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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird contact

71 replies

Happyclapper18 · 17/05/2022 21:15

AIBU to think that it's weird for a mother to call her son every day? Son is 25 and has left home, lives with GF. Mom is divorced but still has DD 19 Yrs old at home.

OP posts:
MyneighbourisTotoro · 17/05/2022 22:11

I’m 32 I speak to my mum everyday and I see both parents a couple times a week

decentchap · 17/05/2022 22:18

I used to speak to my parents rarely - they wanted more contact but I said I would get in touch somehow if things were going wrong. Its too binding to call everyday - I would say its entanglement. Dont expect my kids to ring daily.

familyissues12345 · 17/05/2022 22:24

I used to ring my mum daily and it got too much. I now call once a week routinely (extra if needed), but we do WhatsApp most days

allboysherebutme · 17/05/2022 22:51

No not at all, I call my sister every day and my elderly aunt and once my sons leave home I will call them too. X

Bahhumbugtoyoutoo · 17/05/2022 22:57

I wouldn’t have anything to say if I was expected to speak to my parents every day! I do have asd though so maybe that is why I can’t imagine what on earth people would talk about

Oinkypig · 17/05/2022 22:59

I speak to my mum everyday and as a family we are in contact via WhatsApp everyday.

I think it’s strange people don’t speak frequently their parents/families (not in situations where there is abuse)

I think the comments about cutting apron strings etc are so so rude. I understand that all families don’t have the level of contact I have with mine but to imply it’s strange or
wrong to speak to whichever family member everyday is so strange, like why would you judge the contact a person has with their family?

8londie · 17/05/2022 23:03

Oinkypig · 17/05/2022 22:59

I speak to my mum everyday and as a family we are in contact via WhatsApp everyday.

I think it’s strange people don’t speak frequently their parents/families (not in situations where there is abuse)

I think the comments about cutting apron strings etc are so so rude. I understand that all families don’t have the level of contact I have with mine but to imply it’s strange or
wrong to speak to whichever family member everyday is so strange, like why would you judge the contact a person has with their family?

You literally just said the opposite is weird😭

Oinkypig · 17/05/2022 23:21

8londie · 17/05/2022 23:03

You literally just said the opposite is weird😭

Show quote history

No, I said I think it’s strange people don’t speak frequently to their families

LicoricePizza · 17/05/2022 23:41

In many ways it’s really nice. V different to my family & peer group at that age. Depends if he feels it’s too much & enmeshed or if it’s mutually supportive & good.

Snowiscold · 18/05/2022 06:35

OP, your second post has little relationship to the opening post - why didn’t you say all that at the start? That’s the issue you’ve got, not the fact that he’s in contact with his mum every day.

knittingaddict · 18/05/2022 07:41

It would definitely be weird in our family, but everyone is different.

knittingaddict · 18/05/2022 07:46

frogswimming · 17/05/2022 21:52

I'm a bit confused who's who. But in general no I don't think it's weird. My dh speaks to his mum every day. Always has. I've always been pleased as he treats her well and this reflects how he treats everyone.

Op is the girlfriend of the ex husband of the mum in her story. So basically criticising her partners ex for being too "needy" or something. Always an agenda.

Merryclaire · 18/05/2022 07:46

I don’t think it’s ‘weird’ but I do think it’s over the top. If MIL called DH every day I would find it very irritating. What have you got to talk about every day? A good chat once a week is plenty.

mycatisannoying · 18/05/2022 08:02

To me, this level of contact would be weird. The word co-dependency springs to mind.

Ponoka7 · 18/05/2022 08:14

Has the Son said directly to you that it's too much, or does he feel that he has to say that because you don't like that your partner isn't the person who his children go to for advice?
In what ways has your partner let himself be pushed out? By not being there when his children need advice etc? That's on him and you need to stop directing your anger at the Mother. My youngest and middle DD speak to me daily, my eldest every couple of days. But it seems to be allowed when the children are female.

Justcallmebebes · 18/05/2022 08:29

I speak to my daughter on the phone several times a day and she lives 10 minutes down the road. Totally normal for us

Kitkatcatflap · 18/05/2022 08:33

It's one of those things where there is no right or wrong answer, everyone is different. Question should be aimed at the son ...... Is it too much for him, if the mother calls him every day.

8londie · 18/05/2022 09:16

Yes I know @Oinkypig I'm saying why are you calling others strange then asking them not to do the same to you lol

agentshreddie · 18/05/2022 09:25

It would have been weird to my family! Mind you we used to laugh together (as a family) at my mum's friend who told her young DD she loved her multiple times a day. So maybe we're the weird ones...

I tell everyone in my family including dd, ds that I love them everyday. Why is that laughable?

AuntieMorag · 18/05/2022 09:27

My husband and I both speak to our mothers every day.

pumpkinpie01 · 18/05/2022 09:31

My son is 24 I speak to him probably once every 7-10 days and text couple of times a week .

kittensinthekitchen · 18/05/2022 09:32

Are both mum and son happy with the level of contact? If so, it's noone else's business, certainly not yours.
If they're not, they need to discuss it, but again, that's not your business.

CheapFoodShits · 18/05/2022 09:44

I'm 37 and speak to my Mum daily and see her every few days. It's not weird, we enjoy talking to each other and being in each other's company.
But I don't think the issue here is how much contact the son has with his mother, rather how little he has with his father. You can't blame the mother for that.

Pinkywoo · 18/05/2022 09:45

I think it's weird, why on earth do you need to talk every single day?!

"I tell everyone in my family including dd, ds that I love them everyday. Why is that laughable?"

It's not laughable, but I do think it loses all meaning if you're constantly saying it, like when people end every phone call with "love you", it ends up just being a meaningless pleasantry.

KalaniM · 18/05/2022 09:46

It’s a great blessing to feel loved and supported and actively engaged with. It’s lovely to hear so many on this thread are close families and openly loving. My mother hates the phone and my father is dead. I talk to my children every day and feel very blessed to able to do so. I honestly can’t picture my mental health positively without the loving daily communication.