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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lodgers irritating me

86 replies

piemaggedon · 12/05/2022 12:50

So I'm in my forties, it's just me and my kids in a big 3 story townhouse, I never use the ground floor. I decided to rent it out under the rent a room scheme to lodgers. A couple with a 2 yr old are renting only for 4 months as they are doing some phd work at a local university. Omg I am so stressed, they are cooking fish all the time as the girl is on a diet so my house stinks of fish, they keep putting my heating up to 26 and 27 degrees, their 2 yr old is sweet but wakes early and cries a lot and my kitchen is over their bedroom so I can't use my kitchen at night or early in the morning when she's sleeping otherwise she wakes and is crying for ages. I never knew we would be this compromised, I can't live my life. I know I'm a total idiot for agreeing to this and maybe one lodger would have been tolerable but this has put me off for life. They are only staying for 6 more weeks but I find myself hiding in my bedroom more and more and just wishing the time away until they leave. It really isn't worth the extra money. So my Aibu question is, am I being unreasonable to not raise the issues with them as it's only another 6 weeks and we can hopefully keep things on a positive spin for another few weeks even though I'm simmering with resentment constantly or should I raise the issues so they understand why I am avoiding my own house so much and why I'm more stressed than before? I'm going stir crazy, totally wrong decision for my family. Any advice?? Obviously I've learnt my lesson and will never have a lodger again x

OP posts:
BobHadBitchTits · 12/05/2022 13:22

I had a lodger. Lasted 9 months. It was hell.

He'd put the heating onto 30 and then go to work!

Brefugee · 12/05/2022 13:22

Tell them that you are adding 20 quid per week for each of them (so 60) for each degree above 21 degrees they turn it up.
You have to speak to them about cooking smells. There's not much you can do about a crying child - so use this as a learning experience and when you get your next lodger make sure there are rules in place that you can live with.

And if they are all short-term lets of 4 months, you're only ever 16 weeks away from an end of it.

ElenaSt · 12/05/2022 13:24

The heating being turned on I presume is to dry clothing?

That would be the only thing I would complain about.

DrBrennerFan · 12/05/2022 13:25

Lesson learnt no more lodgers it’s only a few weeks now. You’ll get there.

TidyDancer · 12/05/2022 13:28

Definitely mention the heating, the rest I agree would be annoying but not much you can do about it.

hesbeen2021 · 12/05/2022 13:30

Not being deliberately obtuse but I disagree with
You can’t really dictate what they cook and when, unless it’s a shared kitchen in the middle of the night.
It is your home, they are renting the use of a bedroom / bedrooms. You can lay down any rules you like including no use of kitchen, sitting room and allowed to use the washing machine once a week if you choose. The problem has been that you haven't laid down rules ( not your fault as it's actually hard to lay down rules when sharing your house until you are aware of what a person is like and what habits they have. I personally would speak to them and mention that the smell of fish is getting to you, allow them the chance to rectify this ( also unsure why a 2 year old would be on a mainly fish diet)
The heating is ludicrous, I'd bet they wouldnt be having it up that high if they were paying for it, that's taking the piss. Six weeks doesnt sound long but it could feel like a life time if you dont address some of these issues right now. ( spoken with many years experience of sharing my home!)

treebit · 12/05/2022 13:33

You're resentful because you don't want to share your house but want the cash. not really the lodgers fault.

Original poster
piemaggedon · 12/05/2022 13:36

I don't want them or the cash now, it's not worth it

OP posts:
grapewines · 12/05/2022 13:36

treebit · 12/05/2022 13:33

You're resentful because you don't want to share your house but want the cash. not really the lodgers fault.

Quite.

Original poster
piemaggedon · 12/05/2022 13:37

I didn't need a lodger, they appealed for someone to help because no one would house them for 4 months. I let them move in more to help them than me, never again

OP posts:
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 12/05/2022 13:38

hesbeen2021 · 12/05/2022 13:30

Not being deliberately obtuse but I disagree with
You can’t really dictate what they cook and when, unless it’s a shared kitchen in the middle of the night.
It is your home, they are renting the use of a bedroom / bedrooms. You can lay down any rules you like including no use of kitchen, sitting room and allowed to use the washing machine once a week if you choose. The problem has been that you haven't laid down rules ( not your fault as it's actually hard to lay down rules when sharing your house until you are aware of what a person is like and what habits they have. I personally would speak to them and mention that the smell of fish is getting to you, allow them the chance to rectify this ( also unsure why a 2 year old would be on a mainly fish diet)
The heating is ludicrous, I'd bet they wouldnt be having it up that high if they were paying for it, that's taking the piss. Six weeks doesnt sound long but it could feel like a life time if you dont address some of these issues right now. ( spoken with many years experience of sharing my home!)

