Would this bother your or am I being precious?

[JustaQuestion2]

Youngest DS (who is 1) is in nursery.

FIL recently retired and offered to collect 2 days a week so he could go down to half days on those days and save us some on fees. Very kind offer and it was the first week of him doing that on the Thursday and Friday last week.

Anyway, I was told when he joined this nursery that any other adult picking him up would need to give a password before they collected him the first time until the staff knew them so we set a password up.

FIL went to collect for the first time last Thursday and they didn't ask him for it. He said he was X's grandad and they just handed him over. I had mentioned at drop off in the morning that FIL was due to pick him up and knew the password but hadn't given his name or anything.

It just made me feel a bit off that they'd just hand my son to a man they'd never seen before because he just said he was his grandad. What's the point in these passwords if they aren't asked for?

AIBU? Willing to accept I'm just being stupid, obviously they did know FIL was coming for him that day so maybe I am.

Obviously title should say bother you not your!

If you hadn’t forewarned them he was picking up, I think you’d have a point. But they already knew he was.

I don't think you're being precious at all. The password system is there for a good reason. I'd be having a chat with the school about it.

No, that’s really shit. They have a system for a reason and they should use it. I’d point that out to them.

YANBU. I was asked the password a few times when picking my own child up, and I was glad they were being cautious.

I do appreciate this but they didn't know anything about him, didn't ask for his name, a description, anything. He could have been anyone. I do understand that's very unlikely that a random guy would try it on the same day I'd told him his FIL was coming but can you really be too careful for the sake of just asking a password?

Told them**

No, massive safeguarding failure. Talk to the manager as a matter of priority, and use the word safeguarding.

Was DS jumping up and down and yelling 'Granddad!'?

Because that would make using a password fairly redundant.

You are not being precious at all, that's not good enough if they are not following their own policies/processes.

Report to management as it could be a training issue.

Haha no, he can't speak yet. He may had toddled up to him but that's not unusual anyway as he's quite a friendly baby!

Thank you all! Feel less silly. I'll mention it when I pick him up later.

YANBU OP. I’d feel the same.

YANBU at all, glad you're going to speak to them. It doesn't matter if your DC had recognised him. It's basic security measures.

I think because they knew he was coming and he introduced himself then that's fine? The password is mainly for emergencies when things have changed last minute and no time to inform nursery maybe?

Yanbu. I used to pick my nephew up from nurserysometimes and had to give the password every single time, even if the recognised me. I was glad they were being cautious.

YANBU. The password is there for a reason. It could have been anyone trying it on! I've witnessed my child's nursery asking a grandparent for the password (despite the protests of "but you were told I was picking him up, I don't know a password, this is outrageous hassle and I'll have to call my daughter who is in meetings") and being very pleased to witness that they stick to procedure.

Nope I’d be speaking to the nursery immediately, really wouldn’t be happy about that at all

This wouldn’t bother me, I get that if they have a system in place they should use it, but they knew grandad was coming and given grandad showed up what they did seems reasonable. It’ll be different in different nurseries but certainly in ours they’d probably know what he looked like too from the various family photos they ask us to share with them.

Sorry my reply was based on older children who would be able to say who the person collecting was.

Not precious at all. This is breaking lots of rules and if you reported it it would be taken seriously.

This.
Vanishingly small probability that a random man would go to a nursery to pick a small boy up and find a child who was both ready to be collected and happy to go with this 'random man' who also knew , and presumably used, the child's name.

I actually thought the password was mainly in case you have not forewarned them. Eg in an emergency such as taking another dc to a and e I might ask a neighbour to pick up - dc wouldn't know neighbour- hence need for the password. Even then not really necessary as you would call nursery with a description of the person picking up.

That said, I was once asked for the password and went through quite a few deceased cats names before I got the right one- can see there would be a risk of DM getting it wrong entirely if she was asked!

YANBU at all OP. I would raise it with them. Also totally disagree with those saying if a child recognises whoever if picking them up makes it fine. Sadly that’s really not the case for many families and exactly why safe guarding measures should be in place.

A few years ago at my nieces nursery a child was “kidnapped” from nursery by her estranged father who they had fled due to domestic abuse. Nursery staff let the child go as she was happy to see him and called him daddy. These things are rare but can happen.

Yes I think you should speak to them. First couple of times I picked up DGD I was asked, but after that they knew my face. GDG rushing into my arms kind of gave it away as well!!