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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is my DH offended when I don’t like a movie?

46 replies

Womeninblack · 17/05/2022 10:36

so it’s not even a movie he picked for us. Could be anything we both chose to watch or even a movie I suggested. During or after the film if I say “oh, that was a bit shit wasn’t it?” He gets all defensive and upset.
So, aibu to think my DH should learn to accept the fact that sometimes I will notice and point out plot holes?
But the real reason for my posting this is to ask if anybody else get offended when someone doesn’t like something they had absolutely nothing to do with?

OP posts:
ChickensandCows · 17/05/2022 10:40

I can be a bit like this. Its almost like you're negatively talking about time you've had together. I think that's what hurts even though that's ridiculous. It's something I'm working on!

Lougle · 17/05/2022 10:43

For DH it's that his theory of mind isn't great, so it never occurs to him that I could have a different view on the film to him. That makes it a real shock for him if I think it was bad but he thought it was ok/good.

Tamzo85 · 17/05/2022 10:45

Why are you watching entire movies you don’t enjoy? Can’t you tell sometime into them?

pictish · 17/05/2022 10:48

Is it just movies? Are you negative and hole-picky otherwise?

thistimelastweek · 17/05/2022 10:53

A friend of mine assumes a failure of understanding if I dislike something he likes. He cannot accept that I can understand something just fine and still dislike it.
(He seems to like most everything and has no critical faculties at all.)

Original poster
Womeninblack · 17/05/2022 10:54

@ChickensandCows @Lougle thank you for you input. It’s very interesting
@Tamzo85 that’s not the point of the thread now, is it?
@pictish no I can’t say I am. But maybe sometimes… who knows. I try not to be though.

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 17/05/2022 10:56

I'd get it a bit if it was one of his favourites and he chose it especially, but if it's something random that's come on that's very odd. Is he offended on behalf of the director?

ChickensandCows · 17/05/2022 10:58

Yeah I think that's another reason. Is you're generally glass half empty and he's more positive it can be a bit upsetting to have enjoyed an evening together (in his eyes) and then at the end you say well that was shit - kind of ruins the evening a bit. Try and be more positive generally and then he won't be so bothered about a comment about a film.

Porcupineintherough · 17/05/2022 10:58

Sometimes I can be like this, it's tiresome to spend time in the company of people who just like to moan/criticise/run down. Maybe you do it more than you think?

Original poster
Womeninblack · 17/05/2022 10:58

@thistimelastweek i think my DH can be very much like that.
Recent example was the movie Don’t Breath 2 and I felt the story line was bit weird and could’ve been better.

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 17/05/2022 11:00

my other half KNOWS i find most of his NETFLIX ACTION BANG BANG movies pretty rubbish, But he is happy i am on the sofa with him, even if surfing on my phone.

aSofaNearYou · 17/05/2022 11:02

Porcupineintherough · 17/05/2022 10:58

Sometimes I can be like this, it's tiresome to spend time in the company of people who just like to moan/criticise/run down. Maybe you do it more than you think?

Yeah I would think this. It does take the fun out of watching a movie together if the other person is really negative about it at the end, especially if you enjoyed it.

Obviously you're entitled to not like it but I guess I would just analyse whether this is a bit of a habit.

Original poster
Womeninblack · 17/05/2022 11:04

@SleeplessInEngland that’s how it seems to me. Okay, so most of the movies we watch I like. Its only some that I dont. So it can’t be I’m always criticizing. I would understand if it was though.

OP posts:
Tamzo85 · 17/05/2022 11:05

Womeninblack · 17/05/2022 10:58

@thistimelastweek i think my DH can be very much like that.
Recent example was the movie Don’t Breath 2 and I felt the story line was bit weird and could’ve been better.

It depends how you say it. Not every movie is great, some are ok or have dumb things in them, but so long as they’re not completely unwatchable many are happy to have relaxing time watching anything.

Do you say it in a funny way, or joking around about dumb stuff? Or are you going into a movie critic analysis of everything wrong? Or can you not enjoy anything that has something you don’t think is much good - and rather than being funny about it, you have to po facedly point out everything wrong?

Because the way you describe it sounds like a drag to be around.

StrangeCondition · 17/05/2022 11:06

I hate pretty much everything my DP watches, he's into the big blockbuster action movies and I'm just not, not liking his style of film doesn't make me a negative person. He knows now not to ask me to watch them with him, as I don't ask him to watch the things I watch - doesn't make either of us moany or negative, we like what we like

Original poster
Womeninblack · 17/05/2022 11:07

I’m glad I posted. All these answers so far I very helpful. Thank you.

