To consider moving schools as I don't like dd friends?

[U23rn4m3]

My dd is friends with some girls. They are all aged 10. I've recently found out these girls are on tik tok and instagram and have learnt about very mature things. They have been discussing these things with my dd and have made her feel uncomfortable. I have spoken to all the friends parents who basically think it's funny and not that bothered.
I'm considering moving dd to a different school over this.

Am I being over dramatic? Or is there another way I should be dealing with this?

Problem is there are kids like that every where. Even if you move her you'll most likely find the same issue there too.

Tricky

What makes you think this is a rare issue and not happening across schools worldwide though?

better if she learns to deal with these things maybe?

if it’s porn/sexual content do address it with the school as safeguarding issue

You are just as likely to encounter that at another school. If you're otherwise happy with the school, then now is the time to begin your navigation of the tween/teen years.

They’ll be the same everywhere. Can you educate the parents on what the girls are being exposed to? I can’t understand why parents give such young children unsupervised access to the internet 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think it should be classed as neglect - neglecting to ensure they aren’t coming into harm online.

You do sound rather dramatic imo.

What do you mean by 'mature' things?

At 10, your DD should be allowed freedom to choose her friends.

Well, if you can find a school where
a) none of the other pupils have older siblings, and
b) aren't ever online unsupervised
then a move might insulate your DD from 'very mature' content.

Or you can look at the findings about the typical age where DC start viewing adult content and realise you're at the closing of the window when you can get in pre-emptively.

So, unicorn or education on cyber safety?

I know which I think will be more useful to have solidly in place before transfer to secondary school

Moving school might not change anything plus you have High School soon which changes everything.
You have to teach your kids how to deal with their peers. Limit her exposure if you think she's too young, no 10 year old should have tiktok accounts or unlimited access to the internet.
After school, keep her busy with clubs so she mixes with a wider group of people.
Does she have a phone? Lock it down and check it regularly.
You can't insulate her from this but you can guide her and have strong boundaries.

OP you can't control the outside world, you can only educate your child.
Moving would be an extreme over reaction and wouldn't achieve your aim

It won’t be long until your DD moves onto senior school, then friendship groups often change. Personally, I wouldn’t move schools at this late stage, but if you have concerns about the content of what your DD has been exposed too that is a matter for the school safeguarding. Why are these kids allowed mobiles during the day school, my DS’ weren’t allowed this at senior school, blanket ban during school day, as sm was making the student less social 😂.

Yes, what's 'mature'?

My DD's friend's mum recoiled when I mentioned I had bought DD a book about puberty aged 8 or 9. Her darling was 'too innocent to hear such things'. As it it was some kind of shameful secret. DD started her periods at 10 (I was 9). DD was, and is, so much more child-like than her daughter. I'm still annoyed at the bloody idiot when I remember. Way to make a girl feel embarrassed about perfectly natural biological functions. Are you one of those?

But I agree that you'll encounter the same in all schools.

I was also thinking of moving schools because the parents of these children couldn't care less what their children are doing. Also I've spoken to the school and not had anything back as of yet. Neither of them have older siblings.

Op there are kids like this in every school different parents have different boundaries. Plus prepare yourself for high school where the majority go from your little girl to a tween in a matter of weeks, can speak 20000 words and tell 20 different stories in 2 minutes and are on said tik tok accounts looking how many likes and followers you can get. My advice to you would be to prepare yourself for that and talk to your daughter about friendships, online safety and keeping her resilience up.

What makes you think there will be no such parents elsewhere?

Or that all potential new friends at the hypothetical new school will have no older siblings?

You can't teach every child, but you can educate to protect your own DC.

Are they likely to meet up at high school again ?
Personally I’d leave her there if she wants to stay.

We are moving to a new area and putting eldest DD from a tiny village school to hopefully a bigger school. I know there will be more problems at the school in other ways but the ares is great fir extra curricular options so we will be able to encourage a diverse group of friends. As PP suggested, a new after school programme would be better than a big move. You can help.DD navigate all this social stuff. Good luck OP

I suspect the culture will be the same.Would you really bother to unsettle her for one year, just in case things may differ? Unfortunately dc of 10 and younger now have phones, ready internet access, Netflix etc. up to you to help your dd navigate it safely and give perspective. Does the school have a policy on phones and social media, maybe tackle it from that angle?

would Help to know what she’s being exposed to? Is it so extreme that it’s unlikely she will encounter it at another school.
unfortunately we don’t have Enid Blyton primary schools In this country

If you’re the kind of parents that talks in hushed riddles about “very mature things” then your child might need all the help she can get in learning what she needs to know.
What are you talking about?

If you move her schools, how does that stop her meeting similar friends and/or staying in touch with these girls? Who’ll resurface at secondary anyway (I’m guessing your 10yo is Y5/P6).

Another way? Talk to your child.
At 10, my child knew why I had rules around social media. You’ll squirm at this, but at 12/13 we had some pretty explicit conversations about sex, assault, predatory behaviour, grooming, rape, pornography, drugs… all in the name of keeping her safe.

Unless you're prepared to start a school and vet every child who joins it, you can't control who your daughter will meet in school. or in life afterwards. It's our job to give them clear boundaries and explain why they are in place, how they benefit our children and what effects crossing those boundaries can bring.

For those wondering, the mature things being discussed were sex, rape, sexual assault and prostitution . That's just what dd has told me. She was very upset as we have not discussed this. I didn't think it would be necessary to talk to a 10 year old about prostitution. Maybe that's just me.

Are you going to keep moving her all the time then ? Soon she will be at secondary school You can't protect her from these things it's society today as sad as it is

I think you need to up your game in your discussions with your child. If you don't want her getting incorrect information from her peer group then you need to be the one to talk about these issues.

A lot of girls are sexually active at 13/14/15 even at the best of schools.

Sorry I think you are sticking your head in the sand and she'll be the one that suffers.

All of the above are a reality of life

What does your Dd want to do? Personally I’d be interested in what the school has to offer the kids. Potentially could open up some valuable school work around relationships and boundaries and keeping safe and social media and legislation. Sharing sexual materials with a minor can be an offence even if committed by a child of 10. Help your DD build new friendships at school. Are there children outside of that friendship groups who she could link up with? Children with more interesting interests and hobbies?

I think you can move your daughter but it would be better to give her the tools to cope than to hide her away. Have those tough conversations so she is informed and wont be swayed and be pleased she is talking to you for support rather than assuming her friends are right.