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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour doesn’t seem to like me

40 replies

Applegreenb · 16/05/2022 09:18

I suffer from anxiety and this situation is a first world problem but definitely sets off my anxiety.

Neighbours have a daughter in the same school and similar ages. Never really had any concerns for first 2 years after we moved in. When they started school the wife seemed to get really funny with me.

She’s actually rude, I will smile say hi and she ignores me on the school run. This morning she actually rolled her eyes at me. She doesn’t do the school run often, mostly DH who is still polite. Sometimes she’s absolutely fine but I’ve noticed it’s when other people are around she’s polite to me.

Another neighbour had mentioned she can be off with them first before I even noticed anything so maybe it more I now notice it and it was there before. Just seems to depend on her mood.

Should I stop being polite and ignore her (seems really childish) or carry on saying hi (I don’t tend to start a massive conversation)?

I know it seems like a none issue to a lot of people but I have bad social anxiety so any tips on how to care less would be appreciated (I don’t even want to be friends with her…I think I’m crazy)

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 16/05/2022 09:19

Carry on saying hello as you pass but don't stop or try to make further conversation.

worriedparent12 · 16/05/2022 09:20

I don't know, I find eye rolling really rude and I would tend to ignore her from now on.

Nellynoo182 · 16/05/2022 09:39

Take the moral high ground - keep saying hello with a polite smile and that’s all it needs to be. My neighbour can be like this too, the world is full of funny buggers 🤣 best not wasting your energy worrying over it xx

sandgrown · 16/05/2022 09:44

My neighbour looks straight through me when I speak to him. I have been told his child has ADHD/ASD so I now wonder if he is the same. I just keep saying a cheery good morning

Mally100 · 16/05/2022 09:48

No I wouldn't bother to greet someone who so openly is rude to me.

Squillerman · 16/05/2022 09:49

I’d be inclined to just blank her in future. I also have social anxiety and I’m honestly just really shy so I haven’t communicated with our new NDN very much compared to DH who has spoken to them a few times. I may seem rude as a result but don’t mean to. I was ready to say your NDN may be a bit like me until I read she actively ignores you greeting her and rolled her eyes. She’s just a bit of a rude twat, I wouldn’t lose any sleep.

blueagain · 16/05/2022 09:50

I had this. I got sick and tired of the shitty response so I just stopped. I just went about my morning and greeted other people. Ignored her entirely. She still made no effort and I could stop giving a shit.

KangarooKenny · 16/05/2022 09:51

I’d just ignore her, don’t say hello unless you make eye contact.

Googlecanthelpme · 16/05/2022 09:53

If you had to write a list of the people you care about and value, would she be on that list?

No.

Therefore fuck her and her rudeness.

She is of zero importance to your life.

Appreciate your anxiety may not let you be this blasé but she is clearly a rude person in general and has some kind of emotional issue where she cannot control her unpleasantness / insecurity/ rage - whatever it might be.

It is not about you - it’s her.

So I personally would blank her yes. Because in the grand scheme of life, some unpleasant little troll neighbour smiling or not smiling at me means nothing.

HSKAT · 16/05/2022 09:53

Yeah I wouldn't bother anymore.

My neighbours are like that, they say hello first when it suits them but I don't make the effort to be the first one anymore.

GabriellaMontez · 16/05/2022 09:54

Can you just 'not see' her? There is no need to give too much head space to someone who sounds quite rude. Try not to imagine it's about you.

10HailMarys · 16/05/2022 10:05

I'd just ignore her from this point on. She's incredibly rude, but that's her problem and not yours. It's nothing you've done - it's all on her.

Bonjovispjs · 16/05/2022 10:07

Ignore her, she's not worth giving a second thought to!

Original poster

Applegreenb · 16/05/2022 10:13

Thanks all, I feel loads better reading your responses!

I keep over thinking that I have been rude some how and then think what if I’m a bad person (anxiety rabbit hole) but if she’s been funny with the other neighbour I just need to starting thinking it’s maybe her issue.

I should care less, I might carry on saying hello. Take the moral high ground. You never know hopefully they might move 🤞

OP posts:

autienotnaughty · 16/05/2022 10:17

Some people are just funny. I wouldn't take it personally. I would smile and say hi with a wave every time I saw her. Show up her rudeness!!

Sceptre86 · 16/05/2022 10:24

I'm a lot like @Squillerman re social anxiety. I'm really bad at small talk and it can come across as being aloof or rude when I don't mean to. My neighbour tends to talk to my dh more than me but he is a natural conversationalist and it comes easy to him. Mine always seems to catch me when I'm on my way to pick up the kids or drip them off so usually in a rush, I smile and say hi but not much beyond that. I'd she wasn't talking much I'd assume she was a bit like me but the eye rolling is rude.

Original poster

Applegreenb · 16/05/2022 10:29

@Squillerman @Sceptre86 my DH is exactly like you guys. He wouldn’t start a conversation but if you smile or say hello we would always reciprocate. I’m comfortable around quiet people but this just feels odd.

OP posts:

PeachesToday · 16/05/2022 11:28

I suspect my neighbour might say I’m off with them but I’m just introverted & quite shy.

Perhaps she is a bit socially awkward and the eye roll wasn’t an eye roll at all. I would keep saying hello or not, do whatever’s true to you.

GuinyBird · 16/05/2022 12:03

Is there any chance that your dd is not kind to her dd at school or overly bossy?

AryaStarkWolf · 16/05/2022 12:07

Just blank her, she sounds like an asshole

Chica10 · 16/05/2022 12:10

What has moral high ground have any thing to do with it? She has rolled her eyes at you then blanks you. Why would you continue to acknowledge her? In life there will be people who like you, but also people who will not like you and that’s fine. Not everyone needs to like you. I would definitely ignore from now on.

MrsMingech · 16/05/2022 12:12

I don't agree with people saying you should continue to say hello.

You say you have anxiety, and if you're saying hello to her and she ignores you or rolls her eyes each time, that won't do much for your anxiety. It will just make you feel shit.

Who wants to feel shit? She isn't worth the bother.

MrsGinaHarrison87 · 16/05/2022 12:16

I've had similar with another school mum/ neighbour. Sometimes she'd say hi, other times she'd look straight past me. If she could avoid me or pretend she hadn't seen me, she would. I just blank her now and things are awkward but I don't give a fuck. The neurotic cow brought it on herself.

Original poster

Applegreenb · 16/05/2022 12:43

@GuinyBird no they are good friends and play nicely together. Invited her to my DC birthday party but they never replied or showed

OP posts:

TheMooch · 16/05/2022 12:46

I'd just start ignoring her. Focus on the lovely people in your life.

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