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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of playing with other people's kids without being asked

62 replies

knickerelasticjones · 11/01/2008 16:47

Ok I pretty much know that I AM being unreasonable but I'm just really feeling peeved at the mo and would like to vent.

Just got back from the library with my two DDs (2.10 and 5 mths). It's a trip DD1 really enjoys as there are loads of toys as well as books. So we got there today and she started playing with the play food set there - made dinner for me and DD2 we were all having a great time 'eating' etc.

Then another mum came and left her son (who looked about 3.5) in the kids bit and went to another area where she sat and read a magazine.
So the wee boy kind of latched himself onto us, which is fair enough, except he decided to 'tell' my DD1 how to play with all the toys - which involved taking whatever toy she had away from her and saying "no you do it like this" or "no you can't have a car that's not for girls" etc. He was just trying to be nice but he was in fact a real pain and my DD ended up in floods of tears several times.

As I was trying to police the above siatuation another girl (6sih) arrived and was also left by her mother. Well she decided to play with / poke/ stroke/ generally harass my DD2 who then ended up crying as she was just being bugged to pieces.

Then a third bloody child arrived whose mother immediately got involved in a long mobile conversation, and she started poking books at me saying 'can you read this'.

Now, I know I'm being unreasonable as none of the kids meant to be annoying, and of course children should learn to play with each other and we all have days when we just need a couple of minutes AWAY from our DC. But dear Lord could NONE of the parents spend even a split second to look over and notice that my own happy playtime had descended into chaos as I tried to patrol 3 children who just wouldn't bloody leave us alone and had left both of my own children in tears.

We finally left the library just to get a bit of peace.

This is not the first time this type of thing has happened to me. I'm probably being over-sensitive and anal.

But - aaargh - all the same.

OP posts:
Blu · 11/01/2008 16:49

So, does no-one go to the libraray to consult or borrow books anymore?

Lauriefairycake · 11/01/2008 16:50

Did the third child's mum think you worked there becuase she was asking you to read to her child?

Not oversensitive - sound like a good caring parent to me

They should have left you alone/mums should have asked if you wanted to play with their kids

wotz · 11/01/2008 16:51

Do you look like a librarian's assistant of play group leader?

Original poster
knickerelasticjones · 11/01/2008 16:53

oh I gave up on the idea of getting a book out as the kid who kept bothering DD2 followed me round pulling books out of the shelves sayign 'I think you want this one'. After three goes of politely saying ' mmm maybe that's a bit old for these two' I gave up,

Anyway Blu, don't libraries need to increase their membership? And as they like to get readers in young the best way to do this is to have toys as well as books.

OP posts:
wheresthehamster · 11/01/2008 16:55

It depends on what type of facility it is. If it is designed for children to be left to their own devices while parents browse then YABU but if children have to be supervised in that area then I agree with you.

Original poster
knickerelasticjones · 11/01/2008 16:55

Actually wotz I DID have a cardie on so maybe I looked like a librarian! (don't mean to be nasty to librarians with that comments - have to say that the ones at our library are all LOVELY).

I think the kids just saw an adult there so they kind of latched onto me, which is fair enough and normally I really don't mind, it just all got a bit much for me as my own DDs kind of got pushed out of the picture a bit which I thought was unfair on them.

OP posts:
Gameboy · 11/01/2008 16:55

Blu - I think it was the girl who was asking her to read?

This happens to me a lot too - I think it's because I'm one of those rare parents that seems to engage with their children in public places these days

It makes you feel really awkward doesn't it - especially when, if like me, it's one of those rare bits of time when you wanted to do something specifically with your OWN children.

I must have 'universal mother' stamped on my face or something - I'm always being asked by unknown kids to do stuff with them...

snowfunwhenyoureknackered · 11/01/2008 16:56

yanbu

we seemed to have others folks kids about us/our garden all bloody summer

why can't folk look after/play with their own kids? (cos its easier not to bother and hope someone else takes over)

Gameboy · 11/01/2008 16:56

(Sorry - meant Laurie, not Blu)

kittylouise · 11/01/2008 16:57

I would have 'shut up and go away' in my head and left as soon as possible, annoyed.

