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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never to speak to this man again because my partner doesn’t want me too?

68 replies

PinkBump2022 · 20/05/2022 16:32

I have a child with sever autism. He’s soon to be moving schools. A the school we are in I have began chatting to a dad who is there daily, he has a child in my sons class and we got chatting as he noticed my son had autism and said his other son does. We got talking about that. Turns out our children will be attending the same school. So we have became kind of friends just to chat to in the school yard while waiting for the kids to come out. My partner knows this man from his work. Hes told me he doesn’t want me to speak to him ever again. Iv asked why?? We are chatting in the school yard about our kids!! He doesn’t care and thinks it’s going to turn into meeting up for sex and affairs and who knows what else! Iv never been unfaithful but for some unknown reason my partner is insecure because I’m younger I think is the reason.
so Iv said no! I will still chat to this man about our children and it would go no further than that! Now he’s not happy with me that I won’t just blank this man for the rest of my life.
what do I do?

OP posts:
Vikinga · 20/05/2022 17:31

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That's BS. My boyfriend can and does chat to women and I don't care. I trust him and he does me.

OP, you should be able to talk to who you like. And it is beneficial if you're going to have kids in the same school. They could also potentially be friends or see each other outside of school etc. Maybe also help each other out with some respite etc.

Original poster
PinkBump2022 · 20/05/2022 20:17

This man is not single he’s married lol just his wife works at a school so she’s never there at drop off or pick up. And to the poster who said her child also has asd yes chatting to other parents in the same situation so comforting

OP posts:
SeedyBloomer · 20/05/2022 20:21

Not a chance I’d have a man ordering me not to speak to other men. Not when you’ve never been unfaithful. Not when you’ve done absolutely nothing other than speak. Who the hell does he think he is and where does this stop? His unattractive pathetic controlling jealousy is the issue that needs dealing with here, not who you choose to chat to.

vrrnbb · 20/05/2022 20:47

Sounds like your partner is controlling, insecure and jealous. If he doesn't trust you while you are not doing anything wrong, then that's just the start of issues that will happen between you two further down the line.

TurquoiseDragon · 20/05/2022 20:48

orwellwasright · 20/05/2022 16:41

Extreme jealousy is a massive red flag. He's already trying to control you. This will get worse. I think you should split up. Quickly. Will save you a load of grief down the line.

This. I got out of an abusive relationship, and would never now tolerate anyone trying to dictate who I speak with.

slashlover · 20/05/2022 21:00

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Yup, a woman is perfectly fine with her DH chatting to another woman and she's a "cool wife".

vrrnbb · 20/05/2022 21:17

slashlover · 20/05/2022 21:00

Yup, a woman is perfectly fine with her DH chatting to another woman and she's a "cool wife".

Show quote history

Well it's more of his reasoning why he doesn't want her to chat with the other man. She hasn't proven to be disloyal, and actually tells her partner what exactly is being discussed. If her word is not enough for him to trust her, then there is no relationship.

It doesn't matter the genders in this case, in my opinion it would be the same conclusion if it were reversed.

Clarinet1 · 20/05/2022 21:17

Point out to your DH that his unreasonable, controlling behaviour would be precisely the kind of thing that might actually drive you into the arms of nice, understanding playground dad!

SuperTiredAgain · 20/05/2022 21:22

Well I speak to loads of mums and dads at the school gates. I'm most certainly not planning on sex with them all!! 🤣🤣🤣

Your partner has a few screws loose 🤣

vrrnbb · 20/05/2022 21:29

Clarinet1 · 20/05/2022 21:17

Point out to your DH that his unreasonable, controlling behaviour would be precisely the kind of thing that might actually drive you into the arms of nice, understanding playground dad!

Yup! And I'm thinking he knows this thus being insecure and jealous.

He probably doesn't feel like he is living up to the "gold" standard of how a parent of an autistic child should be. And might be jealous about how you have things in common with the man. I wouldn't stop talking to the other parent just to appease the partner, but maybe try to express how much you do appreciate your partner as well (assuming he's doing fine otherwise?)

