DP uses annual leave whenever I take the kids away

[letmeeatcrisps]

I am a SAHM who moved to his country. I have no friends, car, or job out there. No support except his mum who pops by once a week and takes my 2yo out for a couple of hours. I also have a 4 month old.
the only time I get a break to do things like see my friends, work on projects or do life admin, is by flying back to England and my mum looks after the kids. Every time I do this he uses a couple of days of annual leave, so he can have more time to himself

he Works 3 days a week. I have not even dreamed of having more than 3 hours to myself since having kids

I feel like he is mugging me off and should use his holidays to spend time with his family, am I being unreasonable?

thanks x

OP you need to see a lawyer ASAP, before you announce anything to your bf about not coming back. This could absolutely be considered kidnapping especially if the kids are dual citizens and if they were born in their father’s home country. If he doesn’t take any action then it will all be fine, but if he objects to you unilaterally deciding to move the kids to the UK then he could take you to court and it could go very badly for you. This kind of dispute about where children of international relationships should live is covered by the Hague convention.

But she's just said they are all British citizens.

I would see a solicitor ASAP and if they agree I would stay put here.

In the space you started this thread yesterday afternoon to your recent post which ostensibly is from the UK you've decided to move your kids without anything but the clothes on your backs and hope for the best because you're all UK citizens. Ok.

Could you try and spin out your holiday back in the U.K. by saying you’re going to learn to drive over here? Then use this time to learn and to get legal advice.

You urgently need to know your rights 100%. You could be very vulnerable doing this. Idk where you live. In some countries, the courts could order the children to be returned and prevent you from entering, especially if you’re not married. You’d then be estranged from your children.

if you read the thread carefully you can see that everyone jumped to conclusions about where I live - the U.K. consists of 4 countries and I have to fly between my home country and the one in which my children were born

I’m not making any big legal declarations or anything yet, I’m safe with my kids at my mums house, their dad is a selfish abusive shithead and I want to end the relationship.

I started The thread to ask about partners taking holidays and how other families manage it, because I am curious to know exactly how much I have been mugged off all these years - what does a healthy partnership look like. My parents didn’t have one so how am I supposed to know what’s bad behaviour or not
i will say I had gut feelings from the beginning bout my partner being abusive but some silly part of me didn’t want to believe it, now here we are
anyone reading this who’s unsure whether to leave - just go, b4 u have kids

ps I love my kids and so do not entirely regret the relationship but I refuse to have them damaged by his poor coping skills

also some ppl change details when they post on mumsnet because they don’t want to be outed. The entire collapse of my relationship is all over mumsnet on various threads I’ve started when I desperately needed help. Part of me hopes he reads it all one day (so he can see the many many dissenting opinions) but part of me is terrified that he will flip out at me exposing our private business .. shrug shrug shrug

anyway. Thanks and bye

I wish you all the best in finding peace and security for yourself and your children. I suspect in this case the AL is part of a bigger picture of an unhealthy marriage.

Hey OP, the kidnapping thing and Hague convention stuff I mentioned upthread applies to international borders. Although the UK is made up of 4 different countries it’s not quite the same. I’m not a lawyer but a move within the UK from for example Scotland to Northern Ireland is not going to be treated the same as a move between Germany and the UK or Australia and the UK. Some legal advice is probably still a good idea to find out where you stand though.

The Hague convention was signed by the UK rather than the individual countries that make up the UK if that makes sense.

Speak to a solicitor OP. Good luck x