from his big sister.

We’re still friends to this day. He’s married to a man now.

minipie · 21/05/2022 22:41

Normal. Don’t worry, by age 8 they’ll think love and kissing is beyond disgusting …

Mamai90 · 21/05/2022 22:46

When I was 5 I wanted to marry a boy in my class because I was told I couldn't marry my daddy or my uncle.

My sister wanted to marry our female (older cousin) when she was that age.

It's totally normal!

scrivette · 21/05/2022 22:48

Completely normal, my 4 year old wants to marry her big brother though, her big brother is horrified.

Age 9 I had a full on proposal with a red rose and I said yes and I got a ring and a wedding with bridesmaids and a bouquet, we were the talk of the school!

Original poster
NotoriousGnocchi · 21/05/2022 23:21

Gymnopedie · 21/05/2022 22:33

I'm sure it will pass and it'll be nothing to worry about. But what does strike me is that all the PPs saying it happened to them or their DCs, the thought came from them. In your DD's case this isn't her own feeling, she's being told that that's how she feels and she's taking it on board. Make sure she doesn't carry that approach into later years (and I wonder what John will turn out like??).

Yes, that's what concerns me a bit too. John told her that she is in love with him (and he is with her) and now she WANTS to be in love with him. I told her only she can know and decide whom she likes / loves / is in love with.

Also I don't like the whispering about it. Why does he think they have to keep it secret?

And I don't like the "I've moved on from Girl 1 and now I'm in love with you". I'm kind of hoping he'll move on to girl 3 soon but to be honest being broken up with is not something I want her to waste headspace (or emotions) I on at the age of 5.

I'd prefer if she wanted to marry her cat or her umbrella by the way...😁

OP posts:
WarOnSlugs · 22/05/2022 02:01

My 3 year old told me who she is marrying. I asked her whether she'd discussed it with him? She said "not yet". Soon after she said she wanted to but "he was grumpy today". Then she came home all bouncy because they'd agreed to get married and have lots of children. He told his mum this too and she even discussed it with his mum at a birthday party. 🤣🤣

It's normal for kids to play games where they copy adult relationships. My son, who is a bit older, is going to buy a house down the road with the girl he has already decided to marry, so he can see me every day. I expect him to change his mind in his teenage years!

Nothing to worry about OP. Just mimicing the adult relationships they see.

Blackheath95 · 22/05/2022 02:17

My childhood friend and I told our new mutual next door neighbours that we were going to marry soon and move into their house. So we could live in-between our parents. We were 5/6 years old, hasn’t happened. So yes very normal.

DropYourSword · 22/05/2022 02:24

At 5 my DS wanted to marry both me and his daddy!

AgeingDoc · 22/05/2022 02:24

I was absolutely sure I was going to marry Prince Charles at that age. Phew - lucky escape! 😂
And I remember my DS announcing with tears in his eyes "I'll never love another girl the way I love Emma!"when Emma moved house so changed school...in Reception. He got over her pretty quickly though!
I'd say it's normal behaviour for the age OP and I wouldn't worry too much.

WarOnSlugs · 22/05/2022 02:28

AgeingDoc · 22/05/2022 02:24

I was absolutely sure I was going to marry Prince Charles at that age. Phew - lucky escape! 😂
And I remember my DS announcing with tears in his eyes "I'll never love another girl the way I love Emma!"when Emma moved house so changed school...in Reception. He got over her pretty quickly though!
I'd say it's normal behaviour for the age OP and I wouldn't worry too much.

Lucky escape indeed!!!

JingsMahBucket · 22/05/2022 02:33

SpaceJamtart · 21/05/2022 20:26

I got married in nursery and in year R to two different boys.
My auntie reminds told me that I told her, very secretively, about it but she couldnt come to my wedding as it was going to happen under the slide and grown ups can't fit there.

Its normal and just part of playing pretend and mimicking grownups.

This is so cute and are many of the other stories. They’ve brought a warm smile to my face.

TooManyPJs · 22/05/2022 02:35

This is completely normal. Including the whispering. Children love a secret! The whispering at this age is usually pretty ineffective. So harmless. They are playing and learning about affection and relationships. In their minds when you like/love somebody you marry them. Like their parents or couples they see. They don't realise that it's a different sort of love and that there are sexual connotations at all. You are looking at this from your adult perspective. Their minds are very different.

WarOnSlugs · 22/05/2022 02:35

That is super cute. Apparently my daughter's betrothed (both 3) told his mum that he'd marry her, and will marry her again and again.

So cute but they have no idea what any of it means. They are just playing. 💛

WarOnSlugs · 22/05/2022 02:36

TooManyPJs · 22/05/2022 02:35

This is completely normal. Including the whispering. Children love a secret! The whispering at this age is usually pretty ineffective. So harmless. They are playing and learning about affection and relationships. In their minds when you like/love somebody you marry them. Like their parents or couples they see. They don't realise that it's a different sort of love and that there are sexual connotations at all. You are looking at this from your adult perspective. Their minds are very different.

Exactly this.

cutebutscary · 22/05/2022 02:47

When I was young I used to tell my family that I was going to marry my uncle when I grew up Blush. I think it's just a funny phase OP so don't worry too much !

DyingForACuppa · 22/05/2022 03:08

I got engaged in the school playground in infant school. And I've recently had to explain to my four year old that sadly I can't marry her when she gets older as I'm her mum!

You're reading an adult understand of these things that almost certainly isn't there!

Thebeastofsleep · 22/05/2022 06:16

My 6yo and his best mate have been engaged since he was 4. They talk all the time about growing up and getting married, loving each other. Occasionally he wants to marry someone different which upsets his best friend!

Totally normal.

Wakemeup17 · 22/05/2022 06:19

My 5yo wants to marry her best friend.

Lanareyrey · 22/05/2022 06:23

I personally think it’s a bit grim but I’m lucky my kids never really did that. However, I do know of other girls who have have have consistently had boyfriends since age 4 and has been encouraged and normalised by parents, now at 10 has progressed to a lot more not so innocent interactions. Doesn’t sit well with me.

TellerTuesday · 22/05/2022 06:30

Totally normal.

On DDs first day in reception she came home saying she was going to marry B. He was new (hadn't been to school nursery) and think he latched on to DD.

They're going into year 5 next and are both still adamant that they're are boyfriend & girlfriend and will get married as adults.

I think it would actually be lovely if they did

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