If he's always gets jealous however whenever you talk to any other man, that is just too much and he has issues.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 20/05/2022 21:32

You know what to do

Original poster
PinkBump2022 · 20/05/2022 22:37

@SuperTiredAgain it’s strange you say this as I have a female friend and often stand chatting to her for an hour outside the school gates after they lock them at 9:15am and he doesn’t Give two hoots about that but i chat to this dad for 5-7 mins at a time and something must be going on! Apparently he thinks this man is a flirt he sees him at work watching girls and chatting about them. I said that’s all well and good but this isn’t about that it’s about our children who are almost the same age and have the same issues and going to be attending the same school even getting the same transport there! He has calmed down after a chat and decided it’s now ok as I said no I won’t stop talking to him he’s done nothing wrong to offend me in anyways I can’t just not speak to someone because you said

OP posts:
vrrnbb · 20/05/2022 22:47

PinkBump2022 · 20/05/2022 22:37

@SuperTiredAgain it’s strange you say this as I have a female friend and often stand chatting to her for an hour outside the school gates after they lock them at 9:15am and he doesn’t Give two hoots about that but i chat to this dad for 5-7 mins at a time and something must be going on! Apparently he thinks this man is a flirt he sees him at work watching girls and chatting about them. I said that’s all well and good but this isn’t about that it’s about our children who are almost the same age and have the same issues and going to be attending the same school even getting the same transport there! He has calmed down after a chat and decided it’s now ok as I said no I won’t stop talking to him he’s done nothing wrong to offend me in anyways I can’t just not speak to someone because you said

So his issue is just with this one person? Sounds like your partner is making judgements about him, but doesn't really know him all too well. Maybe one day he can get over it, I wouldn't be surprised if they end up have a lot more in common. But I wouldn't push a friendship between them either. Just stay polite to the man, and keep assuring your partner he has nothing to worry about. It'll blow over.

Original poster
PinkBump2022 · 21/05/2022 18:19

Terrible mistake!!! Went out tonight to my sons football presentation and who was there!! The man front the school!! Happy days right? He and my partner work together why would there be an issue?? So he spoke to my partner asking how he was, I was at the toilet but we had both seen he was there. I came back to the toilet and sat down, this man touched me on the shoulder and rubbed my shoulder. I turn around he starts a big long chat with me and DP!!! He leaves and DP kicks off I’m having an affair and wants to punch him : I ask well why didn’t you while he was there! Why wait until he’s gone and kick off now!? We left early and he goes on and on and on and on and on he’s leaving unless I never speak to this man. Told him to go F himself! I’m not ignoring people because he thinks one day we may cheat!!

my head is battered! Now he’s packing his stuff!

is this for the best?!?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/05/2022 18:31

I still agree you can talk to whoever you like and your partner is a dick for chatting politely to the bloke then giving you a hard time

….but why was he “rubbing your shoulder” ??

Original poster
PinkBump2022 · 21/05/2022 19:00

It was very crowded and busy and loud. I do think he rubbed my shoulder to get my attention as if he had said my name (which he doesn’t know) then I would not have heard him

OP posts:
SamMil · 21/05/2022 19:05

Yes, I think it's for the best! Your husband is extremely controlling and obviously doesn't trust you.

Even if he knows something awful about this man, it is up to you whether you then decide you want to blank him or not... which would be pretty strange behaviour to another parent!

girlmom21 · 21/05/2022 19:10

Let him go.
Acting like the big man having a go at you. "I wanted to punch him" but I bet he sat there like a tit being nice and polite, didn't he?

Original poster
PinkBump2022 · 21/05/2022 20:18

yes He sat there like the biggest tit and did nothing about it!!

OP posts:
lassof · 22/05/2022 07:16

PinkBump2022 · 21/05/2022 18:19

Terrible mistake!!! Went out tonight to my sons football presentation and who was there!! The man front the school!! Happy days right? He and my partner work together why would there be an issue?? So he spoke to my partner asking how he was, I was at the toilet but we had both seen he was there. I came back to the toilet and sat down, this man touched me on the shoulder and rubbed my shoulder. I turn around he starts a big long chat with me and DP!!! He leaves and DP kicks off I’m having an affair and wants to punch him : I ask well why didn’t you while he was there! Why wait until he’s gone and kick off now!? We left early and he goes on and on and on and on and on he’s leaving unless I never speak to this man. Told him to go F himself! I’m not ignoring people because he thinks one day we may cheat!!

my head is battered! Now he’s packing his stuff!

is this for the best?!?

Still think my bet of 'projection' is right. Did he leave? Where did he go? Manufactured arguments with deliberate storming out (to go where??) are another sign.

Original poster
PinkBump2022 · 22/05/2022 07:45

To his parents house. I feel much better without him but no doubt today he will want to come crawling back!

OP posts:
pointythings · 22/05/2022 08:20

I wouldn't have him back, but if you do it needs to be on the condition that he takes steps to deal with his pathetic jealousy and that if he ever behaves like this again, you're over.

misskatamari · 22/05/2022 09:26

Ugh don't let him back. Absolutely batshit behaviour on his part!

Norgie · 22/05/2022 09:30

You allow a man to dictate to you?
Are you in 2022 or 1810?

Original poster
PinkBump2022 · 23/05/2022 09:36

He’s still far away. I feel free! I can do as I like and chat to who I like without being accused of having affairs with married men in the school yard

OP posts: