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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just want to have bedtime with daddy

44 replies

Summersnotwhatitusedtobe · 15/05/2022 17:53

Dd, almost 4, said this to me before.

We alternate nights and she asked if she was going to bed with daddy tonight, I said how it was my night as he took her last night. She looked quite gutted 🙈and said I just want to go to bed with daddy, not you.

Aibu to feel a bit hurt by this, she’s like this over so many things to do with him.
I’m premenstrual so could be me being extra sensitive 🤣 just would be nice to be the favourite for once, especially considering I’m the one who does almost everything for her!

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 15/05/2022 19:28

gives you half an hour to put your feet up & relax with a cup of tea/glass of wine/whatever in peace.

RewildingAmbridge · 15/05/2022 19:30

DS does this to both of us, it swings from day to day, last night DH was going to read him a story and he wanted me, tonight I was going to brush his teeth he wanted daddy. I wouldn't take it to heart.

Mally100 · 15/05/2022 19:30

Maybe it's just me but I am thrilled when ds would ask for dh. What's not to love about sitting down and relaxing instead of the whole bedtime routine.

LetitiaLeghorn · 15/05/2022 19:35

So the takeaway from this thread is, daughter wants father to put her to bed so he must be a shit father. Not that he loves him and he's fun and she likes the way he does things and how he reads a book.

TokyoTen · 15/05/2022 19:42

YABU you'll be fav parent again soon. They change all the time. Make the most of it and tell DH very sweetly that perhaps he needs to do it again tonight while you have wine.

Homemadearmy · 15/05/2022 19:44

I never used to understand the hormone comments about periods. Then I hit my 40s and everything changed. Now I know my period is coming because I am a weepy mess.

ComDummings · 15/05/2022 19:46

Kids are fickle creatures at times, they go through phases of having a favourite parent/family members, it’s normal! No need to feel bad about it, it’s not personal.

Rtmhwales · 15/05/2022 19:47

LetitiaLeghorn · 15/05/2022 19:35

So the takeaway from this thread is, daughter wants father to put her to bed so he must be a shit father. Not that he loves him and he's fun and she likes the way he does things and how he reads a book.

That was my thoughts exactly. It doesn't mean dad doesn't do enough or that their bond is insecure Hmm

Porcupineintherough · 15/05/2022 19:57

ComDummings · 15/05/2022 19:46

Kids are fickle creatures at times, they go through phases of having a favourite parent/family members, it’s normal! No need to feel bad about it, it’s not personal.

^^perfectly put.

LetitiaLeghorn · 15/05/2022 19:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SamMil · 15/05/2022 20:00

I could have written this! We also alternate bedtimes & my 4 year old often says she wants her dad and not me.

In our case, all childcare is pretty much exactly 50/50 so it's not a case of her wanting him because she doesn't spend we much time with him. For us, I think it is probably that her dad is just more fun as he lets her get away with more!

I do take it a little personally sometimes (inside, I wouldn't let her know!). But actually, if she is hurt or upset/scared and needs comforting, it is always me she goes to so I know she wants me too, but just at different times.

LetitiaLeghorn · 15/05/2022 20:01

Oops. Wrong thread. Sorry.

stuntbubbles · 15/05/2022 20:03

We too alternate bedtimes and it is my absolute favourite fucking thing when DD yells, “Not you, only Daddy!” Yes! Treat night for mummy, I get to lark about the kitchen making dinner while someone else argues over hair washing and how many stories constitutes just one more! Absolute result.

Olsi109 · 15/05/2022 20:05

My middle DD is still the same at 11. Apparently it's because Dad does better voices than I do when reading at bedtime 🤷‍♀️ I was a little hurt but I also have no intention of doing them the way he does so he wins 🤣

She's very much a daddy's girl though and always has been. Oldest DD is very independent and dislikes us both the same 🤣 (she loves us really, when she wants something). Baby is definitely a mummy's girl and I intend to make sure it stays this way.

RandomMess · 15/05/2022 20:07

My post on "Daddy needs to do more" was in part tongue in cheek and as the OP says she does most of the day to day stuff he has the "novelty factor"'and yes rebalancing things with him doing more will help.

Doesn't mean he's a shit Dad, it does mean his daughter would like more time with him just doing the day to day parenting stuff.

HousePlantNeglect · 15/05/2022 20:21

stuntbubbles · 15/05/2022 20:03

We too alternate bedtimes and it is my absolute favourite fucking thing when DD yells, “Not you, only Daddy!” Yes! Treat night for mummy, I get to lark about the kitchen making dinner while someone else argues over hair washing and how many stories constitutes just one more! Absolute result.

Yeah this is us. I felt hurt by it too at first but then realised I got a night off to do exercise/cook/watch tv/have a bath. Bliss. Embrace it!

CoodleMoodle · 15/05/2022 20:22

We alternate bedtimes too. DD prefers DH, DS prefers me. Not just at bedtime, either!

When DD was little and I'd tell her I loved her, she'd usually reply "and I love Daddy". She's mostly grown out of at 8, but she still likes him to be with him more.

3yo DS on the other hand says "I don't like Daddy, I only like Mummy!"... until Daddy is doing something he likes, in which case he's fine.

Absolutely normal, ime. And sort of nice, sort of frustrating, depending on the circumstances! DD always preferred DH but she'd suffer me if he wasn't available, but DS goes nuts if anybody other than me tries to do something and he's not in the mood for "not Mummy" (IE literally anybody else!).

LetitiaLeghorn · 15/05/2022 20:31

When DD was little and I'd tell her I loved her, she'd usually reply "and I love Daddy".

They can be such little shits, can't they? 😂😂

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 15/05/2022 20:37

NewBlueGoo · 15/05/2022 18:51

Omg can we please let other women talk about their own periods and hormones however they goddamn like? In the same way we might let them talk about anything else that might be affecting how they feel? Like being tired, or having a cold, or being stressed? Or do we have to pretend PMT / PMDD / perimenopause / PND / any other hormonally related emotional state is some malign invention of the fucking patriarchy?

Ffs.

I thought exactly the same

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