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Original poster

Would this bother you?

62 replies

Tidyhousemessyhouse · 20/05/2022 20:20

Regarding housework/mess. Would this bother you or am I being a bit obsessive?

Dh has come home from work at 5, we've both had to take the dc to separate hobbies this evening, I'd made dinner which just needed to be reheated. I'm going round just tidying up for the evening ready to settle down and in the bedroom dh has left tissues all over the bed and floor, all the drawers are left open, wardrobe doors left open, towel on the floor.

I'm doing nearly all the housework because I work part time and I'm just absolutely sick to the back teeth of people making a mess and not clearing up after themselves.

The dc aren't babies/toddlers anymore eldest is a teen and imo there's just no excuse anymore why we need to live in a mess. It creates more work (for me).

OP posts:
SeedyBloomer · 20/05/2022 20:22

Yes. It’s selfish. Call him into the bedroom like a child and make him clear it all up, since he can’t tidy up after himself like an adult.

carefullycourageous · 20/05/2022 20:25

You do not have to do anything with his stuff, just leave it for him to do.

Original poster
Tidyhousemessyhouse · 20/05/2022 20:30

The problem is though that he will just leave it there. It bothers me but it doesn't bother him.

OP posts:
HSKAT · 20/05/2022 20:31

Put it in a pile on his side of the bedroom and leave it.

lancsgirl85 · 20/05/2022 20:31

Yes it would bother me and I'd be asking him to sort it himself.

Original poster
Tidyhousemessyhouse · 20/05/2022 20:32

We've got an early start tomorrow and will be out most of the day which is why I want to leave the house in order.

The problem is I'm living with a dh and dc that don't give a shit if they live in mess and dirt.

OP posts:
User3568975431146 · 20/05/2022 20:39

Wouldn't bother me at all, it's hardly a huge mess. I'd just close the doors/drawers on my way past and pick up the tissues,

TheCanyon · 20/05/2022 20:40

Pile it on their pillows. My dh left shit on the bed so it would be dumped on his pillow, bedside drawers or on top of his grotty paint splattered overalls. His poor football top got wet caulk stuck to it and he learnt that instant. Never done it again.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/05/2022 20:42

User3568975431146 · 20/05/2022 20:39

Wouldn't bother me at all, it's hardly a huge mess. I'd just close the doors/drawers on my way past and pick up the tissues,

While you're at it stick a broom up your arse and sweep at the same time.

If is a small job, she can do it. Other people's fissures are different to one's own!

Original poster
Tidyhousemessyhouse · 20/05/2022 20:42

Wouldn't bother me at all, it's hardly a huge mess. I'd just close the doors/drawers on my way past and pick up the tissues,

Right, so essentially you think that I should spend my evenings picking up after my husband?

It's not a huge mess, but considering it wouldn't get moved unless I did it or I called him to do it, there'll be another small pile of mess tomorrow morning, followed by another few things dumped somewhere else, within a few days it will be a huge mess.

OP posts:
SomersetONeil · 20/05/2022 20:43

It would drive me nuts.

It helps to be with a man who knows how to adult. You know, like women do.

SomersetONeil · 20/05/2022 20:44

User3568975431146 · 20/05/2022 20:39

Wouldn't bother me at all, it's hardly a huge mess. I'd just close the doors/drawers on my way past and pick up the tissues,

Just because you’re happy to skivvy after other humans, doesn’t mean everyone is.

StrawberryPot · 20/05/2022 20:44

Yes - it would really piss me off.

Davros · 20/05/2022 20:45

Plonk it on his pillow or inside his side of the bed

Topgub · 20/05/2022 20:45

Its not your mess, so don't clean it up.

Same for the kids.

As long as you keep clearing up after them, they'll keep letting you.

CorneliaMarie · 20/05/2022 20:46

My DC (9) is responsible for their cleaning every Sat. I help change sheets and hoover but tidying, throwing rubbish away and general sorting their stuff is their responsibility. They are super good about it.

I mostly sleep in a separate room to DP due to various back injuries and disturbed sleep. Bonus is my room is always spotless! His room I don’t go in. Realise not everyone can do that but keeps me a bit more sane. I then expect communal areas are kept to an agreed standard and everyone should help, although I probably do a bit more.

Trainfromredhill · 20/05/2022 20:47

Yes. It would hugely bother me. Since my first mat leave DH has wanted me to be at SAHM. We don’t need the money but I knew I would turn into the house slave. Have worked 80% at least. We have a cleaner but I’m not clearing up shit because I’m the only adult female in the house.

Original poster
Tidyhousemessyhouse · 20/05/2022 20:47

It's always just a pair of shoes left in the middle of the hallway, just a coat and jumper draped over the bannister, just a towel, just a couple of screwdrivers on the kitchen worktop, just a cup on the floor, just a few drawers left open, just a light left on.

OP posts:
motogirl · 20/05/2022 20:49

It wouldn't bother me but then I'm the one who creates mess and fails to notice. We are all different and unfortunately if you live with others who don't notice mess it's frustrating.

vipersnest1 · 20/05/2022 20:51

Yy, gather up all of the crap and put it on his side of the bed - and do it every day until he gets the message. That would annoy me too. (Make sure you leave enough space for yourself to get into bed though!)

Original poster
Tidyhousemessyhouse · 20/05/2022 20:51

To be fair I don't keep picking up after him because I tell him to do it.

But I don't want to keep feeling like his bloody mother because he's a messy sod.

It's draining having to constantly remind a grown adult to move their shit.

OP posts:
Wouldyoudoit2 · 20/05/2022 20:51

Does he have a car that he likes kept clean?
transfer it there or to where it bothers him.

vrrnbb · 20/05/2022 20:54

It may be what triggers you, doesn't trigger him the same. You need to communicate your concern, and let him understand it is causing you additional stress. Let him know how he can help you out. Try to sort it out patiently with him, he may be under some other stress as well. Work it out as a team and be mindful of each other.

Topgub · 20/05/2022 20:55

But it doesn't bother him.

So either you accept that and learn to live with it and leave it or you keep fighting.

Should you become messy to suit him?

ReadyToMoveIt · 20/05/2022 20:56

I hear you OP. It’s ‘just’ a tissue, or ‘just’ a wardrobe door, but when you’re always the only person cleaning up these ‘just’ messes, it makes you feel like a fucking skivvy. Happens in my house too. My kids are younger but I’ve told them (and DH) that it shows a complete lack of respect for me when they don’t clean up after themselves, because they know I’ll do it.
They’ve got better.