Having a 3rd child pros and cons

[RibNSaucyArseCrack]

Won’t be for a while yet as number 2 is only 6 months old!

Husband and I were talking about what to do with his stuff. Do we sell it or keep, then obviously this led to the discussion on do we have another? We’ve made a little list of pros and cons, I was wondering if people could add to our list with their own pros and cons. Obviously it’s our decision at the end of the day, but we are curious to see what others thoughts were when deciding on their own 3rd and if there’s any big considerations that haven’t occurred to us!

pros:
We love being parents
We love the idea of having a larger family to visit us when we’re old (twee images of all our children sat round the table with their children 🥲)
We can afford another one
Im not sure I’m quite ready to accept not having a newborn ever again.

Cons:
I SUCK at being pregnant. So so so sick with the last 2, both delivered at 37 weeks.
i don’t really want any after I turn 30, which gives me 2 years and I don’t want one that soon.
Out eldest is 8 this year so in around 4 years time, which is when we would look at having another one, we feel it may be too disruptive for her and the age gap too big for them to bond well.
We would need to buy a bigger car.
Husband will be 40, and not sure if he wants to be an older dad.
Having to “start again” with the whole baby thing and sacrificing our evenings etc.

Thankyou for taking the time to read.

Both parents are likely to be alive for decades at the same time as their children, so you aren't just replacing the parents by having 2 children. You are adding 2 people to the planet, full stop.
That's not to criticise anyone who has 2 (I have 3 myself!) but it's an argument that doesn't make much sense.

OP I think you need to take a bit of time and stop thinking so much about this issue. You are still young, you have a very small baby, why the rush to decide things now?

We had this dilemma for a while and have settled on no more. DC are currently 3 and 5. I had the same pros as you and really loved the idea of having 3 in the long term (ie as older teenagers/adults) but really found the sleep deprivation hell with DC2. My other issue is I just don't know how I would split my time if I had a 3rd. I have time for each child right now and we get time together as a family

While money is no issue on a day to day basis for 3, we are not so well off that we could afford a nanny to help. DB has one who is same age as DC2, when they are all together, one of them is always left out and this makes me question the dynamics with 3 and if it works well or not.

I have my moments and certainly am broody when I see a newborn (even more so as there is 20 months between my 2 and I just survived DC2's early days, no enjoyment at all so would love to enjoy a newborn) but I am also very happy with my decision to stop.

I think you can love being parents to one, two or whatever number of children you have. It doesn't necessarily mean you should have more children, it might be telling you that you are happy with your current lot.

It is good you can afford three.

I have two- ages 4 and 7. I badly wanted a third for a long time, but have recently come to the decision to stop at two. My reasons include: having lots of one on one time with each of them and our two kids get along well. Having a third wouldn't necessarily make me happier. It might. But it definitely would mean more washing, possibly more work (for me), more cleaning up and none of these things make me happy.

I had my first baby at 33 and my husband was 41. We plan to have our second next year and we are hoping to have twins (IVF). I am with you on the pregnancy being hard. I also found it really difficult but it’s only temporary and at the end of the day you will know what is right for you.

I would just box up this question for a while as you have a new born at the moment and I have been told to never think of more kids during the new born phase. The health visitor said that people get broody for more around the time their baby is 1.5 years.

i don’t really want any after I turn 30, which gives me 2 years and I don’t want one that soon.

This is kind of your answer, isn't it?
I also suck at being pregnant. My third pregnancy was far and away my hardest (this was quite a common experience in my group of friends). I would have loved a 4th but there's no way I'd put myself or my family through that again.

I think it’s likely we will stick at two. It I do feel very sad about it. I’m guessing that’s normal though?

I have 3 DCs and have brought them up in my own as DH and I split when baby was less than 1.

The jump from 2 DCs to 3 DCs is massive. It's not just practical issues it is dynamics and noise

But you are asking the wrong questions with pros and cons list. The better question is "do you feel done? " does your family feel complete? All of that overrides everything else

I would not be without my youngest DD. She is amazing and the world is better for her being in it. Her siblings adore her (although "not all the time"!)

Anyway the deciding factor for meWas that I knew I wasn't done, it physically hurt me I was so broody and our family didn't feel complete! I had my last DD at nearly 37.
As soon as she came along I knew I was done. Much as I love newborns and young children i felt whole. My ex H who wanted each child when I got pregnant said that's one too many each time after they were born (!!) but still went onto have 2 more with his second wife. He ignores his first 3 now, since they youngest was 5.

(Since my youngest was 5 I meant, his second family children were born long after that when youngest was 11)

I think it is normal, yeah. Plus sometimes broodiness doesn’t stop, so you could have a third and still be broody. I think 2 is great.

Looking forward, and if they all go to uni (they might not), but if they do, you will potentially have 12 years of non-stop subsidising. Start saving!

I'm preying my secondary infertility is alive and kicking after a mistake the other night. I don't think I could cope with a third! Eeeek

Raging Broodiness does stop, at least that's my experience! After number 3

I have 2 siblings and vowed I would never ever have 3 children. 2 is a good number plus with overpopulation is more than enough.

You say you can afford 3 but what if everything (food, fuel, electric etc) keep going up and up? So many couples have 3, 4 or whatever children because they can afford them and then things change and they no longer can. Don't forget benefits are only paid for 2 children now

I like your comment a lot especially the part about how a 3rd may or may not name you happier but the extra stress and work of a 3rd would be a definite downside. Good perspective. I think being undecided is a sign it's not the right choice. Even after a horrific 1st birth, awful sleep deprivation for months and months and then two miscarriages and more assisted conception when trying for a 2nd, I knew I absolutely wanted another child and was willing to try as much as possible. When I considered a 3rd I was so broody (and for me, at around 40, age was definitely a factor in the yearning) but I was also so undecided and the risks and downsides of going for one more were much more at the fore of my mind. In the end, I decided that if I wasn't sure I shouldn't go for a 3rd. No regrets so far.

Also, much as I love having more than one, and they're great mates a lot of the time, I find the dynamics hard to manage and the squabbles and noise quite hard work.

Thankyou everyone

i think it’s likely we will stick with two, I just wanted to mull over some things I hadn’t considered before and this thread had been great :)