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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of playing with other people's kids without being asked

62 replies

knickerelasticjones · 11/01/2008 16:47

Ok I pretty much know that I AM being unreasonable but I'm just really feeling peeved at the mo and would like to vent.

Just got back from the library with my two DDs (2.10 and 5 mths). It's a trip DD1 really enjoys as there are loads of toys as well as books. So we got there today and she started playing with the play food set there - made dinner for me and DD2 we were all having a great time 'eating' etc.

Then another mum came and left her son (who looked about 3.5) in the kids bit and went to another area where she sat and read a magazine.
So the wee boy kind of latched himself onto us, which is fair enough, except he decided to 'tell' my DD1 how to play with all the toys - which involved taking whatever toy she had away from her and saying "no you do it like this" or "no you can't have a car that's not for girls" etc. He was just trying to be nice but he was in fact a real pain and my DD ended up in floods of tears several times.

As I was trying to police the above siatuation another girl (6sih) arrived and was also left by her mother. Well she decided to play with / poke/ stroke/ generally harass my DD2 who then ended up crying as she was just being bugged to pieces.

Then a third bloody child arrived whose mother immediately got involved in a long mobile conversation, and she started poking books at me saying 'can you read this'.

Now, I know I'm being unreasonable as none of the kids meant to be annoying, and of course children should learn to play with each other and we all have days when we just need a couple of minutes AWAY from our DC. But dear Lord could NONE of the parents spend even a split second to look over and notice that my own happy playtime had descended into chaos as I tried to patrol 3 children who just wouldn't bloody leave us alone and had left both of my own children in tears.

We finally left the library just to get a bit of peace.

This is not the first time this type of thing has happened to me. I'm probably being over-sensitive and anal.

But - aaargh - all the same.

OP posts:
beeper · 11/01/2008 19:57

Hatrick....you is soooo sneaky.

niceglasses · 11/01/2008 20:01

Were you wearnig a tweed skirt, pussy bow blouse, glasses and a bun?

Do you say Shhh in intimidating loud voice?

They thought you were the bleedin librarian.

OverMyDeadBody · 11/01/2008 20:05

I agree with you, you are definately being unreasonable. Yes other people's kids can be bloody annoying at times, but it was a public library! Maybe the mums didn't realise it was bothering you! I have a friend who loves to entertain kids, she's often surrounded by chidren she doesn't know reading them stories, supervising their games in parks etc. kids just gravitate towards her and she revels in it. Maybe you need to work on giving off 'stay away from me' vibes!

Teach your DD to stand up to herself, and be assertive, then she can answer back to pushy boys like this. Say No to demanding little girls asking for stories to be read, and just ignore 'helpful' advice from older kids on which books to read! That's what I'd do

Original poster
knickerelasticjones · 11/01/2008 20:47

ok Overmydeadbody next time I'll just let rip with my interior monologue to each of the kids

to the boy "push off you little moron. You might be older than my daughter but you seem pretty thick. Leave her in peace and learn the basics of gender equality."

to the girl who bugged my 5 month old " don't touch her, you look unwashed"

to the girl who asked me to read "go away. I don't need to compensate for your own mother's failings"

Oh man - just writing that felt better! (or maybe its the fact that the kids are both in bed and I've got a large glass of red wine in front of me....)

OP posts:
clutteredup · 11/01/2008 21:03

LOL Knickers, I so KWYM. I often find myself as a magnet for other people's children and like you I don't like to tell them to bugger off although often I'd dearly love to. Clearly some people have an abitlity to do this or an attitude which gives of 'keep clear of me' vibes. Must learn how

ProjectIcarus · 11/01/2008 21:03

Oh god this used to happen to me. Actually the library was used as general dumping ground for primary and preschool kids. The primary aged ones in charge of the preschoolers btw. The poor librarians were demented.

I tried to be nice, I tried growling and then I gave up going.

bossykate · 11/01/2008 21:03

really surprised so many people are agreeing with the op! well ok we all get irritated by parents who don't watch their kids enough, but still, it's a bit harsh to be annoyed by kids wanting to play with yours in a public place designed for children. oh well. enjoy your wine

Original poster
knickerelasticjones · 11/01/2008 21:17

Bossykate I wasn't annoyed by the kids wanting to play with my kids - that was a GOOD thing. It was the fact that the boy was really upsetting my DD and as his mum wasn't paying any attention I couldn't really do much to stop the situation (didn't really feel very comfortable about telling him off as he wasn't being naughty per se, he was just being annoying). I did try to get them to play together but to no avail.

