Having a 3rd child pros and cons

[RibNSaucyArseCrack]

Won’t be for a while yet as number 2 is only 6 months old!

Husband and I were talking about what to do with his stuff. Do we sell it or keep, then obviously this led to the discussion on do we have another? We’ve made a little list of pros and cons, I was wondering if people could add to our list with their own pros and cons. Obviously it’s our decision at the end of the day, but we are curious to see what others thoughts were when deciding on their own 3rd and if there’s any big considerations that haven’t occurred to us!

pros:
We love being parents
We love the idea of having a larger family to visit us when we’re old (twee images of all our children sat round the table with their children 🥲)
We can afford another one
Im not sure I’m quite ready to accept not having a newborn ever again.

Cons:
I SUCK at being pregnant. So so so sick with the last 2, both delivered at 37 weeks.
i don’t really want any after I turn 30, which gives me 2 years and I don’t want one that soon.
Out eldest is 8 this year so in around 4 years time, which is when we would look at having another one, we feel it may be too disruptive for her and the age gap too big for them to bond well.
We would need to buy a bigger car.
Husband will be 40, and not sure if he wants to be an older dad.
Having to “start again” with the whole baby thing and sacrificing our evenings etc.

Thankyou for taking the time to read.

What type of holidays do you like? Lots of places are geared to groups of 4. Also, someone is always the odd one out on rides. Do you have enough time to give to them all emotionally?

We have a big family holiday most years and then one with just my husband and I. Family holidays would be fine with another one. Emotionally, this is why I want the bigger age gap. If the older 2 are at school when baby is born I’ll feel a lot less guilty trying to split time between them all.

We're having the same debate. Out of interest, what makes you think you can afford it? I'm sure you can but I worry we might find it a bit tight even though we're relatively well off so am interested to hear how other people manage.

We are comfortable on just the one wage atm (we also own property that we rent out for extra income). I’m going back to work end of this year so with double our income we can easily afford another child :)

Cons
You only have 2 hands.
2 parents can divide and conquer with 2 but not 3.
You'd have to read the Biff, Chip and Kipper books a third time.

We have 3 with 2 years between each of them. We had to swap one of the cars to fit the third full size car seat in so obviously we could have spent that money on something else if we only had 2 DC but we don’t have fancy cars/ car loans etc

we mostly go on camping holidays but would even if there was only 2 of them, his bedroom is really small so we are thinking how we can pay to extend it when he outgrows (as he’s going to be tall !)

they all scrap and argue but when it comes down to it they all massively stick up for each other and would be there for each other if needed (hopefully this doesn’t change as they get older)

he never stops talking, you wouldn’t want to make him angry 😆, he’s so funny, there was somebody missing before he turned up

I’ve never read biff and chip books so maybe it’s my turn 🤣

They take an awful lot of time, emotional energy & money as they get older. I love my 3 but at 14, 11 and 7, the days of babies & toddler groups feel like a doddle.

To be totally blunt I don’t think your pro reasons outweigh the cons

you can’t have children with any expectations about their adult behaviour (perhaps you’re being tongue in cheek but I think that’s a weak reason).

the age gap thing is a good point - and maybe once you’re past the potty training stage for your second you might be glad to not go back to the newborn stage again?

Yes I am worried about the teenage years! (Especially if they’re anything like me)

I need to be sure it’s not just my broodiness for a newborn that clouding my judgement.

We have a 9 month old and I’ve been through this recently too.

Yes I really empathise with this. We’ve been trying to make the same decision. If I think about having a new baby I desperately want another one. But I keep asking myself, do I want to go through the toddler years again - with two other children on the scene? Do I want three teenagers one day?

In my case I think I just want another baby - or rather I’m sad about never having a baby again. But I don’t think I actually want a third child.

Personally the environmental impact is a big one for me. The world is overpopulated and that is increasing exponentially. Having 2 kids essentially replaces you and your partner. Having 3 adds to the overpopulation issue.

You likely have time to think it over. I know you want your last by 30, but if you really want another, having another at, say, 31 - 32 isn't a terrible option.

I wouldn't want three but your pro list outweighs your cons. Pregnancy is a temporary blip, buy a bigger car, that ones easy. Your dh is not too old at 40 imo. The only genuine downside would be the age gap between your eldest and youngest. It would be hard to find activities which would appeal to a pre teen and a toddler. But it's not the end of the world.

I'm the opposite. I would happily have another kid if they came to me aged 2. I don't want to do the baby stuff again! ( And no, I don't want to adopt / foster at this stage ).

Odd numbers in my opinion do not work so well parents pair up two siblings pair ie for busses 2x2 seat, fair ground rides pedoloes in fact every thing is geared up for 2 or 4 I was the odd one out always on the side line.

Con: much harder to regain your freedom, relatively easy to send partner off with two kids for an activity or to leave them at home with two to feed bath and put to bed whilst I go out/ go gym etc
driving a car big enough to accommodate everyone
extra curricular activities will be cut down to accommodate 3 wants

pros- sorry the only pro I see is having a big family once old, and tbh they could all bugger off to Australia anyway

We had a third by mistake. Made us poorer, more stressed, busier, more frantic. But it’s another person who loves us unconditionally and who we love unconditionally. Best mistake ever.

I have 3 and it's fab. You are a young mum by todays standards if you have an 8 year old and are not 30 yet, so whilst you might not want to have kids after 30 do have time before it's likely to get harder to conceive. I'd stick the clothes in the loft and have a rethink in a year or so.

I have 3, dd1 is 6, ds is 4 nearly 5 and dd2 is 8 months. Having a small age gap wasn't something I planned and both were crap at sleeping and nearly broke me despite dh doing his fair share of the nights shifts. I wasn't keen on a 3rd for years, till dd1 started asking for a sister and dh was keen. I have a dh who pitches in as much as I do and that makes it easier. Dd2 is pure joy.

Atm I do think it’s the desperation for a newborn rather than another child. It’s definitely something to revisit in a year or two. I bloody love newborns! There was one at our baby group today and I could feel my uterus glowing.

That sounds crazy to me. People talk about 'having a baby', but you don't really have a baby, you have a child who is a baby for a very short time. Have another if you want another child, but if you want something small, cute and a bit helpless, get a pet.

Are your current kids 7 and a baby then?

Expensive so always less money for the other two, less time for each child, bad for the environment, putting yourself at the unnecessary risk of childbirth...as you can tell I think 2 is probably enough.

Yes 7 and 6 months.