My daughter is "always unwell'

[MomOfCritters]

I'm getting annoyed by my sisters comments that my almost 3yo dd is always unwell! I went to visit my family and I left dd at home as she was unwell, just a cold, but me and DD have recently gotten over a tummy bug so this comment annoyed me, AIBU?

Is she frequently unwell ? If so your sisters just stated a fact and there's no reason to get annoyed (unless it was said in a really snooty tone).

My 3yo started school a few weeks ago and has been very frequently sick (and passing it on to us unfortunately...) if someone told me "he's always sick" I'd have to agree. That's how they build up their immune system so it's just a phase you have to get through.

You said yourself it's just a cold.
Kids get every bug going and whilst some I'd keep them at home for, a cold I wouldn't.
Are you perhaps making a big deal over every sniffle/minor tummy ache etc?

She was rather snotty, and questioned me about my DD's response to being left at home with Daddy.

Not really, I know kids get ill, she just hadn't eaten her dinner so I felt it was best she stay at home with Daddy as she also had a slight temperature.

If this is the only time she's been unwell YANBU. If she is always unwell YABU. How on earth are we supposed to tell you from what you've posted?

Right now there are parents sitting next to the bedsides of children with cancer hoping that the treatment is going to work. I really don't think you have anything to worry about.

FFS after two years of Covid & the messaging about social distancing to minimise the risk of infection, someone gives you grief about keeping a sickly child with a temperature at home?

The rebuttal to my reasonable exclamation is that the someone is your sister.
So she gets to say what she wants (sibling privilege) & you know that she’s a muppet.

Says Auntie who is up in the early hours with griping stomach bug, sudden onset this afternoon. So right now, I am on the side of caution.

She's 3, most 3 year olds are 'always unwell' (at least with mild viruses) especially if they are at nursery/mixing with other children. It's how their immune systems get stronger and after the last few years we have had they will be picking up more than usual/seem like their ill more than usual because they haven't had a chance to pick up bugs. Don't let her comments bother you unless your daughter is frequently getting things like tonsillitis, ear infections or is quite severely unwell frequently then she's likely to be a normal 3 year old. If neither you or a medical professional who has seen her has any concerns then I don't think you should worry.

Agree with @KevinTheKoala if your child has started mixing with other children in a new childcare setting then she is going to be unwell for the first 6 months or so.

Just mention this to your sister, and if you actually get on with her tell her to pop round to yours at another time.

My brother used to say this to me when my dc were your child's age. For some reason, I felt pure rage when he said it (more than once) It feel snide and a real dig.
Actually what annoyed me when I reflected on my own reaction was the fact at that point rather than actually caring about his niece and showing concern 'if she is always ill' he choose the moment to be critical - there was an implicit meaning that I was somehow not looking after her properly/parenting was falling short. I took it personally. I felt he didn't care, he was just juding.

Children get ill a a lot at that age. It is a fact.

I minimised my contact with db after that, I can do without the sniping and rudeness when my child is ill.I let him know he has all of this to look forward to when his child was older, and thought less of him after those comments.

'You child is always....[insert]'

Is never going to go down well with any parent.

What is the relevance of this to the post?

A lot of 3 year olds are always unwell, and i suspect today's 3 year olds are playing catch up in virus terms post-covid. It's just a comment. I'd just say "tell me about it, you pay for nursery and then they spend all their time at home because they're ill" and then move on. It's not worth the angst.

OP im guessing your sister doesn't have kids! Yours is at peak 'catching everything from childcare' age isn't she! It's 100% normal. It'll strengthen her immune system most likely. Not nice of your sister though.

If your child is unwell with a temperature you do right to leave them at home. Loads of 2/3/4yos are regularly unwell as they catch everything going.

Just ignore your sister, don't give it headspace.

I’m guessing she didn’t plug this conclusion out of thin but rather, you’ve mentioned to her quite a number of times when your DD has been unwell?

I used to say the same thing about one of mine at the age. So did DH because it was true.

I don’t get the annoyance

I remember taking 3 year old dd to the Dr's with some kind of viral infection and crying because she was always ill and I worried something was wrong with her immune system. The Dr told me it's not uncommon for kids that age in nursery to catch 10 illnesses per year.
She's a toddler building up her immune system so will frequently be snotty etc. Tell your sister to be quiet and it's normal.

My kids were always ill at that age, pretty normal for a child who has started nursery/school with the added bonus that their immune system hasn’t been exposed to much due to covid lock downs.

I agree with @Swayingpalmtrees
She didn’t ask because she cared, she was making digs at you.
you are right to be annoyed

I suspect this is a damned if you do and damned if you don't sitiation. If you turned up and she was snotty and hot and grizzly your sister would probably comment on thst as well. Is your sister either older than you with kids of her own and therefore feels she has superiour parenting skills or younger with no kids and therefore no clue that 3 year olds catch bugs all the time.

I wouldn't allow it to bother me too much either way op. You're doing a good job!

Was she just annoyed that you hadn’t brought her?

Was there a cousin who was disappointed your DD wasn't there?

Kids that age are always ill. But that doesn't mean there wasn't an edge to what she said, hard to tell from here tbh.

Why would this offend you? Children that age often are always ill. Why not just say ah yes the joys of childcare eh. If you suspect that she was making a dig as family never see her then talk to her about it.