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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just want to have bedtime with daddy

44 replies

Summersnotwhatitusedtobe · 15/05/2022 17:53

Dd, almost 4, said this to me before.

We alternate nights and she asked if she was going to bed with daddy tonight, I said how it was my night as he took her last night. She looked quite gutted 🙈and said I just want to go to bed with daddy, not you.

Aibu to feel a bit hurt by this, she’s like this over so many things to do with him.
I’m premenstrual so could be me being extra sensitive 🤣 just would be nice to be the favourite for once, especially considering I’m the one who does almost everything for her!

OP posts:
BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 15/05/2022 17:55

Could women please stop going "oh, I'm hormonal so maybe that's why I'm upset."

It's so boring now. You're a woman. Big woop. You're allowed to be upset without qualifying it with "I get periods so maybe I'm handling this worse than a man."

coffeecupsandfairylights · 15/05/2022 17:57

No need to blame your hormones - a comment like that is bound to sting, even though it obviously isn't meant maliciously.

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 15/05/2022 17:58

Because you do nearly everything for her she takes you for granted! It's her df's relationship that needs reinforcing that's why she said it.

rainyskylight · 15/05/2022 17:59

Agree re the hormonal comment. Gives us a bad rep.

if you do “almost everything” for her then perhaps she looks forward to bedtime with daddy as she gets him to herself, whereas you’re around all the time.

user1474315215 · 15/05/2022 17:59

Most children go through phases of having a favourite parent - it really doesn't mean anything.

TeenPlusCat · 15/05/2022 18:00

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 15/05/2022 17:58

Because you do nearly everything for her she takes you for granted! It's her df's relationship that needs reinforcing that's why she said it.

I agree. Time with her Dad is more limited so she wants more.

Jeds55 · 15/05/2022 18:00

Been there and felt hurt by it too (as I also feel I do the majority for her) so yanbu

RestingPandaFace · 15/05/2022 18:00

It’s because you do everything that she wants him. It’s a combination of novelty, insecurity about their attachment and wanting the reassurance that he will do it.

Doesn't mean it’s nice to hear though x

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/05/2022 18:01

Its because you do everything else that she wants daddy to do bedtime. Embrace it, let him do it and do something nice for yourself.

Jeds55 · 15/05/2022 18:01

Also, get him to do bedtime and take the break!

redskyatnight · 15/05/2022 18:02

Children always want to do things with the parent who isn't there.
I bet her dad gets just as many comments.

Original poster
Summersnotwhatitusedtobe · 15/05/2022 18:07

Regarding the period comment, I personally am particularly weepy & sensitive and not great before, so in my case, it is often more to blame

He’s *Always the favourite 😫aside from occasionally when she’s sick or sad

OP posts:
Deadringer · 15/05/2022 18:12

My ds was like this and I got a bit miffed at times, it is definitely a phase, by the time I was on my 5th dc I was wishing for them to prefer dh. 😂

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 15/05/2022 18:17

I get this sometimes from DD and she's just turned 8, but so does DH. It depends what she's in the mood for. DH is better at playing, he just is, he has more patience and imagination. I'm better for cuddles and crafty creative stuff.

We do 30 mins of quiet time with her before bed, either playing with quiet toys or reading/crafting. If she's in more of a playing mood she wants her dad.

RandomMess · 15/05/2022 18:20

Well it means is that your DH needs to step up and do far more of the day to day parenting and you do the fun stuff.

What her words actually translate to are "Daddy doesn't do enough for me".

Flowers
Curlygirl06 · 15/05/2022 18:22

My granddaughter is 2 1/2,I look after her one day a week minimum, we have a lovely time and she always cuddles up, kisses me etc. If granddad is there, I'd be lucky to get the drippings from her nose! It's what kids do.

Original poster
Summersnotwhatitusedtobe · 15/05/2022 18:37

@Curlygirl06 🤣Yes, she’s definitely much more of a fan of her grandad (my dad) than my mum and my mum’s a lovely grandma!
Do little girls generally prefer their male family members/people in their life? She has 3 gymnastics teachers, one is mainly and he’s her favourite 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Beautifulmonster87 · 15/05/2022 18:38

My son says this almost every night! Always wants me when he’s upset though so I’m not that bothered!

ChloeHel · 15/05/2022 18:40

Summersnotwhatitusedtobe · 15/05/2022 18:37

@Curlygirl06 🤣Yes, she’s definitely much more of a fan of her grandad (my dad) than my mum and my mum’s a lovely grandma!
Do little girls generally prefer their male family members/people in their life? She has 3 gymnastics teachers, one is mainly and he’s her favourite 🤷🏻‍♀️

My DD favours me and wants me all the time but that’s because DH works so she’s used to having me 24/7. But she much favours my dad over my mum! She absolutely loves her Bampy and when they are together they are inseparable, if he leaves the room she screams 😂

NewBlueGoo · 15/05/2022 18:51

Omg can we please let other women talk about their own periods and hormones however they goddamn like? In the same way we might let them talk about anything else that might be affecting how they feel? Like being tired, or having a cold, or being stressed? Or do we have to pretend PMT / PMDD / perimenopause / PND / any other hormonally related emotional state is some malign invention of the fucking patriarchy?

Ffs.

niceandsimple · 15/05/2022 18:56

My DD also four has told me on numerous occasions that she prefers Daddy's suppers. But then again, he makes it less often so it is a treat.
It can be very hard to remember that she really does not mean it maliciously.

SmellyWellyWoo · 15/05/2022 18:56

Wow the vicious comments over periods and period shaming. A lot of women DO feel more emotional and sensitive when on their period, let them fucking speak.

TheVillageBaker · 15/05/2022 19:01

I feel quite hurt when DD says the same to me. But then again, I also get pissed off when she goes through phases of only wanting me and no one else 😆

Curlygirl06 · 15/05/2022 19:15

Summersnotwhatitusedtobe · 15/05/2022 18:37

@Curlygirl06 🤣Yes, she’s definitely much more of a fan of her grandad (my dad) than my mum and my mum’s a lovely grandma!
Do little girls generally prefer their male family members/people in their life? She has 3 gymnastics teachers, one is mainly and he’s her favourite 🤷🏻‍♀️

She was born just before lockdown and for the first 9 months of her life, when we were only allowed to visit in gardens and on the doorstep, she didn't see granddad much. When I started looking after her when my dd went back to work, she cried if he was home and walked into the room!
Now, totally different story. We went round once, she saw grandad and couldn't run to him quick enough. He said to her "say hello to grandma", she turned her head briefly and waved half heartedly, then carried on talking to him. I know my place!

ForestofD · 15/05/2022 19:22

Don't worry.
Husband worked long hours when my eldest was youngest. I did everything, good and bad.
For about a year, when she was 3, she used only want Daddy because she 'likes him better.' It bothered OH more than me- it's just because I did all the boring stuff like potty training, tantrums, feeding and sleep training etc. I was the constant parent. Once his hours adjusted and he was home more, this gradually stopped when she realised that Daddy also did those things too.