OP posts:
AntarcticTern · 17/05/2022 11:08

I think if I believed that DH and I had just spent a nice time together watching a good film and then he said "well that was shit" at the end I would feel a bit deflated. It would feel like the shine had been taken off.

blubberyboo · 17/05/2022 11:10

There could be all sorts of several reasons

maybe you come across as negative either about the work of the movie makers , or about your time spent together. So he could be offended on behalf of the artists or for himself

he might be a more positive person and finds negativity uncomfortable or doesn’t know how to deal with your outlook.

does he think he has sat through a nice movie and time together only to find you’ve been mentally picking it apart the whole time and not enjoying it?
maybe he wants you to say if you aren’t enjoying it so something else could be watched

maybe he just doesn’t see the need to critic a movie. Is he happy just watching anything and then moving on as soon as it is over without a discussion?

maybe worse he sees it as a red flag for your relationship in the sense that you don’t enjoy the same things or genre. Maybe that worries him?

I think you should try a period of making positive comments as well as what you don’t like a movie. Eg “I noticed that plot hole but it was a funny movie all the same, and isn’t it nice to spend time together “

then see how he reacts

FourTeaFallOut · 17/05/2022 11:10

I don't mind criticising a movie when it's done but I can't abide a whinge fest about a movie I'm currently enjoying.

TheVanguardSix · 17/05/2022 11:11

It's fine to have an opinion and think a movie is utter shit.
But change the way you say it.
You're sort of unilaterally declaring films as 'shit' and that can get a bit negheady.
My exH was like this. I just stopped watching films with him, which was fine but also a bit sad. I realised that his neghead talk spilled over into so many areas of our lives.
Just make sure that this isn't happening here.
You have one opinion. Your partner has another. Maybe just be a bit mellower when it comes to giving your thoughts on a film. It can feel a bit personal, especially as you've spent 1.5 hours together on the sofa sharing time.

10HailMarys · 17/05/2022 11:12

If occasionally you watch a film and aren't that keen, obviously your DH shouldn't be 'offended'.

But reading between the lines of your post, it doesn't sound like this is just a case of you not liking a film and your DH being 'offended'. It sounds like you have to critique the negatives of every film you watch and point out everything that you thought was wrong with it.

Which you're entitled to do, of course, but just be aware but it can be quite draining being with someone who feels the need to do this - it really sucks the joy out of things for other people. I have a friend who has to critique every meal we have in a restaurant and other people have told me that they find it really annoying, at the end of a relaxed evening with friends that everyone enjoyed overall even if the food wasn't perfect, to have someone outlining every thing that they felt was wrong about the experience.

I don't think your DH is 'offended'; I think he'd just like to relax and enjoy a film without you critiquing it and making the whole thing into a negative experience.

D0lphine · 17/05/2022 11:16

You sound like a bit of a killjoy.

If I've thought something was good and another person just whinges about this and that I find it brings me down a bit.

I think that I just like to relax and enjoy a film or series even if it's total nonsense. I certainly wouldn't really notice a plot point and if I did I would just laugh about it and say "well that was a bit unrealistic haha!"

It would defo irritate me if a lot of the time someone was like well I didn't enjoy that because of a b c d e f g etc.

FourTeaFallOut · 17/05/2022 11:17

If anyone sits down next to me during a disaster movie and starts up with..."it isn't very realistic, is it?"...then I'll turn it off and watch it later. I mean, would you like to eat your dinner while someone narratives, "it's a bit shit, isn't it? I see the chicken isn't organic. Why would anyone put gravy on this? I think the carbon footprint of this meal must be huge. Why would anyone put a Yorkshire pudding with chicken"? I mean, shut your face, I was enjoying this and now all I have in my mind is your discontent.

misskatamari · 17/05/2022 11:21

I think a lot can be in delivery. Saying "I didn't really enjoy that and thought it was a bit shit" seems different to "that was shit wasn't it". I know they're basically the same thing, but the latter seems more...sweeping I guess? If dh enjoyed the film, hearing you blanket declare it shit, could feel like you're criticising him, and make him feel like he's somehow bad for liking it (I don't think this would even be a conscious thing, I think when things like this trigger defensiveness etc it's often rooted in something from the past, where we felt similarly). I know I can often jump to feeling criticised for things, and get defensive, when that actually isn't what's happening, and being aware of that means I can recognise it for what it is.

briancormorant · 17/05/2022 11:41

DW and DD will point out errors and plot impossibilities afterwards.
It ever so slightly annoys me that they are both cleverer than me.
They are kind and wait till after it has finished.
One would never expect ones friends or relatives to enjoy the same books would we? Why is it different with movies?

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