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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand “engagement shoots”

65 replies

SaltandPepper22 · 12/05/2022 21:33

Seems to be a Thing now that when you book your wedding photographer you also get an engagement shoot.

My instagram feed is full of them at the moment. Couples walking through woods/meadows/forests looking into each other’s eyes, pretending to laugh and nonchalantly hanging out of trees. Most wedding photographers seem to include them as part of the package so I’m not sure how you get out of having to have one.

AIBU to find them totally cringe?

See also: pregnancy shoots

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 12/05/2022 22:11

Why do you have to understand? They're not for you. You're not the one getting engaged. Its someone else's celebration of relationship choice.

'I don't understaaand' is just passive-aggressive speak for 'I don't like/approve/I want to take the piss and have others join me in doing so'.

CMOTDibbler · 12/05/2022 22:11

We got married in 1997 and it was a thing then too. It was good to get to know our photographer and for him to get to know what we did, and more importantly didn't like

Antarcticant · 12/05/2022 22:16

They harm no one - it's rather joyless to sneer at them.

FlamingoOrange · 12/05/2022 22:17

Our wedding photographer did them as part of her standard photography package as a bit of a trial run. We are now divorced but the engagement photo still hangs above our son's bed because it's a really lovely, natural photo of exH and me and DS likes it 🙂.

Hollygolightly86 · 12/05/2022 22:20

Exactly why I’m not on SM. Everyone is so self indulgent. What an absolute load of bollocks. The thing I can’t understand is all the mawkish comments then bitching about it elsewhere!

AnotherEmma · 12/05/2022 22:20

Typical Mumsnet, getting sneery about something perfectly normal.

I'll admit, I'm not a fan of cheesy and overly staged photos, but most are not like that, and for those that are, well each to their own. I might be a bit amused but I wouldn't start a bitchy mumsnet thread about it.

"Engagement" shoots are a practice run for the wedding photos, a chance for the photographer and couple to get to know each other a bit, and feel more relaxed about doing the photos on the day.

We did it (it was part of the package offered by our photographer) and felt nervous about being photographed but actually enjoyed it in the end, the photographer was lovely and we had a laugh. I prefer the photos to our posed wedding day ones (although the photographer did get some beautiful natural shots of us on our wedding day too).

Oh and to the PP who got sneery about first look photos... DH and I got ready separately but then reunited and had a bit of time just the two of us before walking down the aisle together. It's one of my favourite memories of our wedding day. And the photos capturing it are lovely.

FrecklesMalone · 12/05/2022 22:21

RuthW · 12/05/2022 21:59

It's not new. We had one done in 1987. Was the norm then.

It wasn't. I lived with 2 wedding photographers in the 80s and this wasn't usual!

anotherronnee · 12/05/2022 22:22

we got an engagement/ wedding warm up (as we chose to have the pics taken a week before the wedding instead of straight after our engagement) included in our photographers fee. It’s not something I’d have chosen to pay for separately but it was a good way to get to know the photographer and to get used to having photos taken. The photos came out well and it was more fun than I anticipated!

Pineapplepine · 12/05/2022 22:23

Nonchalantly hanging out of trees made me laugh 😂

treebit · 12/05/2022 22:24

getting sneery about something perfectly normal.

Are they actually normal? I'm in my late 30s & don't know anyone who had one.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/05/2022 22:25

I've never heard of it til THIS THREAD and I'm 50's Shock

But the hanging out of trees has made me chortle

Plus that giant cat head has made me properly howl

MiniatureHotdog · 12/05/2022 22:26

I think it could be a useful trial run for the wedding day? We didn't do it but friends did, their photos were really lovely and genuinely natural, so I guess it also depends on the quality of the photographer?

treebit · 12/05/2022 22:26

'I don't understaaand' is just passive-aggressive speak for 'I don't like/approve/I want to take the piss and have others join me in doing so'.

Come clean, is it you in the cat photo?

AmbushedByCake1 · 12/05/2022 22:28

If your Instagram feed is full of them then maybe you are friends with the wrong people?

fallfallfall · 12/05/2022 22:30

i was engaged in 79 and engagement photo's were part just part of what a person did around the week of the proposal and included photo's of your ring, holding hands and side by side sweet stuff because it was often used in the newspaper announcement section along with publications of the bans.

Twinmum12 · 12/05/2022 22:30

Its so the photographer and couple can basically have a practice before the big day. Most people aren't used to having professional photos taken of themselves. If you don't want to look at them it's not compulsory.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 12/05/2022 22:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

babyjellyfish · 12/05/2022 22:40

We had one. The idea is that you get comfortable in front of the camera so you're less awkward on the big day.

SaggyBlinders · 12/05/2022 22:51

People want photos of happy and significant life events. What's so hard to understand? Your OP comes across a bit bitter.

Rewis · 12/05/2022 22:57

Meh. Is it really anymore cringey than pregnancy, graduation, wedding, family, school, first birthday photos? Not necessarily my thing but if someone wants to have a professional photo takes of an event that's important to them. Why not.

MardyBumm · 12/05/2022 23:06

My wedding photographer included in as part of our package. It was to get us used to the camera before the day which I was really glad about as I hate having my photo taken. I had my hair and makeup trial the same day- thought I looked amazing in the mirror. The shoot enabled me to see what a state I actually looked 🤣 It's just a trial run.

burnoutbabe · 12/05/2022 23:08

Doesn't it give you a good idea how to pose and look natural before the big day?

We got a photo package at Disney and the pics at the end of the week were far nicer than at beginning as we were used to posing, looking happy, not stiff etc.

AMegaPint · 12/05/2022 23:10

Well it made it a bit better for me not to have some random woman I'd never met before taking 1000's of pictures of me, on one of the most important days of my life 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's also nice to have pictures together in normal clothes rather than a wedding dress/suit. My mum had engagement shoot in the early 90's in a photo studio and in the 70's for her first marriage too so hardly a new concept.

What was the point of your OP, other than to be sneery & bitchy?

Sunnytwobridges · 12/05/2022 23:18

I think they are fine as long as they aren't over the top, like you said the ones with people hanging from trees, etc. I just find it funny that they are engagement photos/shoots but they are usually shot after the couple has gotten engaged. I like the ones that show the actual engagement moment (which is tough to do). But I don't care for overly "staged" pics. I prefer candid photos that catch people in the moment.

Changingmynameyetagain · 12/05/2022 23:26

We had an engagement photo shoot way back in 2004 when we were looking at bridal photographers, it was part of the package they offered.
We didn’t do any crazy poses, it was DH and I in the studio for about 45 minutes and then having a chat about what we wanted on our big day.
Loads of people I know had them done, it’s not a new thing.