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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my dH to keep the kids a little bit quiet

44 replies

MRSMARMITE3 · 21/05/2022 10:02

So I work till midnight, scoot home (can't drive) which takes an hour then normally get up 7 so always feel like shit. I've been doing overtime as we are skint (unexpected car bill) and finished work at 2am last night. So didn't get home till 3. dH got up with the kids but they have been constantly screaming, banging, standing outside my door. dH was even standing outside on load speaker to his mum. I'm so tired and angry and I'm in work again tonight. I got up at 9.30 and came down to him with his headphones on watching Tv on his phone ( kids were upstairs of course) his response- I thought they were being quiet? Surely it's not unreasonable to expect dH to keep them a bit quiet? Or take them bloody out. It's a nice day

OP posts:
Topgub · 21/05/2022 10:07

Yanbu

Did you tell him to take them out then go back to bed?

SuziSecondLaw · 21/05/2022 10:08

Yeah this would really piss me off. Not the same I know, but my dp and I both try and give each other a lie-in at the weekend, it's kinda expected that the one getting up keeps ds quiet (as much as possible, he is only 1 🤣).

mistermagpie · 21/05/2022 10:10

This would annoy me too. My kids get up ridiculously early so DH gets up with them and then I get up at a more reasonable hour while he goes back to bed (the littlest wouldn't let me go back to bed, so we do it this way). We both try really hard to keep the kids quiet, there are three of them and they are young but they still understand that they don't go upstairs to play while someone is in bed. And none of this is about someone being tired from working late! I would be raging in your shoes.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2022 10:10

Why the hell was he on loudspeaker outside the door? Have you told him to keep them downstairs and quiet? I creep round when my Dh is on night shift.

nearlyspringyay · 21/05/2022 10:11

Was it you that had the kids banging saucepans outside the door last week?

Thehop · 21/05/2022 10:12

I’d be bloody furious, the inconsiderate nob.

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 21/05/2022 10:12

Yeah we do this on the weekend I'm not working. The kids when I'm up never go upstairs so stay with me so I suppose it's easier for me to keep them quiet

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 21/05/2022 10:12

Selfish arsehole!
Can you go to your Mum’s/ a friend’s for a few hours to snooze and have some peace and quiet?

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 21/05/2022 10:13

I would of but sadly I had to get up at 9.30 anyway. I just would have liked to be asleep the whole time before that rather than been woke up every five minutes

OP posts:
Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 21/05/2022 10:16

I literally feel like I'm going to be sick. He often refers to my mornings in bed as "lie ins " which make me feel guilty. Luckily he hasn't done it this morning or I would smother him.i think part of my rage is because all this over time is to pay for our car, which I can't drive . And I have to scoot (manual scooter) through a town at 2 in the morning whilst he drives to and from work then gets to go to bed at 10. I'm so fucking tired

OP posts:
Oldraver · 21/05/2022 10:22

MRSMARMITE3 · 21/05/2022 10:16

I literally feel like I'm going to be sick. He often refers to my mornings in bed as "lie ins " which make me feel guilty. Luckily he hasn't done it this morning or I would smother him.i think part of my rage is because all this over time is to pay for our car, which I can't drive . And I have to scoot (manual scooter) through a town at 2 in the morning whilst he drives to and from work then gets to go to bed at 10. I'm so fucking tired

So tell him this. Be firm with him that you need to sleep and not be disturbed

Aprilx · 21/05/2022 10:26

MRSMARMITE3 · 21/05/2022 10:16

I literally feel like I'm going to be sick. He often refers to my mornings in bed as "lie ins " which make me feel guilty. Luckily he hasn't done it this morning or I would smother him.i think part of my rage is because all this over time is to pay for our car, which I can't drive . And I have to scoot (manual scooter) through a town at 2 in the morning whilst he drives to and from work then gets to go to bed at 10. I'm so fucking tired

You are married to an arsehole. I cannot imagine a world in which my husband would leave me to come home by myself (without a car) at 2am. No decent man would do this.

Holidayroundthecorner · 21/05/2022 10:30

Imo write down a weekly typical schedule
Let the twat see in black and white who is getting sleep...
And who is just a cunt...

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 21/05/2022 10:34

See I'm conflicted about this. He's can't come and get me, we have small kids who will be in bed. However people at work keep going on about me going home like that. But then I think if I was a man would they care? I did say about this to dh but he said nothing ever happens here and he would only be worried if we lived up north

OP posts:
Onwards22 · 21/05/2022 10:37

YANBU but this is more than just you having a ‘lie in’.

How far is your work?
Does he currently have the car or is it in the garage?

I’ve never known anyone that would happy for someone to walk/scoot home by themselves at 2am in the morning when they can just nip and pick them up.

Onwards22 · 21/05/2022 10:38

Sorry cross posted.

KangFang · 21/05/2022 10:42

He's an arsehole.

MarvellousMay · 21/05/2022 10:44

YANBU. Why didn’t he get them up and out?! This is what the playground is for on a dry morning.
The whole balance sounds off. Time for a serious chat.

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 21/05/2022 10:45

3.5 miles. I wouldn't expect him to wake the kids up to come get me. The cars back now as been fixed but cost loads

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 21/05/2022 10:48

You really need to rest as sleep is vital for health.

Scootering will be contributing to tiredness so if you can't afford a taxi then I don't think you can continue working. Your work ethic is very admirable but it's probadly too outside of what is sensible.

DoubleGauze · 21/05/2022 10:49

One practical solution is to get a white noise machine , and ear plugs. It'll help a little. But really the issue is your husband. He needs to stop calling your sleep a lay in and he needs to keep the kids quiet.if he won't then it's up to you to decide what to do about that.

nearlyspringyay · 21/05/2022 10:51

You could walk 3.5 miles in a hour or most people could. The scooting should be a lot quicker.

Why are you paying for a car you don't / can't use?

GeorgiaGirl52 · 21/05/2022 10:54

Taxi, driving lessons, bicycle, quit work and be a SAHM?

gamerchick · 21/05/2022 10:55

Tell him that you're going to knock the overtime on the head because you're starting to think of him in an unkind way.

Tell him that if he calls you trying to get enough sleep a lie in and doesn't make more of an effort to keep it peaceful you'll think he's a cunt. The problem here is your husband, spell it out to him.

ImBurtMacklin · 21/05/2022 10:56

Aprilx · 21/05/2022 10:26

You are married to an arsehole. I cannot imagine a world in which my husband would leave me to come home by myself (without a car) at 2am. No decent man would do this.

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So @Aprilx what be the solution to this in your world?

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