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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I’m doing my best with this new colleague?

34 replies

Poodlee · 12/05/2022 18:49

I’ve got a new colleague. She is a little younger than my but by only a few years…
I’ve been training her for a couple of weeks and I’m struggling.

She constantly (and I’m mean like 5-10 times a day) apologies for not knowing stuff and keep saying thank you for explaining stuff to her. It’s driving me nuts!
I’m not expecting her to know stuff and happy to explain but I need her to listen and she doesn’t! She just doesn’t take it in and then gets frustrated… I’ve got quite a lot on at work and she should have been easing the load. I know it’s only been a little time so definitely will give her more to get used to it…
but I need her to use her initiative, listen and make herself useful…

i feel shit, the constant apologies and thank yous and nervousness is making it more difficult to me than it was before.

any tips?

OP posts:
Inmy · 12/05/2022 18:50

I guess you make her nervous.

Hadalifeonce · 12/05/2022 18:52

Does she write down any of what you're telling her?
If not, you could suggest that life would be easier for both of you if she were to write stuff down then could refer to it before needing to ask questions.

JustLyra · 12/05/2022 18:52

Does she write things down?

Every job I've ever had I've had a notebook that I've written down things - basic processes, the order to do stuff in etc. Always worked in schools so also wrote things like SENCO and safeguarding lead/maths lead, union rep etc

In the fluster of a new job it can be hard to have confidence in even simple things os having it written down helps get rid of that "that's X... isn't it? or was it Y?"

Original poster
Poodlee · 12/05/2022 18:56

But how? I’m super patient, there are things that I have explained so many times! I let her watch, take time for phone calls. Ask her how her evening/weekend was?

There are times when I just let her be and think that she may make herself useful but nothing.

she writes stuff down, but I noticed loads of stuff are not correct… there are some manual and I printed out loads of info, step by step instructions and all..

OP posts:
LoudingVoice · 12/05/2022 18:57

Agree on making sure she’s writing things down to refer back to, I had a colleague like this once and to repeatedly remind him to write notes in meetings because he kept coming and asking me things that had been covered.

Luckinspades · 12/05/2022 18:59

Can you give her small jobs to do without you?
Get her to start to build her confidence by doing tasks.

Original poster
Poodlee · 12/05/2022 19:07

I’ve asked her to small jobs and all, but there is only so many little jobs she can do without having to hold her hand … and she gets super frustrated as I guess she feels useless. I’m not sure what to do… I have trained others before and whilst they made mistakes (we all do) they tried at least and got the major things pretty quickly….

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 12/05/2022 19:12

I'd stop showing her now.

You need to get her to tell you what it is she thinks she should do, and get her to do it in stages and come back to you when she has completed each. If she tells you wrong, refer her to look at the processes/manual/her notes and come back to you to explain what it is she needs to do before doing the thing.

If she keeps saying sorry, tell her to stop saying sorry and to do some work on learning it and getting it right so that she doesn't have to keep apologising.

Failing her getting the gist, and continuing to write things down wrongly, is there anyone to refer her to as it sounds like this could become a full time job for you.

Lurkerlot · 12/05/2022 19:15

Have you had any training in how to train people? If not it can be confidence sapping and frustrating to both.

I have always found the best way to train people is to logically explain the ‘journey’ the work they do takes, in order for it to completed. Once they have learnt that, you focus in on each individual function which makes up the journey. Repetitive function, after repetitive function. Taking things slowly, concisely, and be sure of what it is you are teaching them. By that I mean know the module you are teaching inside and out so you are not apologising for being in the wring place, and having to reverse out of the instructions you had just given.

Start with the straight forward stuff, if you come across something that swerves the function you are teaching, put it aside for you do do later. Don’t give them anything to do that shirks any formal process, only when they are confident with the full and correct process can you introduce the curve balls that the deeper knowledge and experience helps you to quickly problems.

motherofchihuahuas · 12/05/2022 19:22

She's probably feeling bad she's taking you away from your work to train her.

I'd be the same. I know it's annoying. She prob just wants to get on and stop bothering you.

Maybe just talk to her

LollyLol · 12/05/2022 19:40

Are you her supervisor or manager? Why not just tell them she is hopeless?

What is her CV like? Can you talk to the hiring manager and make sure they followed up her references properly?. Is she on a probation period?

Lurkerlot · 12/05/2022 19:49

just curious as to why she is having to write her own notes, does your department have process notes?

Original poster
Poodlee · 12/05/2022 21:42

@Lurkerlot we don’t have departments, it’s a small business… she can write down things if she wants but there is a lot of material of instructions of using our programs etc.

just to clarify I already spoke to her. I told her that she needs to stop with the sorry s and that I do not expect her to know stuff. We can take it slowly but I need her to listen, use her initiative and the material provided to her…

Getting frustrated when she doesn’t know what to do or how to do etc, it’s not going to help. I need her to listen, take it in and get on. Ask questions, tell me what she understand or what she doesn’t…

OP posts:
elephantmarchingin · 12/05/2022 21:46

Go to the 'coaching' approach.

Ask her what she thinks needs to happen. Ask her to share her screen and say you will jump in if you need to. Don't give her the answer

I'm a bit like this, it's anxiety and my previous experiences so not doing it on purpose to annoy just previously had shit managers/training experiences.

