Neighbour doesn’t seem to like me

[Applegreenb]

I suffer from anxiety and this situation is a first world problem but definitely sets off my anxiety.

Neighbours have a daughter in the same school and similar ages. Never really had any concerns for first 2 years after we moved in. When they started school the wife seemed to get really funny with me.

She’s actually rude, I will smile say hi and she ignores me on the school run. This morning she actually rolled her eyes at me. She doesn’t do the school run often, mostly DH who is still polite. Sometimes she’s absolutely fine but I’ve noticed it’s when other people are around she’s polite to me.

Another neighbour had mentioned she can be off with them first before I even noticed anything so maybe it more I now notice it and it was there before. Just seems to depend on her mood.

Should I stop being polite and ignore her (seems really childish) or carry on saying hi (I don’t tend to start a massive conversation)?

I know it seems like a none issue to a lot of people but I have bad social anxiety so any tips on how to care less would be appreciated (I don’t even want to be friends with her…I think I’m crazy)

I have a neighbour a bit like this. Sometimes she says hi & is really chatty & other times I’m ignored. She rarely leaves her house & I get the impression she has other stuff going on so it doesn’t bother me. If she’s friendly so am I, if she ignores me I don’t say anything & I leave her be. It’s not that big a deal. I’d prefer her to some of the nightmare neighbours I read about on here.

The eye rolling is so rude. If my neighbour did that & kept blanking me when I said hi, I would just let them be. I wouldn’t be rude back, I’d simply just ignore them from then on.

My NDN stopped talking to me when their planning application was rejected (based partly on my objection to it - legitimate objections and not personal at all, they hadn't even moved in to the property so we didn't know each other). We both have a child in the same class at school, and I figured it would be ridiculous to not speak to each other, so I made a great point of a cheerful hello every time I saw her. She even went off the pavement and walked around parked vehicles to avoid me once. I couldn't believe how petty she was, so I sort of made a game of it.
Anyway, after appeal, obviously their permission was granted so now she talks to me again.

Ignore her in future.
Don't allow others to treat you badly.

I'd be tempted to keep saying hello / good morning very cheerily just to p*ss her off

I could possibly be your neighbour 😊I do have a lot going on and zero headspace to the point of not being able to communicate or think clearly, sometimes not even with my loved ones. But I really like my neighbours and feel awful to be an anti-social git. Not for much longer, I hope, as I'm addressing the main issues. Hopefully, I will be able to be the kind and supportive and chatty neighbour that I'd like to be soon 💜

@Applegreenb I'm amazed that no one has suggested actually asking her outright why she's being so unfriendly. I have severe anxiety too so I understand that this may be a bit scary, but it may help you to mend bridges with your neighbour. I hope you manage to resolve this one way or another as it sounds very uncomfortable.

My NDN and her husband and her relatives that live next door have repeatedly blanked and ignored me. So one day I just decided I was going to stop saying hello and stop stressing about it. I can’t be arsed with rude people anymore. So my point being OP, it really doesn’t matter. Get on with your life and ignore her. Much better things to do with your time.

I had that with our NDNs. Our DDs were really friendly, their DD would often come round to play (usually just before a mealtime I might add!). Then suddenly it stopped. They blanked all of us. I heard through the grapevine their bunny had died and they thought our cat had killed it (it was probably a fox as our cat was the same size as the bunny). But I wish they'd just come out and said what their problem was. They moved a year later without a word. Nowt as queer as folk!

@GuinyBird see this is why I don’t take it personally. I’ve no idea what’s happening in her life so I just go with the flow where she’s concerned. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I hope your neighbours are the same.

This got me thinking about how I come across. I'm poor socially cannot for the life of me make small talk and also live in my head a lot so I often don't realise people are taking/waving. I have on several occasions been accused of blanking people when I had no idea they were there! Also I struggle to recognise people especially if I see them out of context so for example if I see a school mum in supermarket I may not recognise her and wouldn't greet her. I guess what I'm saying is it could be awkwardness rather than rudeness.

People dont have to speak to other people. A lot of people are speaking here as though we're entitled to a conversation with our neighbours who we just happen to randomly live next to.

Perhaps the neighbour has lots going in her life, has enough friends, is shy, has social anxiety herself.

You can probably tell that I sympathise the neighbour in this post. I'm not used to having over the fence neighbours. Our new-ish neighbours are constantly trying to talk to us over the back garden fence. As soon as I go outside (and only me, they leave my husband alone) their patio doors are flung open and they're at the fence. I hate it and just ensure I'm facing away from them. I'm a private person and my garden is my private space. Is their entitlement to a conversation of greater value than my entitlement to privacy?

My neighbours have now joined local clubs that I go to and I see them around the neighbourhood. Sometimes I avoid them and sometimes I'm up for a good long chat. I'm sure this confuses them which I do some sympathy with, but I need my space.

@Walkingtheplank that sounds awful, I would hate for someone to invade my garden. It’s your private space they they shouldn’t be doing that.

im happy for people to avoid me but passing on the road and say hello or morning (no further conversation) and getting a dirty look is a bit different. I’m also up north so it’s very common for completely strangers to say morning as you pass on the walk around the village.

I’d kill her with kindness and really OTT greetings. Big waves and smiles. I wouldn’t stick about to chat though. Hopefully it’ll make her realise you know she’s a rude bitch.