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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help scared. TMI. Sex related.

59 replies

Dolly198 · 12/05/2022 13:37

Hi,
please help.

so I had a new sexual partner two days ago and we also had sex last night. I was daft and we didn’t use a condom but he assured me he was all clean and checked. Today I’ve found a sore lump basically on the lips TMI sorry. It’s not painful but is quite sore. I’m pretty sure I’ve had one of those before when I wasn’t with anybody and It went away. I did shave. Could it be from shaving or something else. I’m so worried !

OP posts:
AbuelaGetTheUmbrellas · 12/05/2022 14:57

Unlikely to be an STI given the timing. Sounds like a Bartholin’s cyst. But definitely make an appointment at the sexual health clinic for a check up given your recent unprotected sex.

Original poster
Dolly198 · 12/05/2022 14:57

This is the information from google so I am very much hoping it’s just one of these

You get ingrown pubic hairs when your pubic hair grows back into the skin instead of up to the surface. It can happen when pubic hair has been shaved, waxed, or plucked. When an ingrown hair develops, you may notice small, round bumps called papules, or small, pus-filled bumps called pustule

OP posts:
pedropony76 · 12/05/2022 15:07

10HailMarys · 12/05/2022 14:26

If it's like a little sore bump kind of thing (rather than a blister) and you've had one before, it's almost certainly just a blocked hair follicle or something and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you had sex with someone. I get these a lot. But obviously if you're worried you should get it checked out.

Yes exactly this comment!

Original poster
Dolly198 · 12/05/2022 15:08

@10HailMarys thank you. It looks just like one when I looked on google.

OP posts:
GregBrawlsInDogJail · 12/05/2022 15:11

It doesn't matter that you've been dating for a while; you don't have sex with someone without a condom until you both get tested! That's really important.

ImprobablePuffin · 12/05/2022 15:17

The spot is most likely unrelated to the sex. But it was a brave/silly move to go unprotected. I haven't been able to do that since someone told me that if you have unprotected sex you're basically having sex with everyone your partner themselves has had unprotected sex with. Not for me.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/05/2022 15:22

Dolly198 · 12/05/2022 14:39

Thank you. It wasn’t a one night stand, I have been seeing him for a while and this is the first time we have had sex. Yes, I’m definitely worried because of the timing. I will still go and get checked regardless. It’s a small lump, not blister. Exact same as one I’ve had before but still worried! I have an appointment Tuesday.

One night stand or dating for months - have you both been to the STI clinic and evidenced your clean tests to each other? If not, use a condom 😕

Original poster
Dolly198 · 12/05/2022 15:25

@CloseYourEyesAndSee well I haven’t had sex in 3 years since having my daughter and I was tested for everything after the last time I had sex. In his case no evidence just his word which I know is very stupid of me.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/05/2022 15:29

I've had men lie to my face about being tested. One even told me that he had been at the clinic that day. Lies. Always ask to see proof.

Original poster
Dolly198 · 12/05/2022 15:29

Also just a thought... does anybody know if either myself or him did have herpes would it cause oral herpes from oral sex?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/05/2022 15:35

Dolly198 · 12/05/2022 15:29

Also just a thought... does anybody know if either myself or him did have herpes would it cause oral herpes from oral sex?

You can pass herpes from face to genitals and vice versa

Mugcake · 12/05/2022 15:40

@Dolly198 yes if either of you had genital herpes this can be passed orally (so would present as coldsores) and vice versa.
Lots of people who get coldsores don't even realise its herpes and can be passed to a partners genitals, even without a flare up.
Does sound like yours might be an ingrown hair or something but still worth getting checked

BemoreDerek · 12/05/2022 15:53

I don't want to scare you OP but I have herpes and it presented exactly like this. It also doesn't show up on a standard STI screening, I think there is a blood test they can do but it's not part of routine testing. Ideally they need to swab when you have an active sore so in your shoes I would get to a clinic asap while the bump is still there so you have a conclusive answer. If it is herpes it sounds more likely you already had it as you've had similar lumps before so your new partner will need to be vigilant for any symptoms. I hope it's not, it could very well be a ingrown hair but you need to know for sure.

luciatrope · 12/05/2022 16:00

but he assured me he was all clean and checked

Why would you believe such a statement from a man?? Men, who constantly bang on about how much "better" sex is (FOR THEM) without a condom? They'd do and say anything to wheedle a woman into lowering her boundaries and having unprotected sex. Don't fall for that old chestnut again.

Lovemusic33 · 12/05/2022 16:03

Sounds like a ingrown hair 😬, this is the reason I don’t shave for anyone.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 12/05/2022 16:20

Another vote for ingrown hair, could you give it a squeeze and see if it pops? It's probably been irritated by the friction caused by sex.

Having said that, you need a sexual health test. HIV doesn't show on tests for three weeks by the way so keep that in mind. Please be careful next time x

Beachsidesunset · 12/05/2022 16:34

Umm ... baby?

Original poster
Dolly198 · 12/05/2022 17:23

@Beachsidesunset baby?

@RaspberryChouxBuns ill give that a go thank you

I’ve been to boots and the pharmacy recommend a magnesium sulphate paste to try on it. I didn’t say where it was jus that I thought I had an ingrowing hair. I’m not too sure if to try it or not

OP posts:
Eviepea · 13/05/2022 14:44

Hi can anybody help please. I’ve tried to squeeze it. It is so sore today. Pus came out and it also bled a bit. It’s actually grown larger too I think since yesterday? Does this sound like it could be ingrown hair or boil or the worse case scenario?

Eviepea · 13/05/2022 14:46

It wasn’t fluid or oozing anything liqui but it was definitely pus I saw coming out

notapizzaeater · 13/05/2022 14:52

With pus coming out I'd expect to to be a boil sort of thing, because of where it is you might need to checking out,

Eviepea · 13/05/2022 14:57

Thank you @notapizzaeater that’s helpful. I just took a look on google and it does fit the description as it’s got larger and it says they can appear after shaving. I will get it looked at

user1473878824 · 13/05/2022 15:02

It sounds like an ingrown hair but ffs go to the doctor and stop diagnosing yourself from Google.

dontgobaconmyheart · 13/05/2022 15:03

I think it would be quite soon to show as a result of a contacted STI, and is on balance more likely to be from shaving/irritation. 100% I would be getting checked though.

You sound so anxious OP (not a criticism). I can't imagine any swx can be enjoyable all the while you're half thinking he's going to give you an STI. Why can't he go to the clinic and present the evidence? It's just basic decency no? I'd have asked for this before having sex. Someone uninterested in your physical or mental wellbeing ahead of a fumble isn't exactly somebody that would interest me.

TheWitchersWife · 13/05/2022 15:10

Lumps in my lips have always been ingrown hairs from shaving. It would be way too soon for something sexually transmitted to show symptoms.

But 100% get yourself checked and don't trust a man who probably just doesn't want go wear a condom 🙄

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