Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GP won't help

32 replies

emzz34 · 15/05/2022 08:35

Hi all

On Friday I called my GP for some help and advice ..
I had a traumatic birth (premature) then baby was in hospital for 3 weeks. Once home on day 4 baby was taken seriously ill and had to go back to hospital for 2 weeks fearing the worst.

It's been 5 months and I'm really struggling to cope. It's not depression but I do think it's some sort of anxiety.

I keep blaming myself for not being able to carry my baby until the end of pregnancy and for everything that's happened.
I have a healthy baby now and I'm happy but every little cold or Illness sends me over the edge. He's currently got hand foot and mouth and I'm fearing the worse I can't sleep I can't breathe and every time I think about my baby's health I get chest pains and get myself in a state of crying and not being able to move on.

Spoke to my Gp and he said there's nothing he can do. Could send me for some counselling but there's people going through worse things.
I don't argue with that. I'm sure my problem is 1% compared to others but aibu to still want to speak to someone? Or should I just try and get over myself

OP posts:
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:37

Could send me for some counselling but there's people going through worse things. is that their actual words - word for word?! I would be complaining about that for a start.

OrlaOrka · 15/05/2022 08:39

Congratulations on your little baby! But you sound like you’ve been through such a traumatic time! It’s not surprising you are feeling as you do, you sound like you have PPA (post partum anxiety) as a result of a traumatic birth and postnatal period.

Your GP sounds rubbish tbh. I would definitely ring the surgery and ask to see another one, this is not a time where you should be expected to ‘get over yourself’.

Another option is contact the hospital you had your baby in and request a birth reflections/debrief and they can go through what happened and talk you through. They may also refer you to the perinatal mental health team. Your HV can also help.

The birth trauma association can also help you, so lots of different avenues to explore if you don’t want to contact the GP again which is totally understandable!

GreenRainbowSun · 15/05/2022 08:40

I'm sorry your gp wasn't any help. If you can't sleep etc it does sound like you need some support.
Have you tried speaking to your health visitor? Mine referred women to a local charity and also had a list of local counsellors not NHS but some of them were free/ by donation.

KangarooKenny · 15/05/2022 08:43

You have got anxiety, and I’d hope the GP might mention antidepressants to help you. But before that it sounds like you need some counselling.
Contact your HV and ask for help, or maybe try a different GP/practice nurse.
They do get all sorts of bugs at this age , it’s normal.

Dinnerdinnerbatman · 15/05/2022 08:43

Try contacting Bliss, the charity that supports families with premature babies. They certainly used to offer counselling when my premature son was little. It could be PPA or PTSD or a combination of the two, and certainly not something to be dismissed and ignored by your GP. Your health visitor will also know services that can offer support.

Fizzyfish · 15/05/2022 08:44

Your GP was pretty insensitive. I think what you're experiencing is normal anxiety as a result of your experience with the birth and following this. I suppose from the GP's point of view, they could refer you for counselling but it would probably be a long wait to get any help. Do you still have any details for your community midwife/health visitor? Maybe it would be worthwhile contacting them to see what they suggest, I really don't think male GPs get this sort of thing sometimes. A lot of them lack people skills. Could you ask to speak to a female GP?

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 15/05/2022 08:46

Can you self refer? My practice had a Mental Health Nurse you could arrange to see.
Also I have been where you are now, it was utterly terrifying, overwhelming and draining but it does get better with help. Do speak to someone, even another GP. Big hug for being brave and asking for help. I buried my head in the sand for much longer & it did me no favours

DontPickTheFlowers · 15/05/2022 09:11

Speak to your HV.

I had a horrendous birth with one of my DC. Birth trauma can be really damaging. It sounds like you could do with some counselling - group counselling maybe? It can be very comforting to know that others have also gone though similar.

I can see your GPs point though, there are others going through way worse and still not getting the help they need. The NHS simply doesn’t have the resources to deal with it all.

I know someone who has had something truly truly awful happen to them and you’d think upon disclosing it to the police/doctor etc a nice, fluffy blanket of counselling, care and support would open up for them. The help just isn’t there.

So you need to look for it elsewhere OP definitely speak to your health visitor, google charities etc.

In my case, I had complications post birth, it was extremely scary and I honestly thought I was going to die…I have found my feelings and flashbacks have faded over time though. As have those from other scary experiences.

What I’m trying to say is, some things don’t ever fade but this will.

Fml1980 · 15/05/2022 09:19

I had postnatal depression,I had a normal birth but the aftercare was terrible.
But not once did my GP tell me someone has it worse.
I mean someone will always have it worse wouldn't they.
My HV was brilliant as well and I saw a mental health nurse and was on medication for a short while.
I'm not saying all HV are good but if your able to talk to yours they may be more helpful and supportive.
You have done the right thing in speaking up and asking for help.
Don't let that GP put you of, hope you manage to seek help OP.