YANBU this would have driven me crackers as well. Shame you felt compelled to leave the library though.

wotz · 11/01/2008 16:58

I think it was a mistake and the other mums thought you were there to help in the children's section. However I would suggest you mention this to the library and maybe suggest to them to put up a sign asking that a parent stays with young children under 6 anyway.

I am sure they would like to be made aware if young children are left unsupervised as books are expensive things to keep pulling of shelves.

cheeset · 11/01/2008 17:01

Being as Librarys are usually so quiet, you'd have thought one of the parents would have heard the noise and come over to sort their kids out?

Some people are just rude. Probably saw you there, thought you had a kind face, 2 lovely kids and took advantage.

Look meanly at the mums next time, really unnaproachable!

cheeset · 11/01/2008 17:03

Surely they'd have asked her if she worked there first? I always do if I'm in a shop and it's not easy to distinguish customers/staff.

wotz · 11/01/2008 17:06

cheeset - I am giving them the benefit of the doubt (as not there myself) when infact I expect they were lazyarsed feckers who should know better and took advantage of the situation for a quiet life.

Blu · 11/01/2008 17:08

I suspect that the othre parents knew full well that Knicker was another parent, and just oozed away and took advantage. This happens a lot when kids latch on to other children and parents in sandpits ec. used to drive me a bit mad, too. (It stops once your child is about 4 or 5, I think)

Original poster
knickerelasticjones · 11/01/2008 17:16

I dont think anybody thought I worked there - it's just a library that has a toy box in the kids bit.

Its not that I think the parents shoudl have been 100% supervising their children, it would just be nice if ONE of them had glanced over occasionally to see how things were going and taken notice of the fact that I wasn't able to spend any time with my own children as their were hogging all my attentin.

sorry bad typing - trying to juggle dd2 on my knee. And just realised I must go and cook tea!

OP posts:
Original poster
knickerelasticjones · 11/01/2008 17:17

thanks for your support though - glad to know I 'm not being a total miserablew old cow!

OP posts:
bossykate · 11/01/2008 17:18

hmm. i think one's attitude to this depends on whether you are a "hands on" or "hands off" parent when out and about - i'm the latter, i do the "hands on" at home and when i go out some like a playgroup, playground, library etc - it's with the express intention of "hands off".

i do think you are being a little bit unreasonable about the other children. i think it's somewhat harsh to describe the other children's behaviour as "latching on" - those kids simply wanted to play with yours in a public play area! if you want to play in private stay at home.

that said, i do think parents who want to be "hands off" in that situation should keep checking in to see what's going on, so yanbu there. and i'm totally with you re ignoring the kids to have a long mobile phone/text conversation.

bossykate · 11/01/2008 17:22

i think the whole point of taking them out is to find other kids to play with!

bossykate · 11/01/2008 17:22

well not the whole point but hey...

lizziemun · 11/01/2008 17:52

YANBU.

But you are better then me, as i would have taken the first child back to his mother and told her that her child wasn't welcome to play with me and my children as he was too bossy.

The second one i would have shoved the book and told her read it herself as i don't work here.

But then i have PMT so i might not be reasonable .

wooga · 11/01/2008 19:26

YANBU-I do sympathise!

I end up with extra children when I go out with dcs too.

The worst places are the soft play areas as some people plonk their kids down and wander off to read the paper and have a coffee!

mrsruffallo · 11/01/2008 19:30

YANBU. this happens to me a lot. I think the children seee a happy face and someone who is actually interested in them and they latch onto you. I think the parents s hould step in and ask if it's okay with you though

ingles2 · 11/01/2008 19:34

I get this all the time too....I've got sooooo mean and petty I'll tell the children to ask their own mums to read the book/help them draw/dance at the barn dance...(mean cackle)

hatrick · 11/01/2008 19:41

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