Private School Norm?

[Movingmarbles]

We moved our DS to a school in U.K. ( we lived overseas) as he needed a more stable education and our other DCs had less than great experiences in the international setting.
DH stayed working overseas in order to pay for fees and the sacrifice we made has been a long distance family life which sure had challenges during the last few years.
Anyway, the school we chose was great and DS very happy but it gradually seems to be operating this two tier payment system whereby half the DC in his year are on bursaries. Now, I know we are really fortunate to be able to pay for school, however, we pile everything into it and with costs of flights going through the roof as well as everything else, we are starting to struggle. DS has a ‘scholarship’ on merit but no financial benefit whatsoever so AIBU to look at other schools? I know this school is stretched but it just seems so unfair that we are struggling while I watch the school fill their seats with children on bursaries who appear to have far more ability to pay than we do ( their children do talk!). I know I’m in for a roasting for even writing this but I do need some perspective I guess.

Schools need to offer scholarships to be classed as a charity for tax purposes otherwise the fees would be much higher as the costs would be higher for the school.

Have you applied for one at your current school and been rejected? If so, then of course try other schools as some offer many more bursaries than others.

I know this school is stretched

What do you mean?

Financially, they all are post Cov I guess?

How do you know? Your ds has his scholarship. Mostbpeople don't compare financial notes. If your dh had opted to work in UK maybe your ds would have been eligible too. If the school is struggling to fill full fee places maybe it does not have a long term future, how long has your ds got left?

Bursaries can only be offered to resident families - charitable status in the UK for boarding schools generally means that only if you pay tax/live in the UK will you get a bursary. The school obviously appreciates your child and has offered a scholarship which is all they can do for overseas students.
I understand that it is a stretch. Have you spoken to the bursar to see if there is anything else that can be done in the current circumstances?
The children may talk but it doesn't necesarily mean it is accurate. I have friends whose children are boarding - they get a bursary even though on the outside it looks as though they are comfortable (I haven't asked how much they get which would be rude & nosey). I do know that bursary applications are investigated to stop abuse - they take all sorts of circumstances into account, not just earnings. I am sure there are ways to fiddle it, however if you do, you are stopping the school from offering a place to a family who might otherwise be unable to afford the place.

I know of a couple of families who get 100% and 120% bursaries - the 100% covers all the fees, which means the family can afford the uniform, the 120% means the child gets uniform, exam fees and can do the whole school / necessary trips (and this family is a lone parent with a child who was severely bullied at the state school).

Why wouldn’t you ask at his current school? He’s on a scholarship. If your financial situation has changed, he might be eligible for a bursary too.

If you are struggling to pay the fees, or think those on bursaries earn less, then apply for a bursary yourself.

Oh my fucking God, what is it with Mumsnet ATM??

Yet another rich person whining that the privileges they get for being rich aren't meeting their expectations.

The fucking entitlement is literally squirting out like toothpaste from a tube squeezed by an over enthusiastic toddler.

Explain to the school that you're starting to struggle to pay the fees and that you would like to apply for a bursary. If your son already has a scholarship based on merit then I'm sure they'll want to want to keep him.

Speak to the school about whether you would be eligible for a bursary.

What is a scholarship with no financial benefit? How do you even know which kids have bursaries and for how much?!

Honestly, be grateful that you can afford choices like a private boarding school (I assume it’s boarding if you’re abroad) just because your local school wasn’t ideal. Most U.K. parents can’t afford private school just because their local comprehensive didn’t suit their child. “Sacrifice you made” - seriously?! You could presumably all have moved back to the U.K. and sent your DS to whatever local state school was nearby. Jobs abroad, long distance family life and private school was your choice - you pay for it/own it. You aren’t “struggling” in any meaningful sense, flights and private schools are absolute luxuries.

Bursaries are for UK residents only, you choose not to be a resident, so of course lose any perks available to residents.

The fucking entitlement is literally squirting out like toothpaste from a tube squeezed by an over enthusiastic toddler. pmsl at this.

