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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are wedding anniversaries personal?

55 replies

DuchyCazalet · 20/05/2022 09:44

Do you acknowledge anyone else's wedding anniversary? Would you note the date of the wedding anniversary of your son/daughter and send them a message to wish them a happy anniversary?
MIL always sends us a message on our anniversary but my parents never acknowledge it.

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 20/05/2022 09:45

In my family we know when they are but only mark big ones 25, 40, 50 and 60

Honaloulou · 20/05/2022 09:46

My mum sometimes acknowledges ours, sometimes doesn’t. MIL never does.

I think that’s fine (and I’ve never remembered either of theirs). Unless the couple is organising a party for a big anniversary, I wouldn’t expect anyone else to remember.

CornishPorsche · 20/05/2022 09:47

I think it's weird that other people acknowledge our wedding anniversary, except one mate who still pipes up saying "Best. Wedding. Ever" because he was happily drunk in bed at 9pm with a pizza 😂

I don't acknowledge other people's unless I was there and then only a comments on Facebook if they put something up tbh. Or if it's a huge one like a Diamond anniversary.

Ednafrommooneyponds · 20/05/2022 09:47

We've not long had our first anniversary. Both sets of parents sent cards but then both DM and DMIL send cards for just about every occasion! We've sent parents/grandparents cards for the significant ones but other years I would probably text my mum and I don't think DH remembers when his parent's is.

ShirleyPhallus · 20/05/2022 09:48

MIL sends cards for absolutely everything but parents send cards for nothibg

both approaches are fine. I wouldn’t remember anyone else’s wedding anniversary mind

Theforest · 20/05/2022 09:48

My mum sends a card and some money for meal out/offer babysit. MIL ignores it.

AuntieStella · 20/05/2022 09:48

I don't really expect it.

Maybe 1st, but nothing really before 25th (which is a nice one to celebrate, but the couple will need to remind people, ideally by hosting a party)

toastofthetown · 20/05/2022 09:50

Depends on the family. In my family they are personal. I acknowledged my sibling’s first anniversary but probably won’t again until the next milestone one. My parents always got cards from grandparents, but nothing from us children and it was never encouraged. They also get a card from my aunt, but she loves making cards so sends one at any opportunity.

Ednafrommooneyponds · 20/05/2022 09:50

Should add, none of our friends (bar one who again sends cards for every occasion) made any kind of acknowledgement. I wouldn't have expected them to either. I think it is a personal thing.

Shoxfordian · 20/05/2022 09:50

My parents and in-laws send us anniversary cards; not really anyone else. I send one to my parents - the best one I found said to my dad and his wife - they’ve been married 40 years and his wife is my mum 😁

Original poster
DuchyCazalet · 20/05/2022 09:54

I wouldn't expect friends/the bridal party to remember it. I don't remember theirs. But I think that if my offspring get married I'll make a note of the date and send a message.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 20/05/2022 09:58

I think it's personal, I don't celebrate other's anniversaries unless they are big ones. I imagine if my children marry I will send them cards, but not friends or family.

DH and I don't make a big deal of our own anniversary!

yikesanotherbooboo · 20/05/2022 09:59

I think that mil and DM used to at first but not for many many years now.I used to remember my parents anniversary when I lived at home but my DC would have no idea...and that is fine.

Alconleigh · 20/05/2022 10:00

I don't acknowledge them at all, I think they are personal to the couple. My sister sends a card to my parents and vice versa though so some in our family do.

JustSmallFry · 20/05/2022 10:01

I do for my parents and siblings - and for friends if it's a significant one

FieldOverFence · 20/05/2022 10:03

My mother would remember it, and send a message....my in-laws don't

To be honest I often forget my own anniversary, so i don't cast stones at anyone else :))

Lyricallie · 20/05/2022 10:03

I think it's personal. I could never remember my mum's and step dads I know the vague month it's in. I wouldn't expect anything from my parents/PiL. Although MiL does seem to send a card for everything. We have our first anniversary this year so I guess watch this space.

Sceptre86 · 20/05/2022 10:04

My parents and in laws mentioned ours on our first and sent little gifts, eg. a framed photo of us. Will be 8 years this year and they forget now unless I mention it in conversation as we usually go away for the weekend or out to dinner. Not a big deal either way.

Original poster
DuchyCazalet · 20/05/2022 10:09

Yeah, I'm AIBU. Think that I'm sensitive as my DM isn't very nice to my DH so this just reinforces it. I'm also the only one of her offspring who didn't get divorced so almost feels like my marriage can't be celebrated. She's also not a very sentimental person and probably doesn't do much for her own anniversary

OP posts:
SkankingWombat · 20/05/2022 10:10

I would think it normal for parents to send a card to their DC and spouse for their 1st anniversary. If they are the kind of person with a good memory for dates (I'm not), then verbally wishing happy anniversary as part of a normal call or via text etc wouldn't be weird. I would expect cards for a big anniversary if a party was thrown to mark the event. I wouldn't expect anything past that TBH.

oioimatey · 20/05/2022 10:13

I acknowledge my sisters' and my closest friends' anniversaries, but not every year. Just when I remember it :)

JenniferBarkley · 20/05/2022 10:13

Huge variation I think. My mum sends us a card, and sends one to my cousins on their wedding anniversaries too. There is no telling her that that's OTT and we're not offended if aunties forget and don't send us one Grin

My PIL sometimes send a card, sometimes give us a present, sometimes forget entirely. Doesn't matter.

In a healthy relationship where all is otherwise well it's not something I could get worked up about - is there a bigger picture here?

JenniferBarkley · 20/05/2022 10:14

Ah cross post OP, I can understand that being annoying. But I wouldn't get caught up in the anniversary itself.

SaltandPepper22 · 20/05/2022 10:26

Every year my mum reminds me “it’s [db name] and [dsil name] wedding anniversary next week/tomorrow etc. as if she expects me to send them a card/gift. I never have as I don’t think it’s for me necessarily to celebrate with them - it’s THEIR wedding anniversary.

I can only assume though as my mum does this that she must send them a card or gift every year.

I would send a card or gift for a milestone anniversary eg. Silver/Gold etc. but it would never cross my mind to send a “congratulations on 7 years married” card.

ferneytorro · 20/05/2022 10:30

No, neither set of parents has ever sent a card. I remember once getting bollocked by my dad as a teenager for not buying “your mother” an anniversary card. Irony being they bloody hated each other ! Self reflection was never their string point. I never send ones to friends but I struggle to remember the date of mine let alone anyone else’s !