Lodgers irritating me

[piemaggedon]

So I'm in my forties, it's just me and my kids in a big 3 story townhouse, I never use the ground floor. I decided to rent it out under the rent a room scheme to lodgers. A couple with a 2 yr old are renting only for 4 months as they are doing some phd work at a local university. Omg I am so stressed, they are cooking fish all the time as the girl is on a diet so my house stinks of fish, they keep putting my heating up to 26 and 27 degrees, their 2 yr old is sweet but wakes early and cries a lot and my kitchen is over their bedroom so I can't use my kitchen at night or early in the morning when she's sleeping otherwise she wakes and is crying for ages. I never knew we would be this compromised, I can't live my life. I know I'm a total idiot for agreeing to this and maybe one lodger would have been tolerable but this has put me off for life. They are only staying for 6 more weeks but I find myself hiding in my bedroom more and more and just wishing the time away until they leave. It really isn't worth the extra money. So my Aibu question is, am I being unreasonable to not raise the issues with them as it's only another 6 weeks and we can hopefully keep things on a positive spin for another few weeks even though I'm simmering with resentment constantly or should I raise the issues so they understand why I am avoiding my own house so much and why I'm more stressed than before? I'm going stir crazy, totally wrong decision for my family. Any advice?? Obviously I've learnt my lesson and will never have a lodger again x

No good deed goes unpunished,.... they could have gone Airbnb....

TELL them the heating is NOT to be changed under any circumstances because it is warm enough, costs a fortune and that it's not necessary. Put more jumpers on etc etc.

The fish? you can do nothing about. If their dd cries, surely it's on THEM to sort out? you can surely use the kitchen quietly?

One you have the Tenant Ick, you can't lose it, so suck it up, learn from this and look forward to when they leave

The heating is ridiculous. I'm a cold person but even ours is never up that high!!

But smells - well tell them to open windows when cooking fish and use your kitchen as you wish.

and you can now see why nobody ELSE will house them...

If they are only adjusting the temperature in their own space, I think you have to accept their choice. If it impacts the whole house, then you get to pick the temperature or reach a compromise. If you ever get lodgers again, you could put something in writing about the temperature.

Cooking smells and child noises just come with living with people.

I’ve never understood why people take in lodgers unless they have exhausted every other option for finding money. Your sanctuary from the world is just too valuable.

HEATING: valid. Discuss politely, but firmly.
Fish/baby: I empathise but that you just have to power through.

There is no other way to deal with this other than telling them straight about the problems that you are facing. It is your house. This will be a potential sleepless problem if it persists.They are probably unaware of the stress that this is causing you in your own home.

You are a landlord and it’s a professional relationship. It is not the space to vent. Asking for the hearing to be kept at a more reasonable setting is OK, but be prepared for a backlash “ our child gets chest infections if the temperature is below 25C“ etc.

I don't think you can expect to dictate what they cook just because you happen not to like it. Fish is a normal meal. It's not 'inconsiderate' to cook a perfectly normal thing that they like, in a space in which they are paying to live.

Of course their two-year-old wakes up in the night and cries. Because she's two.

The heating thing is a bit weird - I would ask them why they keep turning it up. Bear in mind that heat rises, so it probably doesn't feel as warm on the ground floor where they are as it does for you on the other two floors, but 27C seems properly odd; I don't know anyone who keeps their house that warm. Are they British, or are they from somewhere overseas where they're used it to being boiling hot all the time?!

Other than that, though, I think that if you don't want to smell other people's cooking or hear their child now and again, you really shouldn't take in lodgers. Your expectations of them aren't particularly reasonable overall.

People are clueless these days. If it is a large old draughty house and they are on the ground floor they are probably cold sitting about through the day so are turning up the heating.
Get them a small heater for whichever room they are using and tell them to use that not turn the heating up for the whole house.

The heating is ridiculous and I would be telling them so, if they have a problem with this, offer them an early release.

I love fish but the constant smell of it would be awful.

Unfortunately 2 years old do cry.

Have you signed a contract?

They appealed for someone to help because no one would house them for 4 months. I let them move in more to help them than me, never again

Can you tell us more about this OP, and about how they came to be in touch with you?
As PPs have said they could have got a cheap AirB&B, so why were they "appealing for help" instead?

Get a calendar and cross off each day. Plan to clean and reclaim your house when they have gone. The heating needs to be mentioned . Sadly the fish thing is just other people's eating habits and you can't really police that.

Everyone saying "turn the boiler off" clearly doesn't have a combi boiler. You turn the boiler off, you have no hot water either.

But agree that 26/7 degrees is ridiculous, especially in May. That needs to be raised. Raise the heat with them, but the fish etc I think you're going to have to live with.

