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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go out for dinner with these people

39 replies

FlyingMasticatedParticles · 14/05/2022 18:34

I've been invited for a meal tomorrow with my partner's family - there are five of them going altogether.

The problem I have is that out of five, only one of them has any table manners. Think loud chewing, slurping, talking loudly with mouth full - the last time I had to make a fort around my plate with menus and a potted plant to catch the particles flying in my direction.

This would be unpleasant enough for anyone but I have extreme anxiety, misophonia and ocd - I'm particularly funny about food (people touching it, breathing on it etc). Another consideration is that our relationship isn't great and we're in talks about possibly separating if we can't make things work, so I'm not sure there will be any benefit from putting myself in this situation again.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PingPages · 14/05/2022 18:37

All things you mentioned combined, no in your shoes I wouldn’t go. Why put yourself through it? Is it a particularly special occasion?

user75 · 14/05/2022 18:37

It does sound best that you stay home. Have you considered that maybe your 'issues' are OCD or related issues? It seems very extreme to have to make a 'fort around your plate'. My MIL has issues with food and used to retch and gip when DS was eating. He was under 3 and occasionally used his hands and spilled things. He was age appropriate polite.

crazeekat · 14/05/2022 18:42

Gross no,
Don't put urself they that shit, I'm like u and that would just kill me to be around that table trying to eat and enjoy a meal with that around me x

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 14/05/2022 18:43

user75 · 14/05/2022 18:37

It does sound best that you stay home. Have you considered that maybe your 'issues' are OCD or related issues? It seems very extreme to have to make a 'fort around your plate'. My MIL has issues with food and used to retch and gip when DS was eating. He was under 3 and occasionally used his hands and spilled things. He was age appropriate polite.

I do have ocd. But I had to make a fort as his mother was talking with her mouth full and I could see the bits landing. If I hadn't they would have been in my food. It might sound extreme but I've never felt the need to do this with anyone else, but then I've never eaten with others who have such poor table manners 😑

OP posts:
Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 14/05/2022 18:47

crazeekat · 14/05/2022 18:42

Gross no,
Don't put urself they that shit, I'm like u and that would just kill me to be around that table trying to eat and enjoy a meal with that around me x

Yeah I literally can't eat around them. It's awful. His brother came for Christmas and the whole night was just constant mouth open chewing like a cat does with a chicken leg. Screwed up face and everything. I don't understand it, not from adults in their forties plus.

OP posts:
worriedaboutmoney2022 · 14/05/2022 18:51

I'd be considering this "partner"
Have you got children???

If not for gods sake
Don't!

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 14/05/2022 18:52

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 14/05/2022 18:51

I'd be considering this "partner"
Have you got children???

If not for gods sake
Don't!

Oh hell no! 😆

OP posts:
Astrak · 14/05/2022 18:54

Don't go. If the relationship is heading towards the rocks, anyway, stay in and eat something you will enjoy.
Make an excuse.

TabithaTittlemouse · 14/05/2022 18:57

Don’t go. Life is too short, why ruin a good meal.

LTB and his disgusting family.

We have a student at the moment who eats loudly with their mouth open. I eat in my car.

Cakecakecheese · 14/05/2022 18:57

That sounds unpleasant. Don't go.

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 14/05/2022 19:03

TabithaTittlemouse · 14/05/2022 18:57

Don’t go. Life is too short, why ruin a good meal.

LTB and his disgusting family.

We have a student at the moment who eats loudly with their mouth open. I eat in my car.

Oh god I can relate. I can't eat in my own house sometimes. I understand when I see how he was raised but he's an adult now. It's so antisocial.

OP posts:
Rno3gfr · 14/05/2022 19:25

No way. I had a flatmate who ate like this, I had to start taking my food into my room with me to avoid his awful eating. I have no ocd or anything like that, but someone spitting food out their mouth while chomping is too much for most people.

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 14/05/2022 21:20

I feel validated, thank you all!

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 14/05/2022 22:04

🤮Couldn't eat with people behaving like that.

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 15/05/2022 08:57

StoneofDestiny · 14/05/2022 22:04

🤮Couldn't eat with people behaving like that.

No, I'm pretty done with even attempting to be around these people to be honest!

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 15/05/2022 09:05

I hate bad table manners like this. Don’t tell me they hold their cutlery like shovels too.

don’t go, invent Covid symptoms….

bunch of animals

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 15/05/2022 09:08

Workinghardeveryday · 15/05/2022 09:05

I hate bad table manners like this. Don’t tell me they hold their cutlery like shovels too.

don’t go, invent Covid symptoms….

bunch of animals

Yes! I have seen at least one of them do that 🤬

I've informed partner to tell them I have horrendous menstrual cramps. Not a lie. Perfect timing.

OP posts:
MintyMoocow · 15/05/2022 09:14

I wonder how bad they actually are?
You should be able to have a jolly, elbows on the table, all talk at once, don’t stand on ceremony meal, with your family sometimes.

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 15/05/2022 09:18

MintyMoocow · 15/05/2022 09:14

I wonder how bad they actually are?
You should be able to have a jolly, elbows on the table, all talk at once, don’t stand on ceremony meal, with your family sometimes.

No I'd settle for just not being hit by flying food because people can't eat properly. Maybe that's normal in your family but it isn't how I was raised.

OP posts:
PeskyRooks · 15/05/2022 09:22

like a cat does with a chicken leg

😂😂😂

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 15/05/2022 09:25

The food hit you? I'd have puked there and then!

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 15/05/2022 09:27

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 15/05/2022 09:25

The food hit you? I'd have puked there and then!

It has landed on my plate/face before, yes. Hence the potted plant fort the next time. His mother is the worst for it, she's also a bit deaf and shouts so it propels the food further 😫that's my theory anyway

OP posts:
Summerholidayorcovidagain · 15/05/2022 09:30

Sounds worse than a meal with The Adamm's Family.

Imagine having them as your dc's family?
Get rid op.

Original poster
FlyingMasticatedParticles · 15/05/2022 09:33

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 15/05/2022 09:30

Sounds worse than a meal with The Adamm's Family.

Imagine having them as your dc's family?
Get rid op.

I would welcome the Addams family over this!

No children planned for me. I think the relationship is doomed anyway for lots of reasons so I doubt there will be many more situations arising.

OP posts:
ArtVandalay · 15/05/2022 09:33

God no. There’s no way I’d go.

Poor table manners are my pet hate, even if it’s someone on a table nowhere near me 😂

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