And my annoyance at the other two kids is that they wanted MY attention, not that of my children.

Maybe the wine has freed my angry self a bit - I'm just pissed off as I am SO often the person giving attention to lots of other kids as well as my own (the other day in the park I ended up pushing all four swings as there were two parents sitting having a chat and ignoring their kids pleas to be pushed by them!) and that is absolutely fine, in fact I hope it helps my kids learn how to be friendly and talk to lots of people. But sometimes it really does feel liek taking the piss - such as today when there is a little boy who is making my DD cry over and over again and his bloody mother is sitting reading Heat magazine doing bugger all to stop it.

Rant over.

and I still know I am being a bit unreasonable. So please don't hate me.

OP posts:
hatrick · 11/01/2008 21:21

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2shoes · 11/01/2008 21:34

you'll have to excuse me as my dc's are way pat all this.
but have to ask why can't you just say nicely. sorry but would you mind going away to said child?

ingles2 · 11/01/2008 22:52

hattrick, I think knickers was letting rip, I don't think she really means any child is thick.
Seriously though I agree, I get peed off with mothers who sit smiling smugly, chatting to their friends whilst I get lumbered with their dc. I don't really want to push another child on the swing, I want to push mine, I don't get to do it that often. I also don't want to try and explain nicely to some child, I want the bloody mother to get up and check that it's ok, and then not to look horrified when I say, actually we're ok on our own today thanks. I actually feel sad for these kids that they have to look for other parents to play with them. And I'm not taking about children approaching my dc, I;m talking about children who approach me

ingles2 · 11/01/2008 22:54

And don't apologise Knickers, YANBU

LittleBella · 11/01/2008 22:58

You are all mad.

If you don't want to engage with other people's children, don't. Just ignore them. It's easy. I do it all the time. If I can be arsed, I talk and play with them and I can't, I don't.

Where is the problem? I am truly puzzled.

hatrick · 11/01/2008 23:13

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blisteringbarnacles · 11/01/2008 23:19

I think you are being very reasonable. It's because of what Mrs Ruffalo says but really it's so selfish and horrible. A trip to the library is supposed to be "together time" surely? Do the mothers go looking for somewhere to abandon their kids and end up in the library as it's always open?

fingerwoman · 11/01/2008 23:22

perhaps the other mums are just happy for their kids to play by themselves and like the opportunity to sit and have a chat.

or maybe that's me.

you'd hate my DS. he tends to latch onto adult women quite a lot and he'll chat away. I don't stop him because in a lot of ways he is quite shy and I don't want to teach him that he can't talk to people.
we were at a soft play place a while ago and I went to check on him and he introduced me to his "new friend Jenny". the poor woman wasn't even called Jenny lol- she was very nice though

hatrick · 11/01/2008 23:25

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fingerwoman · 11/01/2008 23:27

no, that's me.
everyone else is his "real mummy"

goodness only knows what he tells them at nursery

hatrick · 11/01/2008 23:29

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fingerwoman · 11/01/2008 23:32

not yet. it's only a matter of time though before they find out about his other daddy, Nick as well. he's an elephant you know. there are more of them in his other elephant family, the Lassalans.

hatrick · 11/01/2008 23:37

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ingles2 · 12/01/2008 10:54

Sorry but you lot are all mad and thoughtless
Other parents are not fair game because you can't be bothered to engage with your dc yourselves. and maybe other women are happy to let their DC play on their own,...unfortunately their dc aren't though are they...hence seeking out other adults. And the reason it's not easy Bella is because I would never in a million years want to upset or not include a small child who might be shy / nervous or whatever...but maybe I should just not give a s**t.

bookwormmum · 12/01/2008 10:57

I've had kids latch onto me when I've been reading to my dd in libraries. I don't mind that so much but it's when you want to leave and they try to follow you....

belgo · 12/01/2008 11:09

I agree with Littlebella - I'm puzzled as to how this situation occurred. But then I suppose I like kids and wouldn't be bothered by then latching onto me.

ingles2 · 12/01/2008 12:33

That's why we're in this position, because we like kids and don't want to tell them to bugger off when we want time on our own...Honestly!