Besides comments like the above, if you need to look elsewhere OP then do so, though it may feel disturbing to your child to be uprooted. Private school is an enormous financial commitment. If it were me, I'd suck it up & do everything to push through to the end. I was prepared to sell my house to pay for school fees but it wasn't needed in the end.

I think OP and her son are now UK resident- it's just the dad abroad.

Honestly @Movingmarbles you cannot go by what kids say. One of my dd's bff's goes to a small independent school, they also live in a 4 bed detached home, and summer at their grandparents holiday cottage by the sea. However, the truth of the situation is their Dad barely works, their Mum does a demanding WFH job doing repairs, they have a 75% bursary for all 4, the home is rented through their Church so they pay about 1/4 of the market rent, and the cottage is very much the grandparents - is very rustic, very out of the way and shared between grandparents 5 dc and their families. So each gets about a week in summer hols and a weekend in may or june. The family also can't pay their bills, have teeth pulled rather than have the costs, the eldest two dc pay towards rent and have been told the money saved for Uni (given by grandparents) is needed by the family. All that's to say you really just don't know. One thing the family won't do is put their kids in state schools (it's a religious thing for them - they don't believe their children should be in education with children from different religions than their own).

I also am not sure by your words if you are really struggling or if you feel it isn't fair so want the same benefits as others who receive bursaries? It feels a little more of the latter than the former. Remember many of those bursaries may only be equivalent to the scholarship your son is on. The smallest bursary I've seen is 5%, with many/most at 10-25%.

I'm likewise unsure to what extent you can know anyone else's financial circumstances and bursary details from your child? I was at school on an armed forces bursary plus a top up scholarship for academic achievement, can't say I ever knew everyone else's details apart from the fact that the forces bursary kids were obvious as we all lived abroad??Are they bursaries actually FROM the school or being paid for by pupils' parents' employers.... I would say at my school this was far more common than bursaries being given by the school for parents on low incomes (think we probably had 1 token person in my year!) but different schools may see their "charitable" contribution differently plus target different financial markets hence we had a lot of British parents who were based aboard. There nothing wrong with applying for a bursary if you think you'd meet the criteria of this particular school (or any other) or choosing to move your son elsewhere, it is a massive financial commitment and does always need to be balanced against your overall financial stability.

The presumptions are rife and fair enough, presume away. To clarify, DH was sent overseas by his company and we have never been able to afford to return as circumstances changed along the way and we made some mistakes. We have no home here but are British and I live here with my mum so DS can go to school. We could have sent him to a local comp but he would have been eaten alive. I don’t take for granted anything but some will do anything and everything to make better decisions for their kids when they right royally messed up the others lives. I’ve got the perspective I needed. I shall stop worrying about the others and just try and get through the next 4 years but can’t go cap in hand to a school that has already declared it’s financial struggles.

To be honest that would grate on me too. I felt annoyed when kids were in nursery and everyone else was getting 30 hours FREE! I had to work and pay for my kids place…infuriating.

I think most private schools are rolling in it at the moment - I'd be more looking at why a private was struggling.... Is it on the way out?

I am so bored of these parents who say their precious DC could have been "sent him to a local comp but he would have been eaten alive". I bet you have never even visited the "local comp". Most of us care hugely about the education and wellbeing of our children and are happy to send them to state schools - you know, those 93% of UK children who attend state schools. You want to attend private, that's your choice. But pay for it and shut up.

@Nowfeeltheneedtopost Totally agree. Eaten alive by who exactly? The awful feral chavs? There are lots of very bright children at state schools you know. Lots of very quiet, sensitive ones also. Lots of sporty, self-confident ones too.

The best and kindest children are not necessarily the richest ones.

I have kids who went to comps and it's funny imagining them eating people alive 🤣

Private schools are supposed to be the places where kids become confident but if they are scared of state school kids then that couldn't be true?!

Unless your local comprehensive is Grange Hill, then your fear of your precious DC being "eaten alive" smacks of horrible snobbery. My DC attend the local comprehensive, about 50% of their friends and relatives attend private schools. As far as I know, they have never eaten a child who attends private school. What kind of feral chavs do you think make up most state secondary schools? Maybe you are projecting the reverse of your disdain for the state sector onto these kids?