‘The girls’ and The boys’ can…is this OK?

[Shamplade]

AIBU to think this isn’t ok?

Class teachers will say things like:

’the girls have been good so can…’

’I trust the girls to…’

I don’t think they should be lumping kids into a homogeneous group based on any physical attribute. I think it sends implicit messages that boys are X and girls are Y.

It may be true that the the girls are better behaved in the class but stating it like this, surely creates division and a self-fulfilling prophecy?

AIBU to want to call the school out on this?

I do think people pick holes in what the OPs say though, I feel the gist of the post is obvious and she doesn't suggest she is going in all guns blazing. Call out is an odd phrase to use (I think of it as more of an american term) I would raise it as opposed to crossly complain but I was assuming that is what the OP meant. It definitely isn't unreasonable IMO to raise this issue.

I disagreed with the OP because she didn't actually give examples. If, for example, all the 'red group' were finished first and given stars is it ok for the teacher to say 'the red group can...' ? Of course it is.
If the teacher is dealing in facts - a group of boys did x and a group of girls did y - then it's fine for them to say so. Using that language doesn't automatically mean the teacher is profiling or stereotyping.
If the OP had said, the teacher says 'girls are always better behaved than boys' - yy I'd agree OP should complain. But that's not what the OP said. Her teacher is talking about a specific group of girls and a specific group of boys. The terms might be accurate. And I do believe it's our job as parents to teach our boys and girls what they can be and to challenge stereotypes.

I think you need to get out more @Shamplade

Took DS to his swimming lesson today, as we were leaving there was a class of primary school children leaving they came from the two group changing rooms, boys and girls separately. The girls walked out sensibly and quietly, then lined up nicely waiting to go out into the main corridor, the boys as a group came charging through I had to grab DS out of the way they were swinging swim bags at each other and making a hell of a racket. The teacher hit the roof and made them go back into the changing room and come out and do it again. She did not make the girls. If off the back of something like that the girls got a reward and the boys did not that would be completely fair.

It can be a difficult one if it's most of either boys/girls involved. At one point with DD's class, there was a lot of bitchiness going on amongst the girls, and the teacher wanted to tackle it. She sent the boys plus two of the girls through to a neighbouring class while she talked to them. In that case, those particular two girls didn't think anything of it, and I think would have been bothered by the talking-to which wasn't relevant to them (in their own world, largely). But in another class, singling out two girls might have caused its own problems.

For general class organisation, there's a lot to be said for finding a different way to divide the children up, so that it can be "reds line up first" or "lions have cleared up best today".

As long as it was factually correct, not lumping them in based on gender alone, I wouldnt mind. E.g. teacher talking about a project that 3 girls did - "The girls decided to do their poster on dinosaurs..."

Or conversely when telling them off 'Girls, I've asked you not to throw so..."

But not 'today the girls have all been misbehaving' about all girls in class despite the fact that two of them had been well behaved.

If every single boy in that group was doing it then obviously that's fine, if not then it's a lazy punishment.

I think the OP is worded fine I doubt it is the case that not one of the boys can be trusted in a group but every single girl can. If the teacher is dealing in facts then that's fine of course but it seems unlikely IME.

One of the examples given to me when I complained about the female teacher constantly going in their changing room unannounced is that the boys don't behave well and she needed to go in. One of the days in question, about 3 hrs prior to the teacher going in, 3 boys had kicked a hole in the wall. No one heard or noticed this at the time, it was before registration and a few boys had trickled in after it had happened but weren't involved. She walked in the changing room at a later lesson but the schools defence was that the boys were misbehaving and it was an emergency. Not all the boys were misbehaving or couldn't be trusted, 3 of them couldn't and were suspended/had to pay for damage but to label the whole class is wrong. They would not listen to any of the parents who complained and basically said they spoke to the boys and they said she never went in there at any point. This was untrue as I know of at least 5 boys who actually complained. They were shouted at for raising it and told they should not be saying things like that about a teacher. The children were apologised to for being shouted at and told they can always raise issues and be listened to

This shows a very generalised attitude towards boys, the male teacher who walked into the girls changing room was suspended just as I predicted in my hypothetical scenario 2 years previous that they would be.

Totally limiting and I’d dislike it too. There’s a book called ‘parenting beyond pink and blue’ that talks about why it’s harmful to reinforce sex in this way.

That said, we live in a sexist and unquestioning society where nobody much cares about this kind of thing and will roll their eyes if you say anything. Or they’ll say there are bigger issues yada yada and why bother.

So I tend to say nothing and get all quietly grumpy! Not the most mature response from me!

I’m a secondary school teacher and can safely say it swings right around roughly around 13+ ….. I have heard this so much from my sons too, my eldest is very quiet and gentle yet the girls in his class with a previous teacher were so obviously favoured.

We’re often referring to just some boys or girls, like three or four girls which we are pointing to, on a certain desk, who have all just finished their work, for example.

Instead of saying well done ‘Abi, Jane, Polly and May,’ we just say, ‘well done girls. The girls have done a great job everyone etc’

Agree 100%. It's unhelpful and divisive to lump the groups like that. It's also lazy behaviour management.

It's ok if, and only if, all the boys on that occasion were doing x and all the girls were doing y (which definitelycould sometimesbe the case). It's not ok to lump all the girls or all the boys together in this way if whatever you're saying only applies to some of them.

You are so not being unreasonable. This stuff has no place in a school

Bull shit stereotyping. Sexist. Nope not ok.

It's perpetuating sexist stereotypes in the minds of girls and boys.

Boys are bad, girls are good doesn't help either.

I can see how annoying it is for your wellbehaved children to be sat next to someone who need a calming influence - but what do you think the classroom would be like if all the challenging children were sat together? Teachers can't just wave a magic wand and transform behaviour, they have to use a range of strategies to manage it, and seating plans are part of that.

I agree on the lazy girls/boys thing though.

Thanks for all the responses. Really interesting and it seems as though the majority think this isn’t ok. Mixed response about raising it with the school.

‘call the school out’ - not sure why I used that term. I’m feeling cross with the school so may be that’s why - but also I have huge amounts of respect for teachers and would never go in all guns blazing. I’m a collaborative and compassionate person so I’d just talk with them about it. As a professional, if I get feedback then I’m always grateful and think about it. I hope they would do the same.

Also - to the apostrophe police - they were meant to be speech marks but I failed miserably- so shoot me. 😊

Thanks all. Really good to have other perspectives.