Would you go to dhs family wedding if...?

[Nonamed]

You recently had a fallout with your in laws and they didn't apologise for hurting you? The wedding is a 100 plus people all consisting of dhs family. They will presumably all have in laws back. In laws discuss all private matters (part of the problem) so I know everyone will have some idea of what's going on.

Aibu to do a hard pass on this? It would be a whole day of uncomfortableness

Why should YOU not go?
do you feel PIL are DEMANDING you go?
it it family who you get on with normally?

i was at a small wedding last month, part of the bridal party were inlaws id fell out with previously

we just stayed away from then, got on with the day, left before it got lairy

it was fine and im glad i went

Maybe the wedding is where you take your stand on going low contact with his family if there is so few good points about them.

so the MIL will kick off if you don’t go.
If you go she’ll just make your day unpleasant?

id rather not go and start minimising contact with her.

You don't need to people please, but not going to a family wedding is quite a big statement and draws a line in the sand. I would be inclined to go along to the wedding and meal, but make excuses not to linger late.
I think sometimes is difficult to keep firm boundaries in place with parents, and when people say your dh should deal with it, they don't realise how difficult this can be in some families. For your relationship with them going forward, and your own sanity, keep contact to a minimum.

I would do what thecatsthecats said. My feeling is that your mil wants everyone to think that her family are happy and perfect just like her.
Meanwhile she has either said or done things to you which she knows are making you unhappy.

A few years I had a friend who's mil was similar to your own.
So one day mil rang when her son was not at home. My friend took a message but mil did not hang up her phone. Her mil then decide to slate my friend to the people around her not realising she had not ended the call. My friend heard what she said. That evening she told her husband what happened. Her husband told his mother that evening she was no longer welcome in his house and he was not to ring him either.
My friend was delighted with no longer having to deal with her mil.

My friend then heard that her mil had said and done things to other people as well.
In fact she had very few friends left due to her poor behaviour.
It now a few years later and her mil now has altizmers. My friend has never helped her mil out and has refused to bring her mil and fil to appointments.

My advice is to go to the wedding and go NC with mil after this. You should not have to accept your mil bad behaviour or her saying nasty things to you.

Then don't go ...
.dh can go..

But you've got more issues on your hand than this wedding!

Whose wedding is it? It'd be unfair on his relatives to not go just because he told his parents they've overstepped. It feels really dramatic based on the information we have - although that obviously could be unfair as we don't know how they overstep.