MIL making out shes the best granny in the world

[dottieautie]

My mil is forever posting pics up on social media of my children (5&13)and saying how they are her entire world and she lives for them etc, she does ask my partners permission first (although would post anyway if he said no) and she does have her account locked down but I dont like kids on social media and never share photos of them on mine and neither does my parter. The thing is, she rarely sees them, when she does she’s rude to them or generally ignores them and is never available to help out in emergencies despite boasting to us and anyone else who listens that she is always there for them.

She tells everyone she moved nearer to us to be there for the kids and to form better relationships with them, when in reality she wants us to care for her in her old age and forever change lightbulbs.

I accept this is how she is. She has no obligation to be there for my children and my children realise shes a bit of a gobshite and havent really formed bonds with her. It’s a good lesson about how different people are and how not everyone owes you something. The eldest child also recognises and doesnt like how rude she is to me but thats an entirely different issue and as an adult i can deal with that myself.

What annoys me is that when we attend events or meals out with her she is always boasting to anyone who will listen about how wonderful her grandchildren are and how they are her entire life. Her friends all believe she is the worlds best granny and keep telling my kids how lucky they are to have such a wonderful, kind, caring granny (who does that?) . The kids are purely used as a trophy to show everyone how wonderful she is and it annoys me more now that they are of an age to recognise her bullshit.

Non attendance of events isn’t really an option as its my partners mother and he loves her despite her quirks.

WIBU to say something and ask her to stop using them as trophies or to step up and be the person she’s telling everyone she is? The kids want the relationship she describes and dont understand why she tells everyone how involved and wonderful she is when she isn’t.

How do others deal with people like this?

YABU - let her continue to lie she clearly needs to
YANBU - pull her up on her bullshit

This would infuriate me. Not so much tha social media because everyone knows it's fake, but the lying about them infront of them, and dragging them into her games to make her seem different to how she is. It's just rude. And I'm not sure I would continue to force your kids to spend time with her every fortnight, I'm assuming they are old enough to express a preference about it.

If you did want to say anything I'd do it when she is on her own and say something along the lines of how her saying one thing and doing another is confusing the kids and you're worried they are going to say something to embarrass her, they are going to shout out something like 'but granny we never see you on our own!' and you want to save her from an embarrassing situation so might be best if she toned down her submission for Granny of the year

My advice - let your partner visit your MiL, there is no rule written down or spoken that says you have to accompany your partner to these meals. Just don't go. Don't allow your children to go either. MiL is not a positive influence on their lives so you're stepping up and putting a stop to them being exposed to her behaviour. If they can't be there, she can't take photos of them. She can't post photos of them on SM either then.

Just stop exposing yourselves to this clearly unpleasant woman.

YANBU

Sounds like she does it for attention, she sounds empty inside.

Your kids deserve better than that, the only trouble is if you challenge her she may use revenge against you and or your children so be prepared, just in case because she sounds like she lacks any conscience and may cause trouble.

Where's she getting all these photos of kids she "rarely sees"? Does she have a camera in their faces the whole time? Which is weird if she basically ignores them when out, and the kids don't like her anyway? And why are the kids spending so much time hanging out with MILs (presumably elderly) friends?

She sounds like an A-grade narcissist. There's no treatment. You either ignore, or distance.

I have a SIL like this. She doesn't even acknowledge my dc's birthdays. DH pulled her up on it once but she hasn't changed.

Get their other Grandmother a t-shirt printed with 'World's Best Grandmother' and ensure she wears it at all family events.

Did you post about this recently OP? If not, there was an extremely similar thread. Husband is giving her permission to post - see what happens when he says no. Cut down on performance visits and replace with very short just you 4 visits. I would be wary of not going myself-I'd want to be a buffer, if husband is used to her behaviour, he might not be so great at protecting the kids from what was normal for him. Do you actually invite her to your house? You could control the contacts that way, and children could escape when necessary. I wouldn't publically call her out, or cause a rift, or block her out. No good would come from that IMO

She sounds awful, DH is scared of her, you don’t like her. But there’s something she maybe doesn’t understand. None of her friends are interested in her DGC. They probably inwardly roll their eyes when she starts up “they’re my world”. I bet they find her tedious.
Your kids see through her. When they’re older they’ll be even more aware that this is a gushy display of fake love from someone who doesn’t do anything for them and isn’t genuine. They won’t like her much and probably won’t want to see her. And she won’t be able to make them. Her loss.
My mother was like this, constantly going on about how much she loved them, but never did a single thing for them. They saw through her at an early age. She was OTT with the fake love and it looked ridiculous. When she died they weren’t upset at all.
Since your DH is so weak, you can’t do anything about her. All you can do is ignore her as much as possible and have no more contact than you need to. But honestly, people probably don’t believe her BS.

I mean, what harm is she doing? Stop being so annoyed!

Next time she boasts in company, put her on the spot, ask her to do something.
MIL: ‘I am the best Granny ever’
You: ‘Ah yes indeed, are you ok to have them for the weekend?’

Or, shame her publicly ie
MIL: ‘I love taking them out!’
You: ‘ah yes they really loved it last June when they last went out with you’.

Or simply when she’s gloating about something she’s done, ask, ‘When are you referring to?’