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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How often would you see them?

39 replies

Thisisthebestpart · 15/05/2022 16:12

We live abroad and we niece and her partner are coming to visit. They’re staying in a hotel around 40 minutes ago and coming for a week to see our Dd, 2.
They asked if they can come to ours in the evenings and at the weekend. It will be a 40 minute journey to pick them up and take them back, Dd goes to bed at 7pm. Dh can pick and drop off but how would you arrange it and how often would you see them?

OP posts:

Billandben444 · 16/05/2022 06:08

On reflection, if they came over one evening in the week then they could stay after your DD has gone to bed and spend time with you? Have a 'picnic/tapas' meal in the fridge to make it an easy social occasion for you.

Thursday37 · 16/05/2022 06:14

I wouldn’t be seeing them in the week at all if I was working. Just the weekend.
Normally they’d have arranged to come when you are not at work otherwise surely? How odd otherwise.

I wouldn’t disrupt my 2 year olds routine on a workday for anyone, on holiday it’s different but not when we have work and nursery.

HollowTalk · 16/05/2022 06:23

I wouldn't do any drop-offs and pick ups. Surely they can manage that?

nometo4 · 16/05/2022 06:28

Can you take any time off work while they're there? If they came to see DD then they won't be seeing much of her in the evenings.

What's the public transport like there?

Cherrysoup · 16/05/2022 06:48

Unless you can take off a day, I’d say just the weekend, evenings will be too crazy.

BoDerek · 16/05/2022 06:52

Just be upfront and explain to her that evenings are tricky with young children. If she hasn’t been around young children she may be unaware of this.
so they may want to adjust their plans so they are your child when she’s awake 😂 and not too grumpy.
might be a better plan for them to do visits during the day and go out on the evenings. Would be nice to spend one or two evenings with them though. Sounds like they’re pretty keen to see you.

newnamethanks · 16/05/2022 06:59

Give them the local taxi number.

BoDerek · 16/05/2022 07:05

newnamethanks · 16/05/2022 06:59

Give them the local taxi number.

That’s pretty rude. Why are people in here so quick to be mean and rude? Why would you want to treat a visitor who had travelled a long way to see you with such indifference?

Vsirbdo · 16/05/2022 07:09

Once in the week and a whole day at the weekend; I’d explain your DDs routine as when I didn’t have a DC I never really thought about parents having to work around their kids bedtime or that it wasn’t as simple as just keeping them up. For my DC evenings aren’t a great time to see people as they’re already tired from the day so perhaps mention that too

coffeecupsandfairylights · 16/05/2022 07:14

@BoDerek it's not rude to expect guests to sort their own transport!

OP and her husband are both at work all day, why should they faff around giving people lifts when the niece and her partner are on holiday and have more than enough time to organise and sort a taxi if they want to go and visit.

Skyeheather · 16/05/2022 07:29

It sounds like they want to do their own thing in the daytime and come and see you every evening and the weekend.

My parents do this, come to stay in our town, have a nice day out of every day then pitch at ours in the evening expecting dinner and to tell us what a lovely day they had. It really doesn't work for me as I'm usually rushing around getting the kids tea, doing their bath, putting them to bed, getting everything ready for the next day and I have make dinner for everyone too!

rookiemere · 16/05/2022 08:04

It sounds like they are not staying so far away because they want to, but because that's what their budget allows.

Presumably it isn't possible for them to stay at OPs and/or they preferred not to.

I think see as much of them at the weekend as possible - a full day together sounds good - and one evening at yours, but hopefully without your DH doing the driving.

Some of the responses are kind of mean. These are relatives who want to see you, absolutely shouldn't be disrupting a DCs bedtime, but presumably you like and enjoy each other's company and are prepared to make a little effort to see them.

WildCoasts · 16/05/2022 08:07

That kind of distance, they should hire a car.

10HailMarys · 16/05/2022 10:13

If they're coming for a holiday with the added bonus of seeing DD, then maybe an evening during the week (but with them getting over to you under their own steam, if possible?) and then maybe a whole day at the weekend so you can all relax a bit and they can get to know DD properly?

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