Would this bother you?

[Tidyhousemessyhouse]

Regarding housework/mess. Would this bother you or am I being a bit obsessive?

Dh has come home from work at 5, we've both had to take the dc to separate hobbies this evening, I'd made dinner which just needed to be reheated. I'm going round just tidying up for the evening ready to settle down and in the bedroom dh has left tissues all over the bed and floor, all the drawers are left open, wardrobe doors left open, towel on the floor.

I'm doing nearly all the housework because I work part time and I'm just absolutely sick to the back teeth of people making a mess and not clearing up after themselves.

The dc aren't babies/toddlers anymore eldest is a teen and imo there's just no excuse anymore why we need to live in a mess. It creates more work (for me).

I'm with you OP, but unfortunately don't have any answers. I broke up with exDP largely because I was so sick of skivvying after him. I tried everything from saying nothing to explaining how it made me feel to arguing to nagging, but it made no difference. I even took to putting his stuff in boxes and putting them on his desk. Within a couple of weeks his entire desk, underneath, chair and surrounding floor were stacked with boxes - he just shoved it out the way when he wanted to do some work😤I don't think it was just because I was picking up after him either, he truly didn't care. After moving out I went back a couple of months later and the place was filthy: absolutely NOTHING had been picked up or cleaned, he didn't even have sheets on the bed. He was totally normal in every other way and completely mentally healthy, he obviously just didn't see it as something that he needed to do (FWIW his mum did everything for him and his dad at home, including his washing until I took over in his twenties...)

Current DP is messy (but not in the same league as ex) and while he does try, it really puts a strain on our relationship. I find it very disrespectful. It's like he doesn't automatically consider housework to be his responsibility, so it's not even on his radar. It sounds dramatic, but it's a constant reminder of how far women still have to go to reach anything near equality.

I'd collect it all in a bag throughout the week then tip it in his car on the weekend - but I'm a petty fucker

Good timing, OP! I am in a mood with my Dh, not going to say why, but he’s done something to really upset me. I’ve been a passive aggressive cow (have also told him exactly why I’m pissed off) and not done the usual things to make life easier eg added beans/water to the coffee machine, haven’t emptied the bins/dishwasher. Miraculously, he has noticed and done these things!!

Pick them all up and put them in his car.

@Cherrysoup It sounds like his way of apologizing haha. 😆Have you forgiven him yet?

I've told him exactly how it makes me feel. In all fairness I think he does try more these days compared to years ago. Whenever I tell him how shit it makes me feel he's always got a good reason why he's left something there such as he was going to use it in a minute. He was always going to move it in a minute. But this has been found not to be true!!!

@Allinadayswork80 I think dhs house should have rung alarm bells. He had a lovely, renovated house when we met but it wasn't kept clean or tidy, he had no curtains/blinds or lampshades, no nice furniture. He said the same that he didn't see it as a home and he was never there.

Are we with the same man??!! This is exactly what mine always says! He even says “you beat me to it” even though said item has sat there for hours/days!
His place had dog hair EVERYWHERE, all over the carpet, furniture, even though his dog had passed away MONTHS ago!

How did your DC get to a teen without knowing how to be respectful and tidy up after themselves? I'm guessing your dh is the one who provided that example! I would be frustrated too. Time to call a family meeting and lay down some rules .

I have a dh and two dds like that and because I work school hours I seem tondo most of the cleaning and cooking.
I have started to make piles of their shit with their name propped against them and I just leave them there untill they clear away.
Yes its still a hassle for me but I am hoping in time it will have some effect.
Eldest dd has a pile at the moment and I reminded her last night and her response was "I have had a busy week" because she's been in a show, I told her I have a busy week every week but still manage to clear my own mess up.
I have started making my youngest do stuff like unpack her own school bag and clean out her lunch box instead of just naturally doing it myself.
I really struggle with mess, it impacts on my mood hugely so living with other people's mess is not ok.

Why is this so common with men? It's almost like domesticity and nesting is an innately female trait.

It’s almost like ‘being selfish and expecting other people to pick up after you’ is an exclusively male trait.

Your post and updates could be mistaken for me writing
Right now I'm literally grinding my teeth together as I put his rubbish wrappers in the living room into the nappy bag I'm using from changing ds bum!
I think the most frustrating part is I will tidy up after him always, he will NEVER tidy up after me. So I make sure I don't leave mess as it ends up being double the work for myself
He's started to pull the 'you just have different standards of living to me' when I brought it up I want to scream