to be fed up of playing with other people's kids without being asked

[knickerelasticjones]

Ok I pretty much know that I AM being unreasonable but I'm just really feeling peeved at the mo and would like to vent.

Just got back from the library with my two DDs (2.10 and 5 mths). It's a trip DD1 really enjoys as there are loads of toys as well as books. So we got there today and she started playing with the play food set there - made dinner for me and DD2 we were all having a great time 'eating' etc.

Then another mum came and left her son (who looked about 3.5) in the kids bit and went to another area where she sat and read a magazine.
So the wee boy kind of latched himself onto us, which is fair enough, except he decided to 'tell' my DD1 how to play with all the toys - which involved taking whatever toy she had away from her and saying "no you do it like this" or "no you can't have a car that's not for girls" etc. He was just trying to be nice but he was in fact a real pain and my DD ended up in floods of tears several times.

As I was trying to police the above siatuation another girl (6sih) arrived and was also left by her mother. Well she decided to play with / poke/ stroke/ generally harass my DD2 who then ended up crying as she was just being bugged to pieces.

Then a third bloody child arrived whose mother immediately got involved in a long mobile conversation, and she started poking books at me saying 'can you read this'.

Now, I know I'm being unreasonable as none of the kids meant to be annoying, and of course children should learn to play with each other and we all have days when we just need a couple of minutes AWAY from our DC. But dear Lord could NONE of the parents spend even a split second to look over and notice that my own happy playtime had descended into chaos as I tried to patrol 3 children who just wouldn't bloody leave us alone and had left both of my own children in tears.

We finally left the library just to get a bit of peace.

This is not the first time this type of thing has happened to me. I'm probably being over-sensitive and anal.

But - aaargh - all the same.

This happens to myself and DH when we go out with DD's. It annoys the hell out of me especially when their parents are sat around having a chat and a coffee, and paying no attention to them.

We usually say to the children who ask us to do things with them, to go and ask their own parents as we are busy with our own little girls. In a nice way of course.

I don't know what it is about us, but we always get little "hangers on"

I have done this (sat and daydreamed while my child latched onto another family) when having a bad day

similarly I have sat and read umpteen stories and chatted to 'abandoned' children whose mothers were not paying attention

I would like to think it all evens out in the end - if I am not having a bad day I don't mind helping someone else out - if I AM having a bad day I would say to annoying children "ask your mummy to read that as I am reading to ds" or similar

God, this happened to me on a train last year - I was with dd on a 4 seat table, she was happily colouring/stickering beside me, this family with 3 little girls (the youngest of whom had SN) got on and the parents went and sat across the aisle in the 2 single seats, leaving their children to swarm around dd and I - at first I was fairly welcoming, dd had plenty of stuff to occupy her (it was our first long-distance train journey so I'd packed a hundredweight of stuff to keep her going) and I didn't mind chatting to them and reading a story to them all, nor to them sharing the colouring stuff, but then they started taking her stickers and colouring pencils and grabbing the colouring book she was using from her, and the youngest child then began roaring when dd (understandably) tried to grab it back - and the parents' reaction? They hid behind their sunday papers. I did at one point say 'excuse me, your little girl is upset' and they were 'oh, xxx, don't start' before hiding again - poor child was bellowing like a stuck calf at the time and her elder sisters were busy having a slap-fight in between telling me that my child had a 'fat' face . All the way from Crewe to London... I felt like asking them, do I have a label on me saying 'childminder'?

The OP is NBU - some people take the p*ss... (I'm actually probably more grr about this than I ought to be because I have to do the same trip next week and I'm dreading a similar situation, dd being that much older and less likely to put up with strange children taking her stuff!)

I think people do put up with too much for the sake of being 'polite'

if other people's children are being a nuisance I tell them to go away

you haven't a duty to entertain them

however if it is no skin off your nose then cut the parents some slack - your turn will come hopefully when you most need it

Wow lots of messages.... it looks like some of you feel much more strongly about this that I do. I did only say 'peeved' in the OP...

I should say yhat I do normally play with other peoples kids, in fact I really like meeeting them (especially toddlers who are the tiny surrealists of this world). It's just that yesterday I felt a bit swamped, shall we say, by the juvenile attention being thrust upon me.

And, yes, I probably should have just politely asked the kids to leave me and my DDs in peace - but that just felt really mean. In other words I was a wimp who let an unfortunate situation happen and then chose to moan about it rather than deal with it! ah well, we live and learn.

No YANBU.

It's not the children who are at fault but their mums should be at least checking regularly what they are up to!

I have had this before and it's a pita

If another parent was obviously struggling then of course I'd cut them some slack but on general basis YANBU

This always happens to me at soft play areas. Only yesterday I rescued someone else's 18-month old from being squashed by a big kid who unintentionally was about to crash down on top of her when coming down a slide. All this happened while the other two mothers sat drinking coffee with their friends oblivious to the action!! Grrrrrrrr. I also had to rescue a little lost soul who was wandering around the toilet area crying trying to find her dad (although admittedly this could happen to anyone!!)

And we don't want to upset the children by saying "go away" because it's not THEIR fault.

I wouldn't ever assume that another parent is happy to supervise my child. It's not their job. It's even worse that the other mother didn't notice and intervene when her son was becoming annoying.

If the situation arose and I had to make an emergency phone call or something, surely it would be polite to check first??

And in situations where children group around a table in a public area then surely all the parents should muck in together.

DD's school even had to put up signs saying that "when children are in the presence of their parents in school grounds, it is the responsibility of the parents to look after them" because so many mothers were just chatting in the play ground oblivious while their children ran around them causing havoc.

Sorry for rant but it gets me riled too knickerelasticJ!!!!

Yes - totally agree - its great to be able to interact with other youngsters in that sort of situation ... your dh sounds great ... (mine would love to dive in but had a nasty moment in a McDonalds last year when he got stuck!!)

But that's not really the sort of situation I was referring to tbh. It IS all about give and take but some parents don't seem to respect that balance.

I don't follow my child around like a limpet, but I do keep an eye on her, I make sure she's safe and I DO intervene if she is starting to annoy or monopolise another parent or another child. (She also likes talking to complete strangers.)

Also, I find it quite hard to ignore children. In fact I probably finder it harder to ignore other people's children than my own must be the Catholic guilt ...

of course its hard to ignore children, but usually children who are used to being ignored try to monopolise the situation TO GET SOME ATTENTION and thats when they become a PITA

YANBU, other parents are

I have to stay with my ds at soft play area - he's asd - I have enough to do looking after ds and dd without some poor kid who is being ignored by their parents latching on.

It's such a shame seeing them going "mummy/daddy look at what i can do!" and their parents begrudgingly looking out of their paper/mag/mobile before ignoring them again.

yeah, I've seen that happen a lot too for these kids