CasperGutman · 15/05/2022 09:32

Could send me for some counselling but there's people going through worse things.

That is insensitive in the extreme, and very badly phrased. Sadly though, the reality is that there are massive shortages of places for talking therapies and long waiting lists of people at serious risk of serious self harm or worse being kept going by an excess of medication.

GPs do need to consider where to use the meagre resources the health service has to best effect. If they could choose, I'm sure they would not be telling people with serious anxiety to suck it up.

Anapurna222478063 · 15/05/2022 09:42

You’ve been through so much and you are doing so well. I don’t think you realise how amazing and strong you are, still showing up every day for your little one. Your anxiety sounds totally understandable in the circumstances.

Others have given some good suggestions (go back different GP, birth reflections at the hospital, HV, speak to one of the charities mentioned) but I just wanted to tell you how brilliant you are for coping with all of this.

Cliftontherocks · 15/05/2022 09:43

Self refer to well being and see a different gp. I had ptsd

Anapurna222478063 · 15/05/2022 09:44

PS. Your GP does not sound helpful. And ignore anyone on here echoing this train of thought - post partum mental health is prioritised by most local IAPT services - if you are in England Google self-referral IAPT and your area name and you may well be able to self refer.

ehb102 · 15/05/2022 10:10

Birth trauma is my specialty. Unfortunately I'm off work right now. Look at www.tira.org for a practitioner. Quite often it's an intake interview and one full time unlimited session.

The3Ls · 15/05/2022 10:11

You re GPs reaction is poor. I had a similar reaction but when my child was older -12 and we thought she d die. Several years in and it's reduced to a more normal level but it's still there. And I was a very chilled kind of health person before so I struggled with the feelings my personality had changed too. So just wanted to say it's very normal and with time does improve. I did find talking helped mostly to friends but did access a short block of therapy through work that basically made me know it was ok to feel the way I did to appreciate it was a trauma. Time did heal never completely but it did get easier. So hugs and solidarity.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 15/05/2022 10:13

I would absolutely change GP. That's outrageous.

WarriorNewAgain · 15/05/2022 10:14

I'm so sorry, you clearly have some trauma and I'm not surprised. All that sounds incredibly stressful.

This charity may be able to help. Please speak to the HV and see a different Gp.

pandasfoundation.org.uk/

There is a fast track perinatal mh service; I'm not entirely sure if they can see you post partum but your Gp really should have been more helpful.

WarriorNewAgain · 15/05/2022 10:14

pandasfoundation.org.uk/

WarriorNewAgain · 15/05/2022 10:16

Don't diminish what you've experienced. It sounds incredibly traumatic and is very common. You may also be able to have a debrief with the hospital which many find helpful - either way please keep seeking help.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 15/05/2022 10:17

You need to speak to another GP and ask for a referral to perinatal mental health team. I’m sorry you’ve been through this difficult time. After or during your counselling it maybe worth also having a birth reflections sessions but make sure this is after some counselling.

Jedsnewstar · 15/05/2022 10:17

It’s absolutely disgusting your Dr said this to you. I would write a complaint.

WarriorNewAgain · 15/05/2022 10:17

Birth trauma

pandasfoundation.org.uk/what-is-pnd/birth-trauma/

Sarahcoggles · 15/05/2022 10:24

If the GP actually said that, then he/she was being insensitive. I'd be very surprised if that's what was said though.
Anyway counselling is generally self-referral, so you can just google the NHS provision for your area and ring the number yourself.
I had a similar experience with my first child and it takes a while to recover, so I sympathise. He's a big healthy 16 year old now but I still worry more about him than his younger sibling.

Wherehasthecommonsensegone · 15/05/2022 10:26

That is the opposite of what your GP should be saying. You can self refer to your local psychology service, they would definitely work with you on this, it sounds like a trauma response (not necessarily PTSD, you can have trauma without PTSD). We have therapists with a perinatal focus where I work that would work with you on this.

We’d also suggest patients get a debrief from the hospital to talk through what happened step by step. Most find this helpful, particularly around any self blame though some have found the clinicians to be a bit blasé about it usually because although the patient/mum sees it as traumatic/life threatening, the doctor/midwife deals with it often so get a bit desensitized.

if you’re happy to say what borough/county you’re in or message me privately I’m happy to send you your local service info and you can refer without your GP.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/05/2022 10:28

Wow that's an awful reaction from the GP. Do they only treat the very worst of every case they see? 'Well I'm sorry your hand is hanging off, but some people have entire limbs hanging off so just get on with it'. You have been really let down there.

You need a bit of help to get over something horrible that happened to you, its brave to admit that, and please remember that none of this is your fault. You do need to push to see a different GP or help from somewhere else