To be annoyed by the term sperms donor?

[Thousandsandhundreds]

Recently I've noticed lots of people calling bad fathers sperm donors. My friend jane who has had a falling out with her dad has taken to calling him to her donor. She will say "oh my bloody sperm donor has done ..." He was present throughout her childhood, she turned low contact as an adult due to a big argument

I've always felt it was a bit odd but never said anything as her personal choice of defining her relationship.

Recently her and a group of friends were having a moan about one of the groups exhusband. Jane said "he's just a sperm donor at this point" and the group started to refer to him as her donor rather than exhusband

Eventually at the school gates this mum said to someone else "my kids donor is such a pain" in a jokey way but in earshot of her son

When alone.I said she maybe shouldn't call him that in ear shot of her kid, she said I was uptight and pointed out its fairly common.

I explained that my daughter is donor conceived (which she knew) and that we didn't want her to think a donor is a negative thing. Her donor isn't a bad parent, he is someone who entered into a specific arrangement which didn't including parenting. In my head thats very different to someone who was part of the family unit then didn't fulfill their role, and is simply a poor parent. My daughter for example has conversations about her donor, and hangs out with other donor kids as her situation of having limited medical info, the bio parent link etc is something id think of as specific to donor kids

Since then I've noticed that it is common online, and amongst some of my younger friends.

Since then its clear that they think I was being picky.

Aibu to think its odd to refer to your child's parent as a sperm donor if they aren't?

@PortiaFimbriata A friend of mine refers to her ex as The Sperminator which makes me giggle.

Yabu
It's referring to the fact that they deposited sperm and didn't bring the child up, it has nothing to do with clinical donors. Some people who've used donors may be touchy, but it has nothing to do with you... I don't understand why this would take up this much headspace.

It's obvious that's it's said in an entirely different context. It might be mildly annoying. I can't imagine being bothered for more than a few seconds.

This is the same level of annoyance as mothers whose partner works away saying they're like a single parent. Maybe. Probably not even as bad.

I can understand why you would find it annoying.
Personally I think if it’s not in front of the kids, single parents can vent however they like.

It’s not a term I use about my kid’s dad, though. Mostly because I’d rather not think about his sperm ever again.

No because a sperm donor is someone who donated sperm in an arrangement where all parties knew and planned for his involvement to be limited to that donation. For women and couples who have used a sperm donor, that man's role in their lives will be seen to have given a wonderful gift.

An absent father is someone who had sex with a child's mother and now has nothing to do with the resultant child. In a number of cases, the child was planned with the mother believing that the father would take on an equal role and has therefore been disappointed. This often means the absence of the father has a negative impact on the woman.

Two totally different situations.

But all parties involved know a sperm donor will not be involved, right from before the baby is conceived.

With absent fathers, it's often not the case. Hence the disgruntlement of women who thought they were having a baby as part of a couple.

The OP's precise point is that a small child probably does not know that it's figurative.

That is exactly what she is talking about.

A small child will hear all of these negative references to 'sperm donors' and won't think 'ooh, goodness, what an interesting figurative reference'. They will simply think 'why does that woman think sperm donors are bad? What is bad about me then?'

I was looking at this from the child’s point of view, maybe I should have clarified. They still wont have their biological father involved in their upbringing and this can cause so much emotional damage. I know.
I have a friend who found out that they were the result of sperm donation and it has caused no end of issues for him. He feels completely lost and is abandoned by his father(he calls his sperm donor, his father) and is NC with his biological mum and the man he thought was his father.