Who’s wrong here

[Bubblewine]

Dc has spellings to learn each night. Has been struggling with one particular word all week.

parent A was helping with these tonight. DC asked to check his spellings first to see where he’d gone wrong. Parent A said no. They were going straight in.

Parent B thinks Dc should be allowed to review the words before giving it a go & asks to speak to parent A in the other room.

Parent A says a flat no & wont even entertain the idea of a discussion. Shuts parent B down completely so that DC can get on with spellings. We are pushed for time.

DC completes the spellings.

Parents A & B then “discuss” why they couldn’t discuss it earlier.

Parent A felt child was in the zone & didn’t want to delay the spellings. Also felt that it would help DC’s confidence to get the word right.

Parent B felt that this wasn’t the right approach & DC needed the confidence in looking over the word he’s got wrong all week & having another go. They are also upset with the flat way that A refused to let B have a minute to talk it over.

A feels that this was ok as Dc was in the zone.

is anyone being unreasonable? If so, who?

Can you be “in the zone” for spellings?

Anyway, probably B is in the wrong. If Parent A is doing the spellings, they should be able to do it without being micromanaged by parent B. But really I think they’re both a bit to blame for making a drama out of absolutely nothing, I mean, really nothing at all. Life is short, guys.

Geez can you not both be proud that you are even managing homework every night. Take the big wins rather than concentrate on whose right or wrong.

Goodness what stuff and nonsense. Unclench both of you.

Admittedly complete non event.

but both parents are extremely stressed & very knackered & it’s all got blown out of proportion

Both are wrong.

Of course the kid should have been allowed to check the words first. It is HIS work after all.

But also you shouldn’t have made a drama out if it, let your DP do it his way given he was the one working on it, and agreed a strategy for the future later.

B is being bothersome and unreasonable. Let A get on with it! Extremely dramatic to say "ahem can I have a word with you in the other room about the way you're helping our child with his homework?" ...!

For the record B isn’t upset about the spellings. B is upset about the way A just said no & refused to discuss it.

A has then turned this back around on B & feels it was justified given the circumstances.

A has asked B to ask to have a word should there be a disagreement.

A didn't refuse to discuss it, he just refused to discuss it there and then when he was having quality time with DC. He then discussed it with you afterwards

There used to be a Harry Enfield character who would pop up and say “you don’t want to do it like that- you want to do it like this!” MNers of a certain age might remember him. Anyway, it’s a really annoying thing to do especially over such a tiny issue. Parent B really needs to let Parent A do their thing, even if they don’t completely agree with it.

If parent A is doing the spellings with DC, parent B needs to leave them to it and not interfere.

Parent B sounds annoying.

This has made me laugh so much. There are other hills for you both to die on. Either you both have deeper issues or,like you say, you are both knackered and stressed in which case you need to laugh with each other and move on. But I appreciate when you are in the moment it is not that easy.

B is wrong. It's up to the parent doing the homework how the homework is done.

I'm not surprised A didn't want to go in another room for a meeting about how the spellings were being administered. They are equally entitled to manage the spellings how they see fit.

If A was an employee then B may have had a point.

Just to add, why on earth would A stop what they are doing to discuss the situation with B?
Sounds like B is trying to pick a fight.

If they aren't confident with the spelling then they are just learning to spell it incorrectly. It is look, cover, write or at least it is in the primary school mine went to.

If they are not sure of a spelling then they should look at it first.

I am not sure if this is the whole story-I think there is a backstory of disagreeing how to manage homework etc and I will say that there needs to be a consistent approach between Parents A&B whilst supporting DC.

All this aggro and tension and drama not helpful to poor child trying to do homework.

Agree on a system and both use it!

A and B both need a good night’s sleep and a mutual apology.

We do spellings and check them at the end. So not stopping at each one to check right or wrong, it's too distracting and wastes time. If this was Parent A then I agree with them. This is also how it's done at our school.

Ffs .you're exhausted and stressed,why prolong the non event by posting?
Go relax and forget about it!

Wow - guessing you are B?

I think its quite funny you had to talk in the other room to discuss the spelling approach to use. You need to take the stress out of it so you don’t completely switch your child off learning.

Crikey, just reading that post made me stressed! Both parents need to be chuffed that homework is getting done. A could be less dismissive and B could micromanage less.

Maybe you’re both knackered and stressed because you are both ( or parent B ) is making small insignificant bollocks into dramas.

patent B (you) need to back off .

A was doing the spelling. B shouldn't be micromanaging. There are advantages to either approach but if doing it all week then by Thursday going straight in would make sense to me.

Parent A is wrong. Of course you go through something with a child if s/he asks you. It's a wonderful "teachable moment."

And basically, good parenting.

Parent A and Parent B need Grandparent C to come and bang their heads together