Weird contact

[Happyclapper18]

AIBU to think that it's weird for a mother to call her son every day? Son is 25 and has left home, lives with GF. Mom is divorced but still has DD 19 Yrs old at home.

How long is the call?

It wouldn't be normal in my family, but I guess it's a case of whatever works for the two people involved, ie the son and mother. It's not really your business, or your partner's business, how often his ex wife and his 25-year-old son speak.

The son is a grown man and the mother is not your ex's wife any more so she doesn't need him to approve. It is his DDs' choice to 'defer' to their brother and not your partner (although why the hell are they having to 'defer' to anyone if they're grown women, wtf?), and again, not really your business. Basically you don't get to decide the relationship that your partner's ex has with her children, or indeed the relationship that the children have with your partner, and you shouldn't be interfering or stirring.

It depends really. I never call my parents, but text my mum every day, plus we have a family group chat.

I think a quick phone call every day is fine. Hours on the phone every day, not so much.

Not weird at all. I speak to my dad every day and I'm 34 with a child.

I would be so sad if my DS didn't talk to me often when he grows up

If the 2 DD’s rely on their brother more than their father and have more respect for his opinions that is entirely your husbands fault. If he’s ‘allowed himself to be pushed out’ that’s on him. No one else. Sounds like he’s a Disney dad.

So you’re a bitter second wife?

Your husband’s children would rather speak to their brother than to him, and because of that you’re bitter that they also speak to their mother?

Your thinking is all wrong. What you actually mean is that the relationship between your husband and his kids isn’t great since he split from his ex and you/him think you should blame the ex for that.

Maybe they split because he was a shit father?

Yes it's fucking weird.

So why doesn't your partner phone his son then?

This is not your problem and you have no control over it whatsoever.
You’re angry that your partner’s kids and ex wife don’t value his opinion and rely on each other instead? Why? Do you feel that they are ignoring your husband and they owe him more respect? That’s not how respect works. Are you worried that too much pressure is being put on your SS by his mum and sisters? Unfortunately only your SS can solve that one by limiting how much time and effort he puts into helping his family members.
Either way you’re wasting your time worrying about this. It’s totally beyond your control and largely beyond your partner’s control too. All you can do is be supportive to your SS if he’s coming to you or your partner with family problems he wants help or advice for.

I speak to my mum everyday and find it very normal

No, and the sons an adult. If he wanted to talk to his father he would and if ge didn’t want to speak to his mother he wouldn’t.

Yeah, it's a bit excessive but you often get the Norman Bates style relationships with mums and sons.

Only ok if they don't get annoyed/angry when calls are missed or the son is too busy on certain days. If it's an easy breezy just checking in, and both parties are happy, fine.

To us, at the time, it seemed ridiculously over-earnest, American, sappy - words of that ilk. You know the new agey characters in movies who get given out-there comments to make, to general ridicule? We considered it akin to that, as it was just so outside the realm of how anyone else in RL behaved (again, to us, at that time and in that place - overseas).

It may be obvious but we were not a particularly loving family - we bonded by laughing at others, if at all...

I have my own children now and do throw in a 'love you' here and there, generally at bedtime, maybe once or twice a week. It's not said often but at least it's said, which is progress. It would be nice if they said it back but I think they'd rather show love by farting hugely and running off (alas) 😂

Really isn't any of your business tbh. Sounds like you're getting jealous because your partner isn't "defered to".

It's the norm where I live for families to speak or even see each other daily.

Not your place to even mention it.

My ds is 20, moved into his home at 18, and we are in contact daily.

My dcs dad's gf would probably say he was great etc and that I've made my ds 'head of the family' too. The fact is that my ds is the one who has always been there for my younger dc so they naturally call him and not their dad when they need advice or whatever.

Wow, that is so aggressive AlternativeProspect
Sorry to disappoint you as I get the vibe that you've had a bad experience but you are wrong on all counts. I'm not inclined to explain why as you don't seem a very nice person so well leave it there
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*"I tell everyone in my family including dd, ds that I love them everyday. Why is that laughable?"

It's not laughable, but I do think it loses all meaning if you're constantly saying it, like when people end every phone call with "love you", it ends up just being a meaningless pleasantry.*

This is very difficult to generalise and entirely depends on one's own culture, experiences and interpretations. I say it everyday and I really mean every word, every time and feel this is right for us to do. I do understand others may feel differently, but the laughable aspect I don't understand.

I think every day might be too much. However I some friends that do talk to their parents every day so I guess it depends on the person. I loved my DM to pieces but I don't think I'd talk to her every day, maybe every other day.