WhiskerPatrol · 12/05/2022 22:30

YANBU. Nothing worse than having to suffer through a handover to a thicko. Cover your arse by providing written handover notes and leave her to fail.

nothingtoday · 12/05/2022 23:08

Has she worked in your industry before or is she new to the type of work you do?

I think it's best to talk to her

Kat1953 · 12/05/2022 23:22

She might be feeling overwhelmed with some information overload combined with new-job anxiety. You say she's getting frustrated and apologising definitely suggests it too, really hard to see the wood for the trees in that state.

I'd get her to focus on one simple thing at a time, some praise/reassurance its been done right and then move onto the next thing.

It's only week 2, I'd give her a bit more time to settle.

LoveYorkshire · 12/05/2022 23:38

@Poodlee

Your method of teaching her is not matching the way she learns.

That girl sounds very similer to me.

You could explain the same thing 100x to me and I just won't understand - despite being pretty intelligent academically.

I was at a meeting with some two managers today who were explaining what they departments did.

I left the meeting with full understanding of what one department did yet no idea about the other. This was down to they ways of teaching - not that one was better than the other but because it just didn't match the way my brain works!

I agree with previous posters - ask her to keep a notebook to write notes.

I personally learn something new properly once I start doing it myself. Maybe, once she starts doing the job - you'll find she learns much faster.

Please understand and empathise - I bet she feels stupid enough having to ask you over and over again!

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 13/05/2022 00:38

Depending on what exactly it is you're trying to teach her, would it be possible for you to talk her through doing the work as it comes along, rather than showing her? For example, if you are showing her a computer program, I've always found it far more effective to sit the learner down and get them to do what is necessary, as you talk them through it, as expecting someone to watch you do it and make notes, is far less effective in my experience. If it's a case of her not knowing where things go, or in what order they're done, you could perhaps advise her to draw a map/diagram of the process. You say you've 'got quite a lot on at work and she should have been easing the load', are you perhaps hurrying her because you are feeling under pressure knowing that you have a full day's work to do but also being constantly aware that she's holding you back from getting on with things? You say she's a bit younger than you, but you don't say how old either of you are, ie, is she a Mum returning to work, or a youngster just trying to get their feet on the work ladder, either of these situations could make your new colleague far more anxious than if they've just changed jobs. I don't think you've mentioned having trained someone before, so maybe you're just not that great at putting things across to her because they're things that come naturally to you, due to doing them day in, day out? My advice would be put yourself in her shoes, be kind and patient, and then if after another week or two, she's still struggling, have a word with your manager and put them in the picture.

NumberTheory · 13/05/2022 00:55

You could also ask her how she learns best, how she's picked up similar things in previous jobs and see if you can adapt to that.

If that doesn't work I agree with others that you need to stop showing her and instead get her to show you what she's doing and explain how she thinks it works, what she thinks the solution might be, what she doesn't understand etc.

Is there anything she has got the hang of? If so, it might be good for you and her if you can get her doing a lot of that. So there's something she's having success with, which should boost her confidence, and something you don't have to do anymore, which should make things easier for you. If there's a discreet part of the job that requires a limited understanding of the whole process, concentrate on getting her proficient in that so that you can build off success rather than it all seeming overwhelming.

I would also talk to your manager about the issues now and explain what you're trying but make it clear she isn't making the progress previous hires have. You need these challenges to be clear and you may need more support, both of which require good communication with your manager.

PurplePinecone · 13/05/2022 06:49

Maybe ask her to repeat what you have just told her. If you do this often she will realise she has to concentrate as you are going to ask her to repeat it back. Might be mean and teachery... But will force her to concentrate eventually!

Also if it's something manual, get her to show you how to do it and correct her as she goes, but only as a last resort. Forcing her to work it out.

flipflop76 · 13/05/2022 06:58

Does she have any additional needs? My brother comes across as really articulate and had a degree but has aspergers and learning difficulties and has major issues holding down a job. He's so anxious in new situations that he struggles to take in any information and is really slow to process information so everything takes him such a long time to learn. He needs constant repetition of the same task as his processing is so slow and he has poor working memory. I can imagine him doing the constant apologising and asking questions too. Over the years he's been let go from numerous jobs for being too slow.
I'm not sure what the answer is though as it sounds like it's hard for both the employer and employee!

Doingmybest12 · 13/05/2022 07:09

In my new job I bought myself a hard backed note book with the alphabet down the side as I felt overwhelmed and couldn't order the information I needed to hand. I also had a small note book as a quick crib which I keep in my bag still . I also need to write out an idiot's guide of how to do some things and tell people to explain step by step to write it long hand if needed. What is easy when you've been around for a long time isn't when you are new and there is so much custom and practice that no one tells you. You need to make it ok for her to ask stupid questions. Hopefully she will soon get her feet under the table, it is early days.

agutrew · 13/05/2022 07:18

Give her more time to learn. It is very stressful starting a new job. It can be completely overwhelming, especially if there are lots of new systems to get to grips with it and new people to meet. This could have been written about me a few years ago. I found there were constant distractions and the person training me was chatting to colleagues in between training me which left me feeling very frustrated. I also had other colleagues telling me to do things different ways. The whole situation made me feel very judged which made me paranoid about asking for help.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/05/2022 07:22

do you have a guide?
standard operating procedures, for her to refer to