To be annoyed partner has gone out?

[mj23bc13]

Been with partner for 4 years, I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship and I recently gave birth 3 weeks ago, he's currently still in hospital as he was born premature, although he is doing fine and we might be able to bring him home in a couple of days.

Partner works part time as he also goes to uni. He's currently got exams etc so I appreciate he is stressed as well as DS being born early but tonight DS1 is at his dads so I was hoping we’d have some us time before DS2 comes home but he said he was going out with a few friends from uni and told me that he probably won't be back until late.

Money is also tight at the moment due to me being on mat leave and him only working part time. His mum has kindly offered to help if we need too but I'm still annoyed at dp as we're trying to say where we can.

AIBU to be annoyed?

Agree, pretty soon unless he's an arse, he'll be working, studying and parenting. Good time to have a bit of a final hurrah before that all starts!

My daughter was in nicu, such a hard and stressful time, I'd have been really hurt if my husband had gone out without checking I was 100% ok with it. Hopefully he's doing it so that he's completely present when baby is home

I’m liberal AF, but there’s something about a grown man going out and getting fucked up drunk until the early hours, while his first baby lies in NICU, that doesn’t somehow sit right. That’s even without the financial issues. I don’t really know what it is.

Regardless of everything else, I can't understand how anyone would want to go out drinking when their tiny baby was in hospital, but maybe that's just me.

Our neonatal unit encouraged us to go out for a night …. It felt wrong but they insist to catch a night together before baby came home .

honestly , I think perhaps he should have spent some time with you

Not sure why anyone think you are being unreasonable here. You just had a premature baby together (which was/is no doubt traumatic, being separated from baby) that is still in hospital, and he is going out and getting drunk.

This isn’t normal circumstances.

My 2nd daughter was tiny when born, so she was in SCUBU for a month.
I didn't go out, and neither did my ex-wife.
We went to the hospital every day and cared for our child.

How long have you been together?

The OP says the baby is doing fine and will be home in a couple of days.

Your dp is immature imo.
My dd gave birth early, her dh wouldn’t have dreamed of going out and getting drunk 3 weeks later.
You need support atm.

I call total BS on some of the comments on here.

I can't imagine a world where my DH was out on the piss if our child was in NICU and I'd given birth 3 weeks ago. Not even bringing into it the fact that money is tight.

I expect if you asked people in the real world you'd get different answers to the ones you get on here. It's very often the OP is told they are unreasonable whatever they are asking.

The OP didn’t state she wanted him home for support just to have some chill out time before baby comes home so it’s not like she’s in a state at home and her partner has just buggered off… and she mainly keeps bringing up money rather than about the baby being in the hospital as the main reason… and also OP didn’t state that her partner was off ‘getting drunk’ like so many of you have said…

If you reverse it and the OP had come on here saying “I’ve had a really stressful few weeks with baby in hospital, I want one night out before baby comes home and partner has got annoyed with me” I’m guessing a lot of people on this post would be encouraging her to go out, cheering her on, calling her partner a controlling abusive person and to LTB and yet when a man does it, it’s awful? This is what I hate about MN… and yes I am a woman myself!

We've been together for 4 years. I'm not trying to control and as I said in my PP, I don't mind him going out and of course he can socialise. I'm just annoyed due to money and him going out whilst DS is in hospital and we could be spending time together before he comes home and we won't be able to be children for a while until he gets a little older and DS1 is with his dad (which isn't often but that's another story!)

@Catcrisis try reading the post that @HandshakesInTheHamptons wrote 3 minutes after her first one. She corrected herself on the comment below her first; did you really comment nearly 8 hours later to correct her on something she'd already corrected?

OP, I completely understand where you're coming from. I'd be annoyed too given the circumstances, but the rational side of me says that your partner hasn't done anything wrong really. I know it's too late now but, in future, make sure you tell him that you want to spend time together - if his friends asked him, and you hadn't mentioned that you wanted a night in together, then he really hasn't done anything wrong by agreeing to go.

Make sure to put time aside for yourself too, having a baby in NICU is hard - I remember those times well, everything just blurs in to one and emotions are high.
I hope baby is home soon

🙄

ZOMBIE THREAD To avoid anyone wasting time replying, thinking it's current.

Just cause you decided what you were doing and he'd made other arrangements doesn't mean you can be mardy