Would this bother your or am I being precious?

[JustaQuestion2]

Youngest DS (who is 1) is in nursery.

FIL recently retired and offered to collect 2 days a week so he could go down to half days on those days and save us some on fees. Very kind offer and it was the first week of him doing that on the Thursday and Friday last week.

Anyway, I was told when he joined this nursery that any other adult picking him up would need to give a password before they collected him the first time until the staff knew them so we set a password up.

FIL went to collect for the first time last Thursday and they didn't ask him for it. He said he was X's grandad and they just handed him over. I had mentioned at drop off in the morning that FIL was due to pick him up and knew the password but hadn't given his name or anything.

It just made me feel a bit off that they'd just hand my son to a man they'd never seen before because he just said he was his grandad. What's the point in these passwords if they aren't asked for?

AIBU? Willing to accept I'm just being stupid, obviously they did know FIL was coming for him that day so maybe I am.

Not being precious.
Our nursery have a password plus we have to provide a photograph of the person collecting. When my MIL collects she tells me they always check the picture and ask for the password.
Obviously it's unlikely a random bloke would try to collect your son the same day you told them this but with a 1 year old who can't express himself surely you'd always check!

Once in my contact time fil had been and collected ds from school.. He wasn't even on the list and my heart stopped when they said ds had left with an unknown man. They need to follow the system they created to the letter imo.

I can understand feeling weird about it because the nursery are the ones who implemented the password and they aren't following their own policy. It makes it seem a bit tokenistic to appease parents but they aren't actually bothering to do it.

I would have a word with the staff, these things always seem small/ petty at the time but it's small oversights like this that result in big safeguarding issues.

Presumably there's a reason the whole password thing was suggested in the first place. They should talk with the staff about what that reason is, and then why it wasn't implemented in practice (presumably someone felt silly about it or couldn't be bothered - not good reasons).

Technically not precious although it wouldn't bother me - you said grandad was coming, a suitably aged man arrived, asked for your child by name and your ds probably obviously recognised him.

If grandad had shown up without warning, or you had advised there was someone in the family who wasn't allowed contact I'd think differently.

You're not being precious. The password system is there for a reason, whether or not you've told the nursery your fil was picking him up. Anybody could come in & say they were the grandad, very lax of them

OK, but what if it wasn't a random man?

What if, for example, grandad's brother happens to be a rather dodgy character, and gets wind of this situation? Decides to wander down to the nursery 10 minutes before grandad is due to arrive, and collect the child, saying that he is grandad?

These things can and do happen. Nursery doesn't know all the ins and outs of the family situation, and it usually isn't a 'random man'. That is why policies are necessary.

As no harm was done I'd send a "Just FYI..." email to the manager. Most nurseries are terrified of being sued so I expect they'll act on it.

Many years ago a ndn became a bit obsessed with me. He actually tried to remove my dd from nursery claiming to be her df.. I was a single dm and school had no details of a df so didn't let her go. Imagine if they had?
Rules is rules and need keeping strict..

I am a grandma who has done loads of pick-ups over the years and never been asked for a password. The fact that the children run up to me yelling "Mama" was probably sufficient proof of identity!!

I work in a nursery. Yanbu
Yes the staff knew grandad was collecting but they hadn't seen him before, didn't know what he looked like or taken a name from what you've said.
It would have been a massive disciplinary where I work. We ask everyone for the password if we don't know them even if at drop off mum has said something like my dad who is 65, grey hair and wearing a carnation and top hat is collecting. It covers us as well as protecting the child.

I'm quite laid back about these things but even I don't think you're being precious. What's the point of a password system if they don't implement it! And anyway, it's good training for staff who are unpractised with the system to go through the process of checking to see how it works.

But how did they verify that the man was in fact the grandad. Yanbu, this would concern me very much.

The fact that the children run up to me yelling "Mama" was probably sufficient proof of identity!!

No. You'd be surprised at the amount of toddlers that shout mummy etc at the wrong people or cry buckets because someone they think is their grandma picks up another child because they have the wrong person.

What if grandad wasn't allowed to see the child?

in this case, they were expecting him but it could have been the other grandad that turned up or it could be that grandad is a convicted sex offender/abduction risk/whatever.

passwords are there for a reason.

I don’t think you are being precious at all. Yes they knew grandad was coming but handing over your child without checking he knew the password was irresponsible of them.

I am an early years practitioner who works in a nursery and we will always ask for the password if someone new is collecting the child. Even if we knew grandad / Nan etc was due to collect we would still ask for the password. It’s basic safeguarding!

Agree! My son was in hysterics trying to get a random dad to pick him up that came for a settling session with his own child because he looked like DH once.

I would raise it. The first time my mum collected dd1 they asked for a password and a photo! Even if they were forewarned that someone else was collecting him, I'd have expected them to as his name at least to confirm who he was. It's a safeguarding issue and if you raise it they can make sure it doesn't happen in the future.

Agree! Dd cried on a bus once whenshe was about 2 as Grandad was at the back ignoring her. It was just a man with a beard, not Grandad!

And as a PP said, someone might actually be Grandad, Auntie, other parent but could be not allowed contact with the child. A password or similar system stops this from happening.