You need to sit down and talk to them about all those things except the child crying which I am sure they would have stopped if they could. It sounds like you are being more considerate than they are which is always going to lead to resentment.

This. And you need to say:

• please keep the heating at 21 degrees, and wear jumpers if you are cold


• please open your kitchen window if you are cooking fish


• I will need to use my kitchen at these hours. I will be as quiet as possible, but I cannot live my life by your toddler's crying.

None of these things is unreasonable. Your lodgers are just thoughtless although probably not deliberately or maliciously thoughtless. Just young & self-absorbed.

Are they paying a lodger's rent or a market rent? They may feel that because they are paying, they have the right to dictate your activities ...

Some people shouldn't be landlords. It's very difficult to share your space as well. People live their lives differently to each other. You only have to read a 'heating temperature' thread on here to see that.

If you never use the ground floor, do you know how cold it is typically? Because the bottom of my place is BITTER and I'm a person who likes windows open and fans on at night in the winter.

Suck it up and stop seeing it as a favour. You are being paid. Plan to spend the money on something nice for yourself.

Everyone saying "turn the boiler off" clearly doesn't have a combi boiler. You turn the boiler off, you have no hot water either

Yes, the same thought occurred to me

But after what OP's said I'm more interested in how they came to be there in the first place

You need to print off what this previous poster said and take it with you when you talk to them:

please keep the heating at 21 degrees, and wear jumpers if you are cold
please open your kitchen window if you are cooking fish
I will need to use my kitchen at these hours. I will be as quiet as possible, but I cannot live my life by your toddler's crying

Those are not unreasonable requests.
The heating shouldn't be on in the middle of May anyway. WTF!

A cautionary tale about 'lodgers'. Check your house insurance covers tenants. If they are inconsiderate with the cooking and heating, they could also be less than careful in matters of locking doors or turning off the stove. My neighbour got into trouble with the local authority council tax department when she let a couple rent an upstairs portion of the house years ago. It had a bathroom and separate cooking area (mini-kitchen), but no locked front door defining it as a flat in my eyes. They were noisy awful tenants and they quietly applied for housing benefit at the address. A council tax inspector turned up asking questions, and somehow the house was deemed to be separate flats (even though it had a communal entrance). The tenants left owing loads of rent, and my neighbour is lumbered with two council tax bills.

Ask them nicely if they could stop turning up the heating and cooking smelly food.

As for hiding in your room and not going in the kitchen at night, stop doing it and just carry on living your life. If they don’t like it they can go.

The heating shouldn't be on in the middle of May anyway. WTF!

Our heating works by the temperature, not the calendar.

There won't be any money for her to spend MrsTerryPratchett if they keep use fuel like that!

To those saying Op should just use her kitchen, I don't think they've asked her not to, she just can't because then their LO wakes up and there's even more crying which she doesn't want.

Are these lodgers from overseas? Because 27 degrees sounds cold to me because I live somewhere where 40+ is the norm! But if they are from UK, then from what I remember, 21 degrees, after the winter always felt pretty good! And the heating shouldn't be on that high anyway. You should definitely say something.

Regarding the fish, I'm not sure if you really can say anything, if you didn't tell them beforehand not to cook fish. But you should use your kitchen whenever you want! They need to understand* *that just as there are things that inconvenience you about sharing a house, they too will have to put up with inconveniences.

I have a three storey townhouse that sounds rather similar to yours in layout.

I have had lodgers on the ground floor as its its own self contained area. It also has the heating dial in the hallway near the front door so have had the same issue.

It's always much much cooler on the ground floor, even in summer, as the main staircase allows any heat to escape upwards. To actually get it warm on the bottom floor you have to have the heating quite high. Conversely, on the top floor it's hotter than the sun as all the heat that's being generated to try and warm up the bottom floor gathers in the hall and bedrooms at the top of the stairs.

We agreed the dial was off limits - I bought oil filled radiators for the ground floor and we also agreed when they were on the door to that room remained shut to keep the heat in situ.

I appreciate that this is not going to be a way forward for you as you only have a further 6 weeks but it may explain why they keep putting the heating up.

The only issue I see is the heating, everything else is just how they live and you can’t dictate what someone eats.

I’d talk to them about the heating, when I lived in a cold house I had it set at 23 (it never reached that as it wasn’t well insulated) but if you live in a fairly modern built house then I don’t see the need for the heating to even be on this time of year.

Explain to them that it’s too expensive and it needs to stay at 21 degrees or maybe meet in the middle at 23.

I completely get the heating thing, that's not acceptable. However telling people what they can and can't eat/ cook is not fair.