High earners - how do you spend your salary?

[Citygirly]

DH and I earn just under £140k combined.

We do maximum pension payments (his is 9% as NHS) and we also give about 10% a month to charity.

Other than that, we plan to start overpaying the mortgage. We invest £1k a month (so £500 each) and save £1k for holidays. We of course do general/specific savings but then have a good chunk left over for disposable income.

AIBU to ask other high earning households how they tend to allocate their money? Just want to see if we could be using it better or this is about right for comparables.

I am so depressed now

@Robinni

There are no horrible kids at private schools?

Have you seen the tory Party?

@Citygirly the other thing about private schools, and ours went to London Day Schools is the subject specialisation early on and introduction of languages. From age 7/8 French, Maths Science, English, Ancient History/early Latin, Geography and History were all taught by subject specialists. Both children have very sound friendship groups which are carrying through with them.

DS is finishing a PhD, DD shortly due to start a Masters in Speech and Language therapy. Both went to Oxbridge. DS very sporty and DD very musical and both those interests were well catered for.

If both DC work for 35 years and earn £20k more per year than they otherwise would have (entirely feasible) the differential should be £700,000 between them. Jointly their educations have cost us about £350,000. But well worth it in every way apart from that.

DH went to the local comp and became a lawyer (barrister). He was insistent the children should learn Latin because he felt it was something he missed out on. He was about 27 when we met and didn't have the self confidence I had despite having a brain like a planet.

Another vote for private school. Both DC started off at outstanding state schools and the private schools are completely different once they joined. They are now both thriving.
it does make you feel like you live in a distorted world though, dropping off DCs at other parents’ multimillion-pound houses with a pool in London 😂 (and our house is multimillion with a small mortgage)
other than school fees, various services, cleaner gardener babysitters etc kids music lessons, our own hobbies, personal trainers, gyms, nice holidays, going out, parties, shows musicals etc
we don’t deliberately save as we are expected to cash out 8 figure equities in the future but we do spend sensibly.
once you have kids, time is really the biggest luxury. Anything that will save time or raise the quality of time spent is worth spending. I’m not into luxury goods as much but indulge in Invisalign and some non injectable beauty treatments ultherapy, Fontana 4d type stuff… too many women go overboard with injectables so gotta be careful…

Thank you for making me actually LOL

@Topgub Never mind public perceptions of the Tories. Have you been to a private school yourself, or had your children, family, friends and their children go?

Yes there can be bullying. But it is not on the same physical and abusive level, that wouldn't stand. My DH went to state schools the whole way through and remembers the odd person being beaten to a pulp and hospitalised at secondary level.

When I moved to grammar and there were kids from state primary there some were lovely but some I was absolutely appalled and had never seen anything like the behaviour, even in terms of consideration for other people and saying please and thank you.

Mortgage
Bills
Pensions
Childcare
Hols
Stuff for the house
Savings

In roughly that order.

Yes there can be bullying. But it is not on the same physical and abusive level, that wouldn't stand. My DH went to state schools the whole way through and remembers the odd person being beaten to a pulp and hospitalised at secondary level.

Christ, which schools did he go to?! Physical abuse and being "beaten to a pulp" would result in permanent exclusion and police involvement at my DD's public secondary school. No ifs, no buts - that shit would not be tolerated. I'm not sure which schools your DH went to where this was tolerated, sounds horrific!

DH still worries about what people think; if he's done something wrong or made a faux pas. I have never worried in the slightest.

@Robinni @Howmuchwood @Xenia @RosesAndHellebores @Nc1104 thank you all. That's really helpful and insightful. A few questions.

I always thought that if I would consider private, it would be for secondary. Do you think it would be beneficial from primary level?

In terms of pricing structure, are the music lessons, before and after school club included?

On average how much is it a year?

How much do ski trips etc cost?

Average class size I. Your experience?

How long before TTC would you suggest saving if considering private school and how much would you advise we aim for?

Sorry for all the questions but this advice is really helpful, thank you all.

@JenniferPlantain yes that was one of the best ever MNet comments I have ever seen and I have been here for a long time.

@juleswatford good for you. If only more businesses had that ethos.

Religious boys state school. Yes there was permanent exclusion and police involvement, but apparently this was the culmination of issues that had simmered for quite a while. Didn't happen to DH but he had bullying as well. Perhaps better in a mixed sex state school with girls to balance things.

My DH went to state schools the whole way through and remembers the odd person being beaten to a pulp and hospitalised at secondary level.

I don't think that's representative of most state schools. I went to excellent London state schools (catholic) & they were strict.

I have also worked at a very competitive, popular grammar school & all the kids are tutored even the prep ones so personally don't feel private primary is worth it if you have an excellent state one close.

@Robinni

Yes I know of some kids whove gone to private schools. As I said, bullying, drugs and sexual harassment all rife and not addressed

Its ludicrous to suggest it doesn't happen in private schools.

Especially when we all know how PE adults turn out....

We decided to do primary and we are so happy we did. But it does add up. Fees ~£4000 a term, uniform was about £500, breakfast club, after school club and music lessons are all extra. Ski trips will be £1-2k.
Class size ~15 for us.
It has been a wonderful experience so far, the kids are very happy.

I agree with what a previous poster said about pastoral care . Also it is possible that the teachers may have more time due to smaller class sizes/better remunerated/more support.

I feel as though the school does a lot for the confidence of the children, they make sure they are mixing with many different ages from Reception and they come out being able to talk to anyone.

Crikey op mine are 24 and 27 now. One's about to get married. The last year they were in London Day School's together the joint fees, were £34k per annum. I think it's reasonable to add 15% to 20% for lunches, music lessons, trips, etc. Ski-ing was about £600/£700 I think but DS only went once as he and DH learnt together in Aspen from when he was about 9 and still go every Feb, Covid permitting. Everything but sport is extra (ahem - cricket kit can come to £500 for initial outlay).

DS was a sportsman and trips to South America, SA, Sri Lanka about £2500 a pop. DD's music tours were much less. There was a ludicrous trip organised for The Galapagos Island for a shade under £4k - even Wimbledon Village hooted and it was cancelled.

10% to charity? Really???

10% to charity is a normal expectation in many cultures. I have several family members who do this.

Oh and how exactly do we turn out @Topgub? How many of us are actually in your personal circle whom you know extremely well.

@Robinni

As I said, you just need to look at the tory Party.

Not nice when people make presumptions about your lack of character based on your education eh?

I always thought that if I would consider private, it would be for secondary. Do you think it would be beneficial from primary level?

It made ALL the difference for DC1. In his state school, I'm pretty sure they thought he was a little, how shall we say, slow and challenged. He wasn't, he was just scared of the shouty teacher who had no time for him as she had 29 other kids to deal with. In his private school, he is thriving and doing very very well. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if we had not changed.

OP we moved DS when he was 8. When we had 4 years' fees in the bank and we were secure in the fact that if anything bad happened, like critical illness, we could sell the house and buy a slightly smaller one in zone 4 and be able to pay all fees until dc were 18 with the change.

OMG so precious