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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed partner has gone out?

43 replies

mj23bc13 · 14/05/2022 21:41

Been with partner for 4 years, I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship and I recently gave birth 3 weeks ago, he's currently still in hospital as he was born premature, although he is doing fine and we might be able to bring him home in a couple of days.

Partner works part time as he also goes to uni. He's currently got exams etc so I appreciate he is stressed as well as DS being born early but tonight DS1 is at his dads so I was hoping we’d have some us time before DS2 comes home but he said he was going out with a few friends from uni and told me that he probably won't be back until late.

Money is also tight at the moment due to me being on mat leave and him only working part time. His mum has kindly offered to help if we need too but I'm still annoyed at dp as we're trying to say where we can.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Original poster
mj23bc13 · 14/05/2022 22:02

Just to add, I don't usually mind him going out

OP posts:
NetflixMom21 · 14/05/2022 22:05

I think you slightly ABU - did you arrange to stay in and spend some time together? Did you tell him you wanted to spend the night in before he made his plans?

You said it yourself that he has been stressed out, if it’s not a regular thing, let him go out and blow off some steam.

YorkshireDude · 14/05/2022 22:13

The students from Uni are his friends, so I'd expect him to socialise with them sometimes. However, I wouldn't expect him to do as much socialising as an average student, because he has other commitments and responsibilities that the average student doesn't have.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 14/05/2022 22:22

I would expect to be invited to join the night out.

skippy67 · 14/05/2022 22:43

NeedAHoliday2021 · 14/05/2022 22:22

I would expect to be invited to join the night out.

Why? If my dh is out with his friends, I wouldn't expect to join them? Any more than he would if I was out with mine.

justamumseekingadvice · 14/05/2022 22:53

@skippy67 agree with this - seeing threads like this remind me of why I enjoying being single and haven’t had a partner in 5 years! People are allowed to have their own identities and lives on top of being a partner and parent. I would hate having to answer to someone, to ask permission from someone etc when I’m a blood adult!

justamumseekingadvice · 14/05/2022 22:54

Bloody adult**

Original poster
mj23bc13 · 14/05/2022 23:02

No, I didn't ask him to stay in so we can spend time together but he knows we need to save money where we can etc so that's also why I'm annoyed.

OP posts:
justamumseekingadvice · 14/05/2022 23:09

@mj23bc13 unless he is out spending family money on nights out regularly and it’s affecting the households bills etc then yes YABU. Seriously it’s one night, you’re being over the top.

justamumseekingadvice · 14/05/2022 23:10

@mj23bc13 he is at uni. He will make friends and socialise to a degree. Are you jealous? Have you got friends that you can go out with?

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 14/05/2022 23:11

He is allowed a night out. Is he supposed to stay indoors with you all the time? He is entitled to his alone time, just as you are. Cant you do something by yourself or with your friends?

RosyappleA · 14/05/2022 23:13

Its not fair if your the only one taking the saving seriously and if he can go out I would want some kind of treat too. If he’s leaving all the stress of a new baby to you then I would be angry. If he’s supportive otherwise then you still need to do something for you too as it isn’t easy on you like some pampering. I used to be annoyed with DP as he’d be able to go out with his friends but I could never have time away from the stress of a new baby. So i made him learn the hard way. I left them in the evening to bond 😬repeatedly, just by honey just off the shops or something and take as long as I could. I just needed a break. It sounds like theres more to this.

Longleggedgiraffe · 14/05/2022 23:14

Yes, YABU. It seems you expected him to read your kind and are annoyed because he hasn't.

oviraptor21 · 14/05/2022 23:15

If money is tight it sounds like he can't really afford a night out. He should have discussed it with you rather than assuming it was OK.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/05/2022 23:16

He’s probably getting his socialising in before the baby comes home.

HandshakesInTheHamptons · 14/05/2022 23:16

If money is so tight that you are considering lending some from his mother, I don’t think he should be spending unnecessarily.

HandshakesInTheHamptons · 14/05/2022 23:19

that should be borrowing, not lending before any pedants come along. 😅

Original poster
mj23bc13 · 14/05/2022 23:37

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 14/05/2022 23:11

He is allowed a night out. Is he supposed to stay indoors with you all the time? He is entitled to his alone time, just as you are. Cant you do something by yourself or with your friends?

I don't mind him having nights out usually but I'm annoyed due to money and the fact I wanted us to stay in, but I've been in all evening alone and he'll probably get back at 2am drunk and won't want us to do anything tomorrow as he'll be hungover

OP posts:
Blarting · 14/05/2022 23:40

I'd be annoyed !

Original poster
mj23bc13 · 15/05/2022 00:09

No, I'm not jealous and I could've spent time with my friends but we need to save money and I wanted to spend time with DP

OP posts:
Mally100 · 15/05/2022 06:16

Well this is what happens when you play mind games. If you was concerned about money then use your words and express that. He might be thinking that it was a stressful few weeks and he needs to unwind with some friends. Fwiw I can't imagine my dh going out having fun with our LO in hospital.

Bednobsbroomsticks · 15/05/2022 07:17

Baby in icu? no you're not being unreasonable

RampantIvy · 15/05/2022 07:27

I hope your baby comes home soon.

It sounds like this baby was an unexpected surprise, and maybe your DP wanted to go out before he comes home from hospital.

How does your DP feel about becoming a father?

Catcrisis · 15/05/2022 07:30

HandshakesInTheHamptons · 14/05/2022 23:16

If money is so tight that you are considering lending some from his mother, I don’t think he should be spending unnecessarily.

It's borrowing not lending.

TheAverageUser · 15/05/2022 07:30

YANBU your baby is early and in the NICU, this should be family time. I'd be annoyed too.

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