I know IABU but I can't stand my friends since lockdown

[Nowomenaroundeh]

So this is sort of light-hearted but can anybody relate?

My friends' eccentricities, quirks, annoyance, general flaws have become intolerable to me. And yes I know when the common denominator is me then it must be me!

I'll start by saying I have a few different circles of longterm friends, obviously I'm closer with different people within the groups.

As these friendships span decades there have always been minor personality incompatibilities that were overlooked for the sake of the friendship / social circles; the friend who is tight and I always feel a bit scammed, the friend who is bossy and controlling, the friend with opposing political views, the passive aggressive friend, the competitive friend, the perpetuallyaggressive drunk friend etc.

I know i am far far far from perfect myself. I know i am lucky to have a big circle of people around me and a decent proportion of them would (and have been) there for me in a pinch whenever I needed them.

But I find myself incapable of bothering with practically anyone recently.

Aside from lockdown there have been various other changes in my life; I am passionately engaged in my new business and free time is very precious, I really value my family time, I've recovered from an aggressive illness and have a different perspective on just how finite life is, I've buried a family member and am reflecting on how we only get one shot at it all.

I used to always show up and make time for other people even when I didn't especially enjoy the experience. Now I'm giving a flat "no I don't want to" more and more.

Will I regret this? These people are in my corner. When times were hard I knew I could turn to them if I ever needed to. I've basically become fiercely protective about my own limited free time.

AIBU to continue like this and believe this is simply growing up and prioritising life commitments?

This.
The people you describe are awful.

Why you would have tolerated them for so long is the real question.

I have great individual friends but we are supportive but not needy nor demanding.

I need my own space a lot so I manage my socialising carefully.

I also play a sport so that is a priority at times.

Menopause and lockdown have made me value my time even more.

No need for any big conversations, just be busy.
Do that weekend on your own for sure.

A declutter is definitely long overdue.

I have definitely lost friends over the last few years which, for me, has been positive and overdue. Previously I don't think I was very discerning about friendships and seemed to have acquired lots of people.

Maybe it's getting old - early 40s, young kids, job - spending more time alone and being ok with it, or becoming more ok with it anyway.

I'm a listener / audience to people and don't want to be anymore.

But I have some friends who I care deeply about and also respect them who I don't want to lose so keep those up. I've also, unexpectedly met 3 new people, without trying, who I am getting to know and enjoying it.

I have found it terrifying to lose people but maybe I'm finding myself in the process.

But like pp said, I don't want to alienate myself (more) and do value some people greatly.

Thanks for writing this.

I'm with you OP. I think it's completely normal. I think for me also the older I get, the less tolerant I become. People are selfish and rude these days. Can't be arsed. Good luck.