How often would you see them?

[Thisisthebestpart]

We live abroad and we niece and her partner are coming to visit. They’re staying in a hotel around 40 minutes ago and coming for a week to see our Dd, 2.
They asked if they can come to ours in the evenings and at the weekend. It will be a 40 minute journey to pick them up and take them back, Dd goes to bed at 7pm. Dh can pick and drop off but how would you arrange it and how often would you see them?

*My niece

*minutes away! Sorry for the typos

Twice at the most

Did you invite them or did they invite themselves? How close are you to them, how delighted to see them for a week?
My sense is they need to employ the use of local taxis, not expect too much ferrying about by you and yours.

Yes, I would offer to pick up and drop back maybe twice over week?
The other evenings if you're happy to have them, tell them they can make their own way out to you as you'll be busy with dinner/bedtime

2/3 times?

You mean they expect you to drive them there and back? Why? Can't they get an Uber?

Do you live in a typical holiday destination or not? Are they actually coming to visit you or are they coming for a holiday first and foremost?

Just to say, they haven’t asked us to pick them up, I’m just assuming we would? 🤷🏻‍♀️
They’ve come for a holiday, I’m guessing but to see Dd too (we live in a tourist destination)
I was thinking once in the week and one day at the weekend? I’m just wondering about them saying can they come to us in the evenings and weekends as though maybe they think a lot more?
Just tricky because Dh is home from work around 6 then Dd in bed 7, I mean we could push it to 8, but any later and she’s a nightmare the next day without enough sleep

One evening in the week and then a full day at the weekend?

Do you work? If not they could come to you earlier on the evening couldn't they? They'd just need to make their own way.

It depends very much if they have their own transportation. If they have a car, they could come as often as they want- provided it works with DDs bed times - if they are relying on lifts then once in the week and once at the weekend seems fine.

I would assume that they can get public transport to somewhere closer and you'd pick them up from there. Anything else would involve you driving for 2 hours 40 minutes each time to take them there and back and really doesn't make sense.

If it's your niece I'd be tempted to be honest and just say that evenings aren't great because of your dd going to bed so early. Would it be possible to meet up with them in the day when your DH is working?

Is that 40 minutes each way - twice?

Then doing that twice in a week?

How about suggesting they come down for a Friday or Saturday evening and stay over and spend the next day with you?

That way you aren't travelling so much and it's quality time with you and DD.

I'd say "Evenings won't work as DD will be in bed; we'd love to see you on Sunday for lunch and a trip to the park after. There's a bus /train at 11 am, DH will pick you up at our local station/bus stop. "

No way would they be getting ferried back and forth both directions by DH every time they come to your place. (4 X 40 minutes).

If their week is weekend to weekend you could perhaps do an evening at the start of the week, suggest they get themselves to you once mid week and do a goodbye lunch day before they leave. On the first visit tell them a few must visit places locally ( or give them tourist leaflets)

I work so won’t be back and sorted until around 6pm, I could do an easy dinner and Dh goes to get them, but by the time they’re here, they’d have around an hour with Dd, then I’d take her to bed and Dh would have to drive them back again-it’s 40 minutes to pick them up, then 40 minutes back to house, then 40 minutes to drop them home, then 40 minutes back to home again on an evening with work the next day 😬
I mean we can do it but I think just once? Then on the weekend day, go for day out near their hotel-beach/ ice cream or maybe even to their hotel for a swim?

Why any restrictions? Surely they will be able to make their own way 40 mins if they can manage to fly to another country?

Presumably they will want some of the holiday to themselves anyway. Making out they need an appointment isn't very hospitable/friendly imo.

Honestly, if they can over with the intention of seeing you and DD, why on earth are they staying so far away?
I think it's up to them to get to you and back to their hotel, and I think weekday evenings sound too stressful. Meet up halfway at the weekend and enjoy the time together without all this ferrying around.

I think your weekend plan is good. For midweek I’d say something like “we’d love to see you Tuesday and Wednesday [or whatever suits], if you aren’t renting a car get the x train/bus to y and an Uber from there. No one will be in until 6.”

Unless this cousin is as good as a sister to you and saved your life when you were 8 you shouldn’t be planning on nearly 3 hours of driving in an evening after you’ve worked all day and with work the next day too. Don’t take that on yourselves.

I'd probably see them a couple of evenings and both days at the weekend. But only if you don't have to do all the picking up.

I think they are falling into the trap of forgetting that their holiday is your daily life.

Be honest... DD needs to be in bed. You can have a day out at the weekend. You can pick them up for dinner, but they will need a taxi back.

They had to stay a little further away because it was cheaper that bit further out (the area around is quite expensive)

I think you have to be clear that you are at work and dd needs to be in bed too.

Can you not explain to them how to get bus / train to yours (or near yours) so they can arrive when you get in from work. They can spend time with dd whilst your / dh prepare a meal. dd can go to bed, you all can eat, and then, if you are willing, perhaps one of you could drive them home.
Then, like you say, you drive over to meet them for a meal or a swim or a sit in the sunshine or whatever suits you, at the weekend.