I agree.

I also have much experience of having lodgers and the key is communication on both sides.

in an ideal world everything would have been anticipated and made clear at the interview stage before they had even decided to take the room, but in practice things do come up. In my experience most people are reasonable about most things. You wouldn’t tell them not to eat fish but you could nicely explain that you are finding the smells difficult to take and between you you might be able to come up with a solution, whether it’s ventilation, wrapping leftovers better or a switch to a different cooking method.

I disagree with the view that they can do what they want because they are paying. There’s a reason why a room in a house is generally cheaper than a self contained flat and part of it is that you don’t have as much freedom to only consider yourself.

Viviennemary · 12/05/2022 13:52

That does sound annoying. Which is why most folk don't do it even if they could do with the money. Id just say its not working please find somewhere else. But as it's only a few more weeks its probably easier to stick it out. Next time no children and single person is probably less hassle.

HollowTalk · 12/05/2022 13:56

You really need to come down hard on the heating - they wouldn't turn up the heating if they were paying for it. I think you should say that you will have to increase their rent as a result. Most people don't have the heating on in May, particularly when prices have shot up.

Blinkingbatshit · 12/05/2022 13:57

It’s pretty much almost summer - turn the boiler off!!…they may get the hint then. If they ask you to put it back on you can say yes, but it mustn’t bet set over 21 degrees. Lodging is completely different to flat/house sharing - they are not an equal partner and should realise this. If they swap rooms with the toddler would that help you use the kitchen more? I’d have a gentle conversation and go from there…

NrlySp · 12/05/2022 13:58

Do Airbnb instead? You could offer a mini kitchen type area - I went to an Airbnb. 2 x Bedroom, bathroom and a living room - corner had a cupboard with mini fridge, microwave, plates, knives, forks etc.
You could wash the plates etc and rotate or we were asked to watch them in the bathroom sink.
was totally fine for 3-4 nights.

2bazookas · 12/05/2022 13:58

TELL THEM not to turn up the heating , and mean it.
Endure the fish and baby. That's just what fish and babies do.

Wouldyabeguilty · 12/05/2022 13:58

I am with you OP, that would drive me mental but the end is in sight, just concentrate on that. If you do decide to do it again, get a single person.

Hankunamatata · 12/05/2022 14:00

Tell they have to pay extra for heating if they keep turning it up

AtticAttack3000 · 12/05/2022 14:00

You can't really grumble about people living their lives in the home they've rented. Having said that, I used to rent a room and I stayed at my boyfriends mon-thurs and was quiet/out the rest of the time as just used it as a place to rest my head. Look for that type of lodger, not one with a toddler.

gwanwyn · 12/05/2022 14:00

Crazykatie · 12/05/2022 13:15

Next time single professional, no children, no pets, in my experience men are better tenants than women.

This - or try some of the rent for working week sites.

DH spent years renting a room for 5 nights Sunday night to Thursday.

I think the heating is an issue you can raise - why is it on at all - but rest probably not.

Neverreturntoathread · 12/05/2022 14:01

ShirleyPhallus · 12/05/2022 13:01

I think it was a bit silly to take on a family with a toddler and expect them to be silent!

That said, turning the beating up to 26/27 in this weather is ridiculous. I’d turn the boiler off and let them know they can’t have the heating on that much.

Open a window for the fish and count down your days. They are paying to live there so it’s got to feel like their home for the short term.

This. Heating goes off. Child noise is just what you get renting to a family.

You can have a lodger but you should have chosen a single person age 30 or above (and had a no guests rule).

burnoutbabe · 12/05/2022 14:04

Have they told you not to use the kitchen to avoid waking the kid? That's ridiculous and just say it's not practical.

Cameleongirl · 12/05/2022 14:11

Definitely mention the heating, that's ridiculous. I'd endure the rest for six weeks and breathe a sigh of relief when they leave. The fish smell would drive me mad too, it's so strong! But they're perfectly entitled to cook it.

BOOTS52 · 12/05/2022 14:11

Yes you can talk to them about the heating as they should not be turning it up that high now as not cold and tell them how expensive it is with the price hikes. The fish cooking and smells nothing really you can do or neither the baby crying. If you ever take in a lodger just take in one for short periods so if they are annoying they they are gone. Tell them to open their windows when cooking as the smells are very strong maybe that will help. Hopefully the 6 weeks flies and you will not have to feel the resentment then. Could not put up with smells and a child crying all the time now am older as less patience.

AxolotlEars · 12/05/2022 14:11

Absolutely about the heating but wouldn't bother with anything else. Learn the lesson from this time and apply it if you want to rent the